Some people say that violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Many argue that the depiction of violence in the mass media encourages violence in society. I entirely agree with this opinion and believe that violent media content contributes to the prevalence of violence in society because it severely influences people and influences individuals to show aggressive behaviour.
Regular exposure to violence in the media can encourage people to real-life acts of violence. When the portrayal of violence in media becomes frequent, it may reduce emotional response and the feeling of shock associated with violent behaviour. Over time, people tend to lose their inhibitions about violence, thereby adopting a tolerant attitude towards aggressive behaviour. A recent study, for instance, has revealed that people who consume a substantial amount of violent media content, such as violent films or video games, may become used to violence. This normalisation of violence in someone's mind can make individuals less empathetic towards victims of violence and tend to engage in violent behaviour.
Likewise, media violence also promotes violence through glamorization. That is to say that the media often depicts violence in a way that glamorizes perpetrators as heroic, powerful and victorious. This, in turn, can create an overwhelming impression that violence is a necessary means of solving problems, achieving goals, or gaining dominance. Such depictions tend to encourage people, especially those who are vulnerable to aggressive tendencies, to view violence as a heroic act. For example, research carried out by psychologist L. Rowell Huesmann found that teenagers who watched extensive hours of violent TV shows associated with heroism when they were in primary school were more likely to exhibit higher levels of aggressive behaviour when they became adults.
To conclude, I think that media violence breeds violence in the community because it can desensitize individuals to violence and also encourage them to perform violent acts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete verb pattern Original: encourage people to real-life acts Suggested revision: encourage people to commit real-life acts Why it matters: The verb "encourage" needs an infinitive that states the action people perform.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: feeling Suggested revision: sense Why it matters: "Sense of shock" is the more natural collocation for this emotional response.
- 3. Use precise phrasing Original: a tolerant attitude towards aggressive behaviour Suggested revision: greater tolerance of aggressive behaviour Why it matters: The revision expresses the gradual reduction in inhibition more directly.
- 4. Remove redundant linker Original: Likewise, media violence also Suggested revision: Likewise, media violence Why it matters: "Likewise" and "also" perform the same linking function here.
- 5. Use concise transition Original: That is to say that Suggested revision: That is, Why it matters: The shorter transition introduces the explanation without unnecessary wording.
- 6. Choose precise intensity Original: an overwhelming impression Suggested revision: the strong impression Why it matters: "Strong impression" is more natural for describing the belief created by repeated depictions.
- 7. Simplify awkward phrase Original: those who are vulnerable to aggressive tendencies Suggested revision: those with aggressive tendencies Why it matters: The revision removes an awkward collocation without changing the intended group.
- 8. Correct quantity collocation Original: extensive Suggested revision: many Why it matters: Hours are described as "many" or "long," not "extensive".
- 9. Clarify relationship Original: violent TV shows associated with heroism Suggested revision: violent TV shows in which violence was associated with heroism Why it matters: The relative clause makes clear that violence, rather than the shows themselves, was linked with heroism.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: I entirely agree with this opinion and believe that violent media content contributes to the prevalence of violence in society because it severely influences people and influences individuals to show aggressive behaviour. Suggested revision: I entirely agree with this opinion because violent media content can strongly influence people to display aggressive behaviour, contributing to the prevalence of violence in society. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the repeated verb and corrects the awkward collocation "show aggressive behaviour."
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This normalisation of violence in someone's mind can make individuals less empathetic towards victims of violence and tend to engage in violent behaviour. Suggested revision: This normalisation of violence can make individuals less empathetic towards victims and more likely to engage in violent behaviour. Why it matters: The rewrite restores parallel structure after "make individuals" and removes unnecessary repetition.
Suggested Rewrites
- encourage people to real-life acts encourage people to commit real-life acts
- feeling sense
- a tolerant attitude towards aggressive behaviour greater tolerance of aggressive behaviour
- Likewise, media violence also Likewise, media violence
- That is to say that That is,
- an overwhelming impression the strong impression
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response takes an unambiguous position and develops two persuasive, relevant mechanisms—desensitisation and glamorisation—with focused explanation and support. Progression and vocabulary are strong, but a few awkward constructions and faulty clause relationships slightly reduce precision, particularly where people are encouraged to real-life acts or made less empathetic and then tend to offend. Refine these isolated sentence-level errors while preserving the essay’s clear structure and depth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both main reasons are relevant, well developed, and supported with specific examples.
Make the research example’s connection to glamorised heroic violence fully explicit so every detail directly advances the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion with well-managed cohesion.
Reduce slight lexical repetition around violence and encourages when linking adjacent claims.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and generally precise, with effective language for desensitisation, empathy, glamorisation, and aggression.
Refine the few unnatural combinations, especially encourage people to real-life acts and watched extensive hours.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong overall control, while a few clause and complementation errors remain.
Correct parallel structures and verb complements so phrases such as make individuals less empathetic and tend to engage have a single grammatical subject.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
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