Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A healthy lifestyle and healthy livingHealthy lifestyle and healthy living are two commonly used terms nowadays. With technological advancement and modern lifestylesWith the technological advancement and modern lifestyle, people are becoming less focused on keeping themselves fit and healthypeople are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy. The issue of promoting health is widely discussedquite in a vogue. Some people think that more money should be spent on raising awareness among peoplecreating awareness among the people, instead of treating the ones who are already ill. The followingbelow paragraphs will analyse the problem in detail before coming to an appropriate conclusion.
With modernization and urbanisation,With the modernization and urbanisation more and more people are exposed to diseases nowadays. People are being affected bybecoming ill and affected by various debilitating diseases like tuberculosis, diabetes, and cancerTB, Diabetes and Cancer. Individuals themselvesIndividual himself cannot be totally blamed for this condition. It is both the government and the rapidly changing lifestyle of the people, responsible for their health problems. It is, therefore, the duty of the authority to look after its people. The government must spend a smalllittle amount of money on the health issues affecting the countryhealth issues created in the country. This can be done in various ways.
Firstly, awareness of healthy living should be raised among peoplethere should be awareness created among the people about the healthy living. Healthcare programmes, campaigns, and seminarsHealth care programs, campaigns, seminars etc. should be organised by the authority to inform people about the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. Issues concerning proper sanitation, a balanced diet, and regular exerciseproper sanitation, balanced diet, regular exercise should be dealt with. Secondly, health care facilities should be improved; for example, diagnostic facilities such as X-rays and MRI scansdiagnostic facilities like X-ray, MRI should be available to the patient in order to start the treatment as early as possible. Lastly, since each and every person cannot afford the cost of his treatment, those should be taken care of. Moreover, providing financial assistance to people who are ill and poorhelping ill and poor people in terms of money for the sake of humanity can be the one reason.
To conclude, I neither completely agree nor disagree with the statement that money should solely be spent on promoting health and not on treating people who are ill. In fact, expenditure should be done equally for overcoming both the problems. Treatment should be provided alongside awareness programmesTreatment should be carried out with the awareness programmes so that the further spread of illness can be preventedspreading of this problem can be prevented further.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both prevention and treatment and reaches a clear balanced conclusion, with relevant suggestions such as awareness campaigns and affordable care. However, the position appears late, development is uneven, and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical lapses reduce precision. The highest priority is to state the balanced position in the introduction and structure the body around clearly explained reasons for funding each side.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of public health spending are addressed and a clear balanced view emerges, but the position is delayed and several ideas remain general.
State the degree of agreement at the outset and explain why each spending priority deserves the proposed equal allocation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly logical progression, though some paragraphs mix purposes and several references are vague.
Use one focused paragraph for prevention and one for treatment, with clear topic sentences and precise referencing.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some less common language, but frequent inaccurate collocations weaken precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as "quite in a vogue" and "expenditure should be done" with concise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and passive-construction errors are noticeable.
Edit each complex sentence for articles, subject-verb agreement, and complete clause structure before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.