There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Sample Response
It is true that the motive of people who do shopping has changed these days. Though I agree with the opinion that they do not value the worth of money, not all individuals are alike. In this essay, I will support my stand by showing that only till a certain age people are not able to understand the value of money.
There are at least few people who are really shopping for needs. For instance, almost all of the family men and women analyse their requirements, income they earn and put a monthly budget. In this case, since they have to run their families and take care of their wants of everyone in the family like parents and children, they should definitely adhere to their budget and run the family. Be it a shopping from clothes or groceries or any other commodity arises only out of the dire need for it.
On the other side, I also accept that number of citizens who has taken up shopping as a hobby has increased in the recent past. The poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon. It is quite natural that the middle-class parents pamper their children and get things done beyond their limit. As a result, the children do not have an opportunity to analyse the cost. Consequently, when this child grows up in the society, the shopping mentality remains the same. Bothering less about the need and the prize of the product, they do shopping.
It should also be noted that shopping as a leisure activity remains only till a certain age limit. This new form of hobby has cropped up only among youngsters. This is proved by the recent survey on the shopping habits of men and women. Till the individuals strive hard to earn each penny, they will never ever realise the worth of it. Once they start earning, they could analyse the need and cost of the product they buy.
After analysing the development it is not hard to see that shopping habits have changed in the recent decades and it is also sure that every individual will not get attracted to materialistic life after a certain age since they get matured enough to consider the necessity and cost of the products more than anything.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrase Original: motive of people who do shopping Suggested revision: reasons people shop Why it matters: The concise replacement uses the natural verb shop rather than do shopping.
- 2. Avoid redundant meaning Original: do not value the worth of money Suggested revision: do not appreciate the value of money Why it matters: Value and worth repeat the same idea in the original phrase.
- 3. Use formal position term Original: stand Suggested revision: position Why it matters: Position is the conventional academic term for the writer's stated view.
- 4. Add the article Original: at least few people Suggested revision: at least a few people Why it matters: The positive quantifier a few requires the indefinite article.
- 5. Use natural shopping phrase Original: really shopping for needs Suggested revision: shopping only for necessities Why it matters: Necessities expresses purchases made from genuine need more precisely.
- 6. Use inclusive phrasing Original: family men and women Suggested revision: adults with families Why it matters: The replacement naturally identifies people responsible for household budgets.
- 7. Repair noun phrase Original: take care of their wants of everyone Suggested revision: meet the needs of everyone Why it matters: The original phrase has conflicting possessives and an unnatural verb-noun combination.
- 8. Clarify family support Original: run Suggested revision: support Why it matters: Support the family expresses the financial responsibility intended here.
- 9. Use contrast marker Original: side Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: On the other hand is the established transition for introducing a contrasting perspective.
- 10. Add article and agreement Original: that number of citizens who has Suggested revision: that the number of citizens who have Why it matters: Number requires the definite article here, while who refers to plural citizens and takes have.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: The poor parenting Suggested revision: Poor parenting Why it matters: Poor parenting is an uncountable general concept and does not take the definite article.
- 12. Clarify excessive spending Original: get things done beyond their limit Suggested revision: buy things beyond their means Why it matters: Beyond their means naturally describes spending more than parents can afford.
Suggested Rewrites
- motive of people who do shopping reasons people shop
- do not value the worth of money do not appreciate the value of money
- stand position
- at least few people at least a few people
- really shopping for needs shopping only for necessities
- family men and women adults with families
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear, qualified position and develops a logical age-based explanation through relevant examples of budgeting, parenting and earning. Its main limitation is imprecise language and frequent grammatical lapses, which make several sentences awkward despite generally clear meaning; some generalisations also need firmer support. The highest priority is to express each claim in more natural, accurate sentence structures while keeping the argument consistently tied to the extent of agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the extent question with a clear qualified view and develops relevant explanations, although some age-based claims are overgeneralised or weakly substantiated.
Qualify the broad claims about young people and maturity, and explain more directly how each example supports the stated degree of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in clear paragraphs with an overall logical progression, though a few transitions and references are mechanical or imprecise.
Use topic sentences that explicitly connect each paragraph to the qualified thesis and remove transitions that do not accurately express the relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss budgeting, parenting and materialism, but recurrent collocation and word-choice errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace awkward phrases such as put a monthly budget and do shopping with established collocations, and proofread for confusions such as price and prize.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, plurality and sentence construction remain noticeable.
Check noun phrases and subject-verb agreement systematically, especially after quantifiers and in sentences containing several dependent clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People do not appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.