Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In many developing nations such as Bangladesh, many people suggest that the focus should be on industrial development rather than agriculture to foster better overall progress. I firmly agree with the notion that shifting emphasis towards industrialization can significantly contribute to the country's advancement.
Firstly, industrial development can lead to job creation on a larger scale compared to agriculture. Establishing industries and manufacturing plants not only generates employment opportunities for a substantial number of individuals but also offers diverse career paths across various sectors such as engineering, technology, and management. For instance, the expansion of the garment industry in Bangladesh has provided millions of jobs to its citizens, particularly women, contributing significantly to poverty alleviation and economic empowerment.
Secondly, industrialization can diversify the economy and reduce dependency on agriculture. Overreliance on agriculture makes countries vulnerable to fluctuating market conditions, natural disasters, and climate change. By investing in industrial sectors such as manufacturing, technology, and services, countries like Bangladesh can create a more resilient and stable economy. For example, countries like South Korea and Singapore have successfully transitioned from agrarian-based economies to industrial powerhouses, experiencing rapid economic growth and development in the process.
In conclusion, concentrating more on industrial development rather than agriculture in countries like Bangladesh holds immense potential for driving progress and prosperity. By creating jobs, diversifying the economy, and reducing dependency on agriculture, industrialization can pave the way for sustainable growth and improve the overall standard of living for the population.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repeated many Original: In many developing nations such as Bangladesh, many people Suggested revision: In developing nations such as Bangladesh, many people Why it matters: The revision removes the close repetition of ‘many’ without changing the claim.
- 2. Use a direct verb Original: focus should be on industrial development Suggested revision: country should prioritize industrial development Why it matters: The direct verb makes the proposed policy action clearer.
- 3. Remove vague redundancy Original: foster better overall progress Suggested revision: foster overall development Why it matters: ‘Better’ and ‘progress’ add little precision beside ‘foster’ and ‘overall’.
- 4. Use concise policy wording Original: shifting emphasis towards industrialization Suggested revision: prioritizing industrialization Why it matters: The single verb expresses the proposed change more directly.
- 5. Use clear comparison Original: job creation on a larger scale compared to agriculture Suggested revision: job creation on a larger scale than agriculture Why it matters: ‘Than’ forms the comparison more directly than ‘compared to’.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: a substantial number of individuals Suggested revision: a large number of people Why it matters: The revision is clearer and less bureaucratic.
- 7. Correct jobs preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Jobs are provided ‘for’ people rather than ‘to’ them.
- 8. Use standard noun Original: dependency Suggested revision: dependence Why it matters: ‘Dependence’ is the more established noun for economic reliance in formal prose.
- 9. Avoid repeated category Original: countries like South Korea and Singapore Suggested revision: South Korea and Singapore Why it matters: The examples are already countries, so the category phrase is unnecessary.
- 10. Remove redundant suffix Original: agrarian-based economies Suggested revision: agrarian economies Why it matters: ‘Agrarian’ already means based on agriculture.
- 11. Use measured direct wording Original: holds immense potential for driving Suggested revision: has great potential to drive Why it matters: The revision reduces inflated nominal phrasing while preserving the positive evaluation.
- 12. Use concise possessive Original: overall standard of living for the population Suggested revision: population's overall standard of living Why it matters: The possessive construction states the relationship more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- In many developing nations such as Bangladesh, many people In developing nations such as Bangladesh, many people
- focus should be on industrial development country should prioritize industrial development
- foster better overall progress foster overall development
- shifting emphasis towards industrialization prioritizing industrialization
- job creation on a larger scale compared to agriculture job creation on a larger scale than agriculture
- a substantial number of individuals a large number of people
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a firm position and develops two persuasive benefits of industrialisation through specific, well-integrated examples. Its strongest feature is the precise connection between job creation, economic diversification, and national resilience; the main limitation is that it falls slightly below the required length and gives little consideration to the risks of deprioritising agriculture. Prioritise a brief qualification addressing food security or transition costs while retaining the focused argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained through two well-developed arguments and highly relevant country examples, despite the slight under-length response.
Add a concise qualification about food security or agricultural transition to deepen the comparison and exceed the minimum length.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, with focused paragraphs and cohesive links that make the argument effortless to follow.
Use a less formulaic transition than 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to make the progression even more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic across employment, economic resilience, and development.
Reduce repetition of 'industrial development' by using carefully chosen references where the meaning remains unambiguous.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and smoothly, with only very minor lapses.
Maintain this high level of control while varying sentence openings to give the body paragraphs greater rhythmic flexibility.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.