To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
Sample Response
In this digital age, we are barraged with an endless amount of advertisements on a daily basis, ranging from adverts on our cell phones to personal soliciting. Nonetheless, many of the methods used to advertise can be considered unacceptable and immoral.
To begin, a common agenda of many advertisers is to first make their audience feel deprived and then to instil a belief in their viewers that only through buying the advertised product or service, they can attain satisfaction. Most people would agree that this strategy is at the very least unacceptable and at worst sinister. Another unacceptable tactic used by advertisers is the deliberate misrepresentation of their products as being scarce and only available for a limited amount of time, by doing this they exploit the human psychology, which places a higher value on things that are apparently not abundant.
In addition, the fact that we can’t escape from advertising is in my opinion, an invasion of personal privacy. In this era of democracy, human beings should have the free will to decide what information they wish to receive but through internet and telemarketing, advertisers have the choice to shove their products down our throats. To illustrate, when browsing the internet, ads can pop up anytime, one after another and after a certain number of times, these intrusive ads can become excruciatingly frustrating.
In brief, I agree with the notion that many of the tactics used for adverting in today’s world are both unacceptable and unethical because they are manipulative and violate a person’s privacy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a countable quantifier Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: “Advertisements” is countable, so it takes “number” rather than “amount”.
- 2. Use a precise noun Original: a common agenda of many advertisers Suggested revision: a common aim among many advertisers Why it matters: “Aim” describes an intended outcome, while “agenda” is inappropriate here.
- 3. Improve the verb pattern Original: instil a belief in their viewers Suggested revision: instil in their viewers the belief Why it matters: This word order connects the recipient and the belief more clearly.
- 4. Set off the interrupter Original: unacceptable and at worst Suggested revision: unacceptable and, at worst, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase “at worst” should be enclosed by commas.
- 5. Remove wordy complementation Original: misrepresentation of their products as being scarce Suggested revision: misrepresentation of their products as scarce Why it matters: The adjective can follow “as” directly without “being”.
- 6. Place only precisely Original: only available for a limited amount of time Suggested revision: available only for a limited time Why it matters: This placement makes clear that the limitation concerns duration.
- 7. Remove the article Original: the human psychology Suggested revision: human psychology Why it matters: The general field “human psychology” does not take “the” here.
- 8. Avoid the contraction Original: can’t Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The full form is more suitable in formal academic writing.
- 9. Punctuate the aside Original: is in my opinion, Suggested revision: is, in my opinion, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase “in my opinion” requires commas on both sides.
- 10. Use the appropriate noun Original: the free will Suggested revision: the freedom Why it matters: “Freedom to decide” is the natural expression in this context.
- 11. Add the article Original: through internet Suggested revision: through the internet Why it matters: The common noun “internet” normally takes the definite article here.
- 12. Use formal wording Original: shove their products down our throats Suggested revision: force their products upon us Why it matters: The revision preserves the criticism without an overly conversational idiom.
Suggested Rewrites
- amount number
- a common agenda of many advertisers a common aim among many advertisers
- instil a belief in their viewers instil in their viewers the belief
- unacceptable and at worst unacceptable and, at worst,
- misrepresentation of their products as being scarce misrepresentation of their products as scarce
- only available for a limited amount of time available only for a limited time
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay maintains a clear position and develops two persuasive concerns: manipulative scarcity tactics and intrusive advertising that undermines privacy. Its strongest feature is the focused, relevant support, while the main limitation is sentence control, particularly comma splices and a few imprecise expressions. Prioritise splitting the long tactic and internet-advertising sentences into controlled units, then replace vague wording with precise terms such as unsolicited marketing and consumer psychology.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and the arguments about manufactured dissatisfaction, false scarcity and privacy are relevant and well developed.
Add one concrete real-world illustration of a misleading scarcity claim or targeted advertising practice to deepen the support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two focused body paragraphs and conclusion create strong progression, with cohesive devices generally used effectively.
Improve local flow by separating the false-scarcity explanation and the intrusive-ad example into shorter, more clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is flexible and often precise, with strong choices such as "deliberate misrepresentation," "scarce" and "intrusive," despite several awkward expressions.
Replace "personal soliciting," "common agenda" and "the human psychology" with "unsolicited marketing," "common strategy" and "consumer psychology."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used successfully, but comma splices, article omissions and punctuation errors occur in prominent long sentences.
Separate independent clauses with full stops or semicolons and revise phrases such as "through the internet" and "in my opinion" without an unnecessary following comma.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.