Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
There have always been debatesThere have been always debates about how and where schools should use the available resources. One of these debates is the amount of money and time spent onin teaching music. Some people would argue that teaching science or computingcomputer takes higher priorityhas a higher priority but I thinkbut from my point of view, I think that teaching music is as important as teaching any other subjectsubjects. In the followingnext paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support this position.
First of all, every society requires a variety of professionssociety consists of a variety of professions. You cannot replace one profession with anotherreplace a profession with a different one and expect it to function properly. For example, while you need engineers to build devices and doctors to cure people, you also need musicians and entertainers so that people can enjoy their spare time.
SecondlySecond of all, every child is different and has their own hobbieshas his/her hobbies, talents and dreams. We cannot focus on certain subjects and ignore others as this will produce generationsbring up generations who would know a great deal of informationa lot of information in fields that they do not really care about. So, in order to have a successful and balanced society, we need people who have passion towards their work and this passion will not come unless we allocate appropriate time and effort to each school subjectgive each subject in school its amount of time and effort. This will give the children the chance to choose the field in which they can excelthe field they will really excel at.
Music is highly motivatingvery motivational and adding music classes would help children focus on complex subjects such as algebra and physicsother complex subjects like Algebra and Physics. Many students have a natural talent for music and the teachers would be able to identify them. Thus potential future musiciansthe possible future musician would be sorted out and nurtured. We do not need a generation full of mathematician and computer programmer. An ideal society needs musicians as much as it needs the technical persons. So music lessons in school level cannot be a waste of money and time.
To summarise, I believe giving the time and money for teaching music in schools as much as we give for teaching other subjects will help produce better and more successful society.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position in favour of school music and develops several relevant reasons, particularly the need for varied professions, recognition of individual talent, and a balanced society. Its main limitation is that some claims—especially music improving concentration in science—are asserted rather than demonstrated, while recurring awkward forms reduce polish; prioritise deeper evidence for the strongest educational benefit and more idiomatic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is sustained and supported by several relevant arguments and examples, although some key claims are only briefly explained and the resource trade-off receives limited analysis.
Develop one concrete example showing how music education benefits learning or talent development and address why that gain justifies the required time and money.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised with clear topic progression and effective paragraphing, though sequencing language is sometimes formulaic and repetitive.
Replace labels such as “First of all” and “Second of all” with topic-led openings and reduce repeated uses of “So.”
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied to discuss education, professions, talent, and social balance, but several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural expressions such as “raise generations,” “passion for their work,” “receive adequate time,” “identify talented students,” and “technical professionals.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of sentence forms, but agreement, article, plural, word-order, and conditional errors recur without obscuring the argument.
Edit forms such as “There have always been debates,” “other subjects,” “a generation of mathematicians,” and “at school level.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.