Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Healthy lifestyle and healthy living are two commonly used terms nowadays. With the technological advancement and modern lifestyle, people are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy. The issue of promoting health is quite in a vogue. Some people think that more money should be spent on creating awareness among the people, instead of treating the ones who are already ill. The below paragraphs will analyse the problem in detail before coming to an appropriate conclusion.
With the modernization and urbanisation more and more people are exposed to diseases nowadays. People are becoming ill and affected by various debilitating diseases like TB, Diabetes and Cancer. Individual himself cannot be totally blamed for this condition. It is both the government and the rapidly changing lifestyle of the people, responsible for their health problems. It is, therefore, the duty of the authority to look after its people. The government must spend a little amount of money on the health issues created in the country. This can be done in various ways.
Firstly, there should be awareness created among the people about the healthy living. Health care programs, campaigns, seminars etc. should be organised by the authority to inform people about the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. Issues concerning proper sanitation, balanced diet, regular exercise should be dealt with. Secondly, health care facilities should be improved; for example, diagnostic facilities like X-ray, MRI should be available to the patient in order to start the treatment as early as possible. Lastly, since each and every person cannot afford the cost of his treatment, those should be taken care of. Moreover, helping ill and poor people in terms of money for the sake of humanity can be the one reason.
To conclude, I neither completely agree nor disagree with the statement that money should solely be spent on promoting health and not on treating people who are ill. In fact, expenditure should be done equally for overcoming both the problems. Treatment should be carried out with the awareness programmes so that spreading of this problem can be prevented further.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing article Original: Healthy lifestyle and healthy living Suggested revision: A healthy lifestyle and healthy living Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase “healthy lifestyle” requires an article.
- 2. Fix noun forms Original: With the technological advancement and modern lifestyle Suggested revision: With technological advancement and modern lifestyles Why it matters: Technological advancement is used generally without “the,” while “lifestyles” should be plural.
- 3. Clarify the trend Original: people are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy Suggested revision: people are becoming less focused on keeping themselves fit and healthy Why it matters: “Diverted from” suggests an external redirection and does not express the intended change naturally.
- 4. Fix idiomatic expression Original: quite in a vogue Suggested revision: widely discussed Why it matters: The phrase “in a vogue” is not idiomatic and “widely discussed” fits the intended meaning.
- 5. Use awareness collocation Original: creating awareness among the people Suggested revision: raising awareness among people Why it matters: The standard collocation is “raise awareness,” not “create awareness.”
- 6. Fix adjective position Original: below Suggested revision: following Why it matters: “Below” does not naturally function before “paragraphs” in this phrase.
- 7. Remove article and punctuate Original: With the modernization and urbanisation Suggested revision: With modernization and urbanisation, Why it matters: The general processes need no article, and the introductory phrase requires a comma.
- 8. Remove faulty coordination Original: becoming ill and affected by Suggested revision: being affected by Why it matters: The original coordinates “ill” with “affected by diseases,” which is redundant and ungrammatical.
- 9. Standardize disease names Original: TB, Diabetes and Cancer Suggested revision: tuberculosis, diabetes, and cancer Why it matters: Common disease names should be written out consistently and not capitalized.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: Individual himself Suggested revision: Individuals themselves Why it matters: The general statement requires a plural noun and matching reflexive pronoun.
- 11. Use amount collocation Original: little Suggested revision: small Why it matters: Amounts are described as small or large rather than little.
- 12. Clarify health impact Original: health issues created in the country Suggested revision: health issues affecting the country Why it matters: Health issues affect a country; they are not naturally described as being “created” in it.
Suggested Rewrites
- Healthy lifestyle and healthy living A healthy lifestyle and healthy living
- With the technological advancement and modern lifestyle With technological advancement and modern lifestyles
- people are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy people are becoming less focused on keeping themselves fit and healthy
- quite in a vogue widely discussed
- creating awareness among the people raising awareness among people
- below following
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both prevention and treatment and reaches a clear balanced conclusion, with relevant suggestions such as awareness campaigns and affordable care. However, the position appears late, development is uneven, and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical lapses reduce precision. The highest priority is to state the balanced position in the introduction and structure the body around clearly explained reasons for funding each side.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of public health spending are addressed and a clear balanced view emerges, but the position is delayed and several ideas remain general.
State the degree of agreement at the outset and explain why each spending priority deserves the proposed equal allocation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly logical progression, though some paragraphs mix purposes and several references are vague.
Use one focused paragraph for prevention and one for treatment, with clear topic sentences and precise referencing.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some less common language, but frequent inaccurate collocations weaken precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as "quite in a vogue" and "expenditure should be done" with concise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and passive-construction errors are noticeable.
Edit each complex sentence for articles, subject-verb agreement, and complete clause structure before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.