A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
According to many, when a country's population is made up of individuals with diverse backgrounds, it helps this country become unique and interesting while also fostering the country's development. In this essay, I will argue in favour of this statement as I wholeheartedly believe that a nation becomes increasingly captivating and experiences accelerated progress when its population encompasses a diverse range of nationalities, contributing to its vibrant character and rapid development.
To begin with, a mix of nationalities brings with it a variety of cultures, beliefs, and perspectives that can lead to innovation and creativity. This cultural exchange can lead to new ways of thinking and problem-solving that can help the country develop more rapidly. Additionally, it can also create new economic opportunities as people from different backgrounds bring with them their skills and expertise. A recent study reveals that the blending of nationalities fosters a rich cultural tapestry, igniting innovation and creativity.
Moreover, a diverse population can help a country establish stronger diplomatic relations with other countries. Countries with a mix of nationalities can use their cultural diversity as a soft power tool to foster goodwill and build stronger relationships with other nations. For instance, countries such as Canada, Australia, and the United States have used their multiculturalism policies to improve their international image and enhance their diplomatic relations with other countries.
In conclusion, a country becomes more attractive and grows more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. The benefits of a diverse population, including innovation, creativity, economic opportunities, and stronger diplomatic relations are rather obvious. Therefore, countries should strive to promote and celebrate their diversity to improve their development and create a more vibrant society.
1. The more diverse the nationalities in a country, the richer its culture and traditions become.
2. People from different backgrounds have different things to offer in terms of ideas, experiences and expertise. Thus a country with diverse nationalities develops faster.
3. Multi-ethnic societies offer a wealthy pool of ideas and lifestyles which lead to innovations.
4. Cosmopolitan cities build facilities and infrastructures keeping different nationalities in mind and thus become favourite destinations for international tourists.
5. Citizens in such a country foster tolerance and peaceful coexistence.
6. Members of a racially and ethnically diverse society are better prepared to deal with global trades.
7. In such a society, people get to choose the best aspects of various cultural attitudes instead of having no choice but to embrace the traditional attitudes of their own culture.
8. Generations in such a country become biologically well-suited to face challenges and living in more adverse conditions.
1. Different opinions about the same issue and varying outlooks on life. This may lead to social unrest and injustice. 2. It may lead to ethnic conflicts and civil unrest. 3. The country may lose its unique cultural identity altogether. 4. People possess discriminatory views about the minority group which generate hatred and anger.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify diversity subject Original: it helps this country Suggested revision: such diversity helps the country Why it matters: The explicit subject removes the unclear reference of “it.”
- 2. Specify cultural appeal Original: increasingly captivating Suggested revision: more culturally engaging Why it matters: The revision identifies the particular kind of attractiveness being claimed.
- 3. Use direct development phrase Original: experiences accelerated progress Suggested revision: develops more rapidly Why it matters: The direct verb phrase expresses national progress more naturally.
- 4. Refer to people accurately Original: encompasses a diverse range of nationalities Suggested revision: includes people of diverse nationalities Why it matters: A population contains people, while nationalities are attributes rather than members.
- 5. Clarify result relationship Original: contributing to its vibrant character and rapid development Suggested revision: thereby contributing to its vibrant character and rapid development Why it matters: “Thereby” makes the result relationship with diversity explicit.
- 6. Use direct innovation verb Original: can lead to innovation Suggested revision: can foster innovation Why it matters: “Foster” expresses encouraging innovation more concisely.
- 7. Avoid repeated lead phrase Original: can lead to new ways Suggested revision: can generate new ways Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “lead to” while preserving the causal claim.
- 8. Remove redundant addition Original: Additionally, it can also Suggested revision: Additionally, it can Why it matters: “Additionally” and “also” perform the same linking function.
- 9. Remove redundant pronouns Original: bring with them their skills Suggested revision: bring their skills Why it matters: The shorter construction states what people contribute without repeated pronouns.
- 10. Avoid repeated country noun Original: countries Suggested revision: nations Why it matters: The alternative noun reduces repetition while preserving the meaning.
- 11. Close inserted list Original: relations are rather obvious Suggested revision: relations, are clear Why it matters: The comma closes the inserted list of benefits, and “clear” is more measured than “rather obvious.”
- 12. Specify varied contributions Original: different things to offer Suggested revision: varied contributions to make Why it matters: The revision replaces the vague noun “things” with a precise description of what people provide.
Suggested Rewrites
- it helps this country such diversity helps the country
- increasingly captivating more culturally engaging
- experiences accelerated progress develops more rapidly
- encompasses a diverse range of nationalities includes people of diverse nationalities
- contributing to its vibrant character and rapid development thereby contributing to its vibrant character and rapid development
- can lead to innovation can foster innovation
Why this response received Band 6.5
The opening essay presents a clear agreement position, develops cultural, economic, and diplomatic benefits logically, and uses generally flexible language. However, the large set of numbered notes after the conclusion disrupts progression, includes undeveloped assertions, and introduces opposing points that are not reconciled with the stated stance. Remove the notes and turn the strongest two benefits into fully supported body paragraphs with precise examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The main essay clearly agrees and explains several relevant benefits, but the appended notes contain undeveloped claims and opposing ideas that weaken the response's consistency.
Select two or three strongest reasons, develop their connection to national interest and faster development, and omit unreconciled brainstorming notes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph essay has clear internal progression, but the numbered material placed after the conclusion seriously disrupts the overall sequence and paragraphing.
End after a concise conclusion, or integrate any useful listed point into a logically ordered body paragraph with an explicit link to the thesis.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective language for culture, innovation, economics, and diplomacy, though several list items contain awkward collocations.
Maintain the range while checking combinations such as wealthy pool and global trades for more natural and exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The main paragraphs use a good variety of largely accurate complex structures, but fragments and faulty parallel forms occur repeatedly in the appended notes.
Convert every retained list fragment into a complete sentence and check parallel structure after coordinated verbs and phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.