The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, the number of overweight people has been increasing rapidly, putting pressure on the healthcare systemcausing pressures on the healthcare system. Some people believe that one of the best ways to tackle this issue is to introduceone of the best ways to tackle this issue is by introducing more physical education lessons in the school syllabus. I completely agree with this viewpoint.
Firstly, schools are ideal placesschools are an ideal place to promote physical activity and healthy habits among children. By making physical education a mandatory part of the curriculum, children would be encouraged to engage in physical activity regularly; this could help preventregularly, which could help prevent obesity and other related health issues. Additionally, providing physical education classes would help children develop important skills, such as teamwork, communication, and leadership, which can be beneficial later in lifein their future lives.
Moreover, regular physical activity has been linked to improved academic performance in children. Studies have shown that children who engage in physical activity regularly perform better academically than those who do not. This is because physical activity improves blood flowhelps improve blood flow to the brain, leading to better cognitive function and memory retention. Thus, by introducing more physical education lessons, schools can improve both the physical and mental health of their students.
Furthermore, by encouraging physical activity through school-based programmes, children may be more likely to maintaincontinue these habits into adulthood. This could have a positive impact on the healthcare system by reducing the number of people with obesity-related health issues, such as heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. To give an example, a recent study showed that more than 70% of adults who do regular exercise were encouraged to do so at their early age.
In conclusion, I believe that introducing more physical education lessons in schools is an effective way to tackle the growing problemissue of obesity and related health problems. By promoting physical activity and healthy habits among children, schools can improve the physical and mental health of their students, potentially benefiting the healthcare system in the long runwhich could have a positive impact on the healthcare system in the long run.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, sustained position, developed through relevant links between school exercise, long-term habits, and reduced pressure on healthcare. Its main limitation is that the academic-performance discussion contributes less directly to proving that additional physical education is the best remedy. The highest-priority improvement is to prioritise comparative reasoning about obesity prevention and explain why this measure is more effective than plausible alternatives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear agreement and develops several relevant reasons, including long-term effects on healthcare demand.
Focus every supporting point on obesity reduction and explain why school-based exercise is especially effective compared with other measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing managed effectively.
Make the connection between the academic-performance paragraph and the central obesity argument more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A broad and appropriate topic vocabulary is used clearly, though repetition and a few awkward collocations limit precision.
Vary repeated terms such as ‘physical activity’ and correct combinations such as ‘causing pressures’ and ‘at their early age’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with a high degree of accuracy and consistently clear meaning.
Polish occasional awkward noun phrases and clause constructions while preserving the existing structural range.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.