Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
A group of people believe that music course should not be included in the school curriculum, and children should focus on learning important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer and language. I personally disagree with the statement, since I believe that music plays an important part in human's life and the following essay will discuss it in details.
Firstly, based on the reliable scientific research, it was found that the music has a positive impact on children's brain development. These scientists believe that children who play musical instruments such as piano or violin are more intelligent than the ordinary children. Children who frequently listen to music or play music instruments have a proportionate use of their left and right brain; therefore they could combine their emotional and logical thinking. One of the examples is the famous composer Mozart, who had been introduced to music since he was five years old, and became one of the greatest world composers.
Secondly, the existence of music class also plays an important role for the school and the children as well. It is a fact that each child is born with different talent and passion. Some children might be born with the interest in calculation or logical thinking, but there are others who are born with the talent in arts, such as painting, singing or playing musical instruments. Therefore the existence of musical class can be used to facilitate and develop children who have a passion for music. Besides that, music class can also be used a preparation for school performance. It is common that during a graduation ceremony, there will be some performance from children and one of them might be the choir. The music class can be used for rehearsal, therefore, the children's choir could perform well during the ceremony.
In conclusion, several people believe that musical class should be eliminated from school curriculum since it is a waste of money and time. They believe that school should focus more on useful subjects, such as biology, chemistry or mathematics. I totally disagree with the statement, since I do believe that music can be a positive influence on the children's brain development. Besides that, it is true that every individual is born with different talent and passion; therefore schools cannot enforce children to focus on studying some particular subjects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural class noun Original: course Suggested revision: courses Why it matters: The statement refers generally to school courses, so a plural count noun is needed.
- 2. Name subjects precisely Original: important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer and language Suggested revision: important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer science and languages Why it matters: 'Computer science' is the subject name, and the general reference to languages needs a plural noun.
- 3. Remove incorrect possessive Original: human's Suggested revision: human Why it matters: The general concept is expressed with the attributive noun 'human', not a singular possessive.
- 4. Fix fixed expression Original: it in details Suggested revision: this in detail Why it matters: The standard expression is 'in detail', with an uncountable singular noun.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: the reliable scientific research Suggested revision: reliable scientific research Why it matters: 'Research' is uncountable in this general reference and does not take 'the'.
- 6. Correct tense and article Original: it was found that the music has Suggested revision: it has been found that music has Why it matters: The present perfect suits a continuing research finding, and general 'music' takes no article.
- 7. Use correct collocation Original: music Suggested revision: musical Why it matters: 'Musical' is the standard adjective used with 'instruments'.
- 8. Clarify balanced use Original: a proportionate use of their left and right brain Suggested revision: a balanced use of the left and right sides of their brains Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended balance clearly and uses the correct plural reference.
- 9. Fix connector and tense Original: therefore they could combine Suggested revision: therefore, they can combine Why it matters: The connector needs punctuation, and the present-tense general claim requires 'can'.
- 10. Correct time expression Original: introduced to music since he was five years old Suggested revision: introduced to music at the age of five Why it matters: A single starting age takes 'at', while 'since' requires a continuing time relationship.
- 11. Fix noun phrase Original: greatest world composers Suggested revision: world's greatest composers Why it matters: The possessive form correctly expresses that he was among the greatest composers in the world.
- 12. Fix number and redundancy Original: music class also plays an important role for the school and the children as well Suggested revision: music classes also play an important role for schools and children Why it matters: General references require plural nouns, and 'also' makes 'as well' redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- course courses
- important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer and language important subjects such as mathematics, science, computer science and languages
- human's human
- it in details this in detail
- the reliable scientific research reliable scientific research
- it was found that the music has it has been found that music has
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant reasons for retaining music lessons, with orderly paragraphing that makes the argument easy to follow. Its main weakness is recurrent inaccuracy in articles, prepositions, and collocations, alongside some broad or weakly substantiated support; prioritise more precise language and stronger evidence connecting music education to the claimed benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer directly answers the question, maintains a clear disagreement, and develops relevant benefits of music education, although some support is generalised or only loosely persuasive.
Strengthen each reason with a more credible, clearly explained example that shows why school music deserves time and funding alongside academic subjects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in well-defined paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively despite occasional mechanical transitions and repetition.
Use referencing and varied transitions to connect supporting sentences more naturally instead of repeatedly relying on “therefore” and “besides that”.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent collocational and word-form problems make expressions such as “musical class” and “facilitate and develop children” imprecise.
Build accuracy with common education collocations, including “music classes”, “develop children's talents”, and “prepare for a school performance”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex sentences and meaning remains clear, but errors with articles, prepositions, plurals, and sentence construction occur regularly.
Focus revision on article use and fixed prepositional patterns, especially in phrases such as “in detail”, “from the age of five”, and “used as preparation”.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.