Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that people have many advantages from international business and tourism. However, I totally disagree with this opinion and firmly believe that people have much more disadvantages than advantages from the international relationship with different countries. First of all, international tourism brings many disadvantages to the local environment. For example, when people come to visit new places from different countries they use transport to move from one place to different. As a result, local environment has been polluted. Another example is tourists like to visit historical places of a new country that they have just come to visit and some of them do not have respect to this historical place. As a result, these people can disturb this place by leaving rubbish there or ever though break this place. The next point that should be taken into consideration is that local businesses have been distracted when outsiders come with their new products or services from overseas. For example, it is a local tradition to produce chocolate and a lot of people buy this popular type of chocolate. However, foreign people brought with them different types of chocolates the price of which is cheaper. As a result, local people start to buy new, foreign type of chocolate. Therefore, the local production of chocolate stopped and people who worked there lost their jobs. For this reason, local people can struggle with the international business relationship and international tourism. To sum up, it is evident that international business and tourism bring with them many disadvantages to the local environment and economy. From my point of view, it would be better to develop without distractions from foreign business and tourism.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural benefit phrase Original: people have many advantages from Suggested revision: people gain many benefits from Why it matters: People gain benefits rather than “have advantages from” an activity.
- 2. Fix countable comparison Original: much Suggested revision: many Why it matters: The countable plural noun “disadvantages” takes “many more.”
- 3. Use plural relationships Original: from the international relationship with different countries Suggested revision: from international relationships with other countries Why it matters: The claim concerns multiple relationships, and no definite article is needed.
- 4. Clarify travel direction Original: come to visit new places from different countries Suggested revision: travel from different countries to visit new places Why it matters: The revised order makes the origin and purpose of the travel clear.
- 5. Complete comparison phrase Original: different Suggested revision: another Why it matters: The fixed expression is “from one place to another.”
- 6. Fix article and tense Original: local environment has been polluted Suggested revision: the local environment becomes polluted Why it matters: The noun requires “the,” and the present tense matches the general cause-and-effect claim.
- 7. Use natural location phrase Original: historical places of a new country Suggested revision: historical sites in a new country Why it matters: “Historical sites in” is the natural phrase for visitor attractions within a country.
- 8. Fix respect construction Original: do not have respect to this historical place Suggested revision: do not respect these historical sites Why it matters: “Respect” works directly as a verb and avoids the incorrect preposition “to.”
- 9. Correct disruption meaning Original: local businesses have been distracted Suggested revision: local businesses are disrupted Why it matters: “Disrupted” means harmed or interrupted, whereas “distracted” means losing attention.
- 10. Name business action clearly Original: outsiders come with their new products or services from overseas Suggested revision: foreign companies introduce new products or services Why it matters: The replacement clearly identifies the commercial actors and their action.
- 11. Fix number and comparison Original: different types of chocolates the price of which is cheaper Suggested revision: different types of chocolate at lower prices Why it matters: “Chocolate” is uncountable here, and multiple types are sold at plural prices.
- 12. Fix number and comma Original: new, foreign type of chocolate Suggested revision: new foreign types of chocolate Why it matters: The reference is to several types, and no comma separates these cumulative adjectives.
Suggested Rewrites
- people have many advantages from people gain many benefits from
- much many
- from the international relationship with different countries from international relationships with other countries
- come to visit new places from different countries travel from different countries to visit new places
- different another
- local environment has been polluted the local environment becomes polluted
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its consistently clear disagreement, supported by relevant environmental and economic examples. Its main limitation is that frequent grammatical and lexical inaccuracies make several explanations awkward, even though the intended meaning remains understandable. Prioritise revising imprecise phrases and sentence structures, then separate the introduction, main arguments and conclusion into distinct paragraphs to make the response more controlled and accessible.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear position, and develops two relevant disadvantages with examples, although some claims are overgeneralised.
Qualify the examples by explaining when foreign tourism or competition causes harm rather than implying that these outcomes occur universally.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear sequence and uses cohesive phrases effectively, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens its organisation.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one developed central idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing tourism, the environment, and local business, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as “businesses have been distracted” and “disturb this place” with precise expressions such as “businesses are displaced” and “damage the site.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, plurals, verb forms, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for article use and verb agreement, especially in constructions describing tourists, historical sites, and local businesses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.