A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Global migration of people began with soaring industrialization and due to the major global wars. As a result, many developed nations experience the amalgamation of different cultures and traditions. It is often argued that this diversification of nationalities and cultures makes the country more attractive and helps the nation progress faster. I totally agree with this viewpoint. First of all, in a country with cross-cultural integrity, public areas, facilities and tourist spots are designed considering all inhabitants including expatriates. Shopping malls, entertainment centres, beaches etc. public places become more appealing and usable. The cities become global towns and bear the mark of truly diverse traditions and cultures. For example, in several countries, different nationalities reside together and taking this in mind, a global village is designed for them. Such a global village attracts thousands of tourists around the globe and it claims to be the world's tourism, leisure, shopping and entertainment destination. In addition to this, cosmopolitan societies are better for the overall progress of a country. That is perhaps why nations such as the USA, Australia and Canada, which are primarily multi-cultural societies, enjoy greater prosperity, stability and harmony. The transaction between immigrants and residents would quicken the currency circulations and increase the demand for consumption - two essential elements of economic development. Thus a country with different ethnic groups and a diverse culture enjoy quicker progress and cultural richness. In conclusion, counties with different cultural backgrounds and nationalities are much more intriguing. It is undeniable that cultural diversity in a country should be considered a welcoming trend for the attractiveness and faster growth of a nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the present perfect Original: many developed nations experience Suggested revision: many developed nations have experienced Why it matters: The present perfect connects the historical development with its continuing present result.
- 2. Use the precise noun Original: diversification Suggested revision: diversity Why it matters: “Diversity” describes an existing mixture more precisely than the process noun “diversification.”
- 3. Use a generic article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: No specific country has been identified, so the generic singular requires “a.”
- 4. Use the intended concept Original: cross-cultural integrity Suggested revision: cultural diversity Why it matters: “Cultural diversity” clearly names the coexistence of different cultures intended here.
- 5. Use an idiomatic phrase Original: considering Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “Designed with all inhabitants in mind” is the natural construction.
- 6. Complete the list clearly Original: beaches etc. public places Suggested revision: beaches and other public places Why it matters: “Etc.” cannot grammatically connect the listed examples to the following noun phrase.
- 7. Use the established term Original: global towns Suggested revision: cosmopolitan cities Why it matters: “Cosmopolitan cities” more naturally describes urban places shaped by many cultures.
- 8. Fix the idiom Original: taking Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “With this in mind” is the standard expression for introducing a related consideration.
- 9. Add the source preposition Original: tourists around the globe Suggested revision: tourists from around the globe Why it matters: “From” is needed to show that the tourists come from many places worldwide.
- 10. Avoid an illogical subject Original: it claims to be Suggested revision: it is promoted as Why it matters: A place cannot itself make the claim, so the passive construction supplies a logical meaning.
- 11. Fix the superlative claim Original: the world's tourism, leisure, shopping and entertainment destination Suggested revision: a global tourism, leisure, shopping and entertainment destination Why it matters: The original definite phrase is incomplete because it does not specify a superlative such as “leading.”
- 12. Use a precise collocation Original: better for the overall progress Suggested revision: more conducive to the overall progress Why it matters: “Conducive to” expresses the idea of supporting national progress more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- many developed nations experience many developed nations have experienced
- diversification diversity
- the a
- cross-cultural integrity cultural diversity
- considering with
- beaches etc. public places beaches and other public places
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear agreement and addresses both national attractiveness and faster development through a logically sequenced argument. Its main weakness is that several supporting claims are generalized or expressed through implausible and imprecise examples, while one-block presentation and recurring language lapses reduce polish. The priority is to separate the two main ideas into focused paragraphs and support each with a concrete, clearly reasoned example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the proposition are addressed under a clear position, with relevant ideas that are developed but sometimes generalized.
Use a specific, credible example to demonstrate how nationality diversity directly produces either greater interest or faster development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves clearly from attractiveness to economic progress, but the lack of paragraph breaks weakens the visibility of that structure.
Place the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion in separate paragraphs with a clear topic sentence for each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad vocabulary for migration, culture, and economics, but several awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce naturalness.
Prefer established academic combinations such as cultural diversity, consumer spending, and circulation of money, and remove vague promotional phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, although errors in agreement, coordination, punctuation, and phrasing occur noticeably.
Check sentence boundaries and agreement carefully, especially in coordinated phrases and sentences whose subjects are singular.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.