“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is ever said that prevention is better than cure. Therefore, a large share out of the total health budget must be utilized from curement to educate people on keeping good health and what to do to get a healthy body. I thoroughly agree with the statement and will express my perspective in the upcoming paragraph.
To commence with, if a big amount of money is spent on creating awareness among people regarding their food habits, that can create a danger for them and make them a victim of many diseases, it is a noble cause. For instance, people become addicted to using alcoholic products. So, if the masses are advised through dramatisation about the adverse outcomes of consuming toxic products, they will abstain from taking these drugs. Thus, the money that a government spends on the curement of individuals from various diseases could be used for other purposes.
Moreover, if people are healthy and fall less sick, it will not only be beneficial for the masses but also for the regime that throws money for the well being of its individuals. To exemplify, people who work in any firm will not take leave more, and they will do a lot for the betterment of their company, and in this way, medical facilities will be less used by the individual. It will be possible only through instructions that folk get when they see any campaigning or rallies and to name but a few. Thus educating people about health hazards is more powerful than spending money on the treatment.
To conclude, Therefore, it is clear from the above-mentioned viewpoints that abstain from consuming unhealthy food is better than admitting to a hospital. Besides, the money spent on treatment could be used to guide people about potential health issues. These issues like obesity the cardiovascular disease could never have happened if people got information about the repercussion of an unhealthy diet beforehand.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: ever Suggested revision: often Why it matters: The standard expression is 'it is often said.'
- 2. Correct preposition Original: a large share out of the total health budget Suggested revision: a large share of the total health budget Why it matters: A share is expressed as being 'of' a total, not 'out of' it here.
- 3. Use precise budget verb Original: utilized from curement Suggested revision: diverted from treatment Why it matters: Budgets are diverted from one purpose, and 'treatment' is the correct noun.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: educate people on keeping good health Suggested revision: educate people about maintaining good health Why it matters: 'Educate someone about' and 'maintain good health' form the natural grammatical pattern.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: what to do to get a healthy body Suggested revision: how to stay healthy Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 6. Match essay structure Original: upcoming paragraph Suggested revision: following paragraphs Why it matters: The writer develops the view across more than one paragraph.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: addicted to using alcoholic products Suggested revision: addicted to alcohol Why it matters: 'Addicted to alcohol' is the standard and more precise expression.
- 8. Clarify communication method Original: are advised through dramatisation about Suggested revision: are informed through dramatizations about Why it matters: The revision uses a natural verb and a countable noun for staged representations.
- 9. Choose accurate wording Original: consuming toxic products Suggested revision: consuming harmful substances Why it matters: 'Harmful substances' is a more natural general description in this context.
- 10. Keep reference consistent Original: taking these drugs Suggested revision: consuming these products Why it matters: The replacement keeps the reference aligned with the alcoholic products mentioned earlier.
- 11. Replace nonstandard noun Original: on the curement of individuals Suggested revision: on treating individuals Why it matters: 'Curement' is nonstandard, while 'treating' accurately describes medical care.
- 12. Correct adverb placement Original: fall less sick Suggested revision: fall ill less often Why it matters: The revision uses the natural expression and correctly describes frequency.
Suggested Rewrites
- ever often
- a large share out of the total health budget a large share of the total health budget
- utilized from curement diverted from treatment
- educate people on keeping good health educate people about maintaining good health
- what to do to get a healthy body how to stay healthy
- upcoming paragraph following paragraphs
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a consistent position and supports it with relevant ideas about health education, harmful habits, and reduced pressure on treatment services. Its main limitation is that explanations are sometimes loosely expressed or logically blurred by inaccurate vocabulary and sentence construction. The highest priority is to develop each argument through a clearer cause-and-effect sequence while using natural, precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is maintained and supported with relevant reasons, although some ideas are only partly clarified or convincingly extended.
Develop each main point through a precise explanation of how a specific preventive measure would reduce illness and treatment costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognizable introduction-body-conclusion structure, but progression within several long sentences is uneven and linking is sometimes mechanical.
Organize each body paragraph around one central claim and connect its explanation, example, and consequence in a direct sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss health policy, but frequent unnatural or inaccurate choices such as curement, throws money, and folk reduce precision.
Replace memorized or unusual terms with accurate collocations such as treatment costs, public health campaigns, and people or citizens.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in clause control, articles, agreement, and word forms weaken accuracy.
Use shorter controlled complex sentences and check that every dependent clause has a clear subject, verb, and logical connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.