Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of citizens is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Healthcare is a fundamental aspect of societal well-being and is often a subject of debate concerning its universal accessibility for all citizens. While some argue that citizens should bear the responsibility for their health and that healthcare should not be universally free, I vehemently disagree with this notion. I believe that access to healthcare is a basic human right and should not be made an individual accountability.
One pivotal reason for my opinion is that health is influenced by a myriad of factors beyond an individual's control. Genetic predispositions, environmental factors, and unforeseen accidents can significantly impact one's health status irrespective of personal lifestyle choices. For instance, a person born with a genetic illness or someone exposed to environmental toxins due to their location cannot be held solely accountable for their health conditions.
Furthermore, making healthcare contingent on financial status exacerbates societal inequality. In a system where healthcare is only accessible to those who can afford it, the less affluent are disproportionately affected. This leads to a stark contrast in the level of healthcare received between the wealthy and the less privileged, perpetuating social disparities and hindering equitable access to essential medical services. For instance, in countries without universal healthcare, such as the United States, low-income families often delay or avoid medical treatment due to high costs, resulting in poorer health outcomes compared to wealthier individuals.
In conclusion, healthcare is a fundamental human right that should be universally accessible, irrespective of an individual's financial standing. Health outcomes are influenced by multifaceted factors that go beyond personal responsibility, and denying healthcare based on income exacerbates societal inequalities. A system that guarantees equal access to healthcare promotes social justice and ensures that citizens, regardless of their financial situation, have the opportunity to lead healthy lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise collocation Original: fundamental aspect of societal well-being Suggested revision: fundamental component of social well-being Why it matters: “Component of” is a more precise way to describe healthcare’s role in well-being.
- 2. Make wording concise Original: subject of debate concerning its universal accessibility for all citizens Suggested revision: subject of debate over universal access for all citizens Why it matters: The revision removes the abstract and wordy phrase “its universal accessibility.”
- 3. Use concise collocation Original: bear the responsibility for their health Suggested revision: bear responsibility for their health Why it matters: “Bear responsibility” does not require the definite article in this general statement.
- 4. Moderate academic tone Original: vehemently disagree with this notion Suggested revision: strongly disagree with this view Why it matters: This phrasing states firm disagreement in a more measured academic register.
- 5. Fix accountability collocation Original: made an individual accountability Suggested revision: treated as an individual responsibility Why it matters: A right can be “treated as” a responsibility, but it cannot be “made an accountability.”
- 6. Use direct phrasing Original: One pivotal reason for my opinion Suggested revision: One key reason for this view Why it matters: The revision is more concise and avoids the inflated adjective “pivotal.”
- 7. Clarify location reference Original: due to their location Suggested revision: because of where they live Why it matters: The revision makes the relationship between exposure and residence explicit.
- 8. Clarify whose finances Original: contingent on financial status Suggested revision: dependent on a person's financial status Why it matters: Naming the person clarifies whose financial status controls access.
- 9. Fix comparison phrase Original: a stark contrast in the level of healthcare received between Suggested revision: a stark disparity in the level of healthcare received by Why it matters: Healthcare is received “by” groups, and “disparity” fits unequal levels more naturally than “contrast.”
- 10. Avoid redundant wording Original: multifaceted Suggested revision: multiple Why it matters: “Factors” already implies distinct aspects, so “multiple” states the intended quantity directly.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, in countries without universal healthcare, such as the United States, low-income families often delay or avoid medical treatment due to high costs, resulting in poorer health outcomes compared to wealthier individuals. Suggested revision: For instance, in countries without universal healthcare, such as the United States, low-income families often delay or avoid medical treatment because of high costs and consequently experience poorer health outcomes than wealthier individuals. Why it matters: The rewrite makes low-income families the clear subject of both actions and creates a grammatically parallel comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- fundamental aspect of societal well-being fundamental component of social well-being
- subject of debate concerning its universal accessibility for all citizens subject of debate over universal access for all citizens
- bear the responsibility for their health bear responsibility for their health
- vehemently disagree with this notion strongly disagree with this view
- made an individual accountability treated as an individual responsibility
- One pivotal reason for my opinion One key reason for this view
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a firm position and supports it with two well-developed, directly relevant arguments about uncontrollable health factors and financial inequality. Its reasoning is coherent and its language is varied and highly controlled, with only an occasional awkward expression. The main refinement is to make every phrase fully idiomatic and slightly deepen the qualification of the real-world example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position and two well-supported reasons that remain relevant throughout.
Add a brief qualification to the country example so the argument acknowledges variation within healthcare systems without losing focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices and referencing are handled smoothly.
Make the conclusion slightly more concise by synthesising the two reasons without restating several earlier formulations.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only isolated awkward wording such as "an individual accountability."
Refine the few non-idiomatic noun combinations so that the sophisticated vocabulary sounds consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the great majority of sentences are error-free.
Maintain this control while varying sentence openings a little more to give the argument an even more natural rhythm.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of citizens is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.