Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Sample Response
One of the reasons why companies choose to promote some employeesemployee is seniority. While the length of service is undoubtedly an important factor, my belief is that it shouldmy belief is it should certainly not be the only criterion for deciding who should be promoted. Rather, itRather it would be best for companies to have a broader promotion policya more varied policy in this area. There are undoubtedly sound argumentsThere are without question sound arguments for promoting employees who have worked for the company for many yearshave been working for a company for a number of years. The first of these is that these more experienced employees would be able to adapt themselves to be in a higher position. As they understandAs they would understand the company’s culture and policiesculture and policies of the company better, they should be given priority for higher positionsgiven priority to be in higher positions in a company. On a practical levelAgain, on a practical level, if they were not promoted, they might well leave the company to securefind a higher position and earn a higherlarger salary. This could have serious consequences for the company, which might lose a significant amount of business to its competitors. Despite these factors, there is a strong argument in favour of also promoting staff because of their performance. This can be seen in the wayseen by how some multinational companies use annual performance and development reviews when making promotion decisionswhen deciding on promotion. Under this system, a supervisor can set targets for an employee and if those targets are met, then the employeestaff can be promoted, even if they are relatively junior. The benefit of this approach is that it encourages staff to work harder and rewards merit rather than merely long servicerewards merit and not just slow service. In conclusion, there is undoubtedly a casethere is no doubt a case for implementing a policy of promoting long serving members of staff, but I believe that it is also wise to take account of the performance of more junior members of staff.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response develops a clear, balanced position that seniority deserves consideration while performance should also determine promotion, and it supports both sides with credible workplace consequences and appraisal practices. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay is one paragraph, and some phrasing is repetitive or slightly inaccurate. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the seniority and merit arguments into focused paragraphs and refine the comparison between long service and demonstrated performance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The proposition is addressed directly through well-developed arguments for experience and merit, with a clear position maintained throughout.
Add one concise criterion for combining tenure and performance in an actual promotion policy to make the recommendation more concrete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the position through seniority and performance to the conclusion, but the single-paragraph format weakens visible organisation.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for seniority, one for performance, and a concise concluding recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise for promotion policy and workplace performance, with only occasional awkward or incorrect choices.
Replace phrases such as 'adapt themselves to be in a higher position' and 'slow service' with 'adapt to senior roles' and 'long service'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately overall, despite a few article, agreement, and complement errors.
Correct forms such as 'promote some employees', 'my belief is that', and 'members of staff can be promoted'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.