Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
There have been always debates about how and where schools should use the available resources. One of these debates is the amount of money and time spent in teaching music. Some people would argue that teaching science or computer has a higher priority but from my point of view, I think that teaching music is as important as teaching any other subjects. In the next paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support this position.
First of all, every society consists of a variety of professions. You cannot replace a profession with a different one and expect it to function properly. For example, while you need engineers to build devices and doctors to cure people, you also need musicians and entertainers so that people can enjoy their spare time.
Second of all, every child is different and has his/her hobbies, talents and dreams. We cannot focus on certain subjects and ignore others as this will bring up generations who would know a lot of information in fields that they do not really care about. So, in order to have a successful and balanced society, we need people who have passion towards their work and this passion will not come unless we give each subject in school its amount of time and effort. This will give the children the chance to choose the field they will really excel at.
Music is very motivational and adding music classes would help children focus on other complex subjects like Algebra and Physics. Many students have a natural talent for music and the teachers would be able to identify them. Thus the possible future musician would be sorted out and nurtured. We do not need a generation full of mathematician and computer programmer. An ideal society needs musicians as much as it needs the technical persons. So music lessons in school level cannot be a waste of money and time.
To summarise, I believe giving the time and money for teaching music in schools as much as we give for teaching other subjects will help produce better and more successful society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct adverb position Original: There have been always debates Suggested revision: There have always been debates Why it matters: Always belongs between the auxiliary have and the participle been.
- 2. Fix spending preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Money and time are spent on an activity.
- 3. Use subject name Original: computer Suggested revision: computing Why it matters: Computing names an academic subject, whereas computer names a device.
- 4. Use priority collocation Original: has a higher priority Suggested revision: takes higher priority Why it matters: Take priority is the natural collocation for ranking subjects.
- 5. Remove doubled opinion marker Original: but from my point of view, I think Suggested revision: but I think Why it matters: The two phrases perform the same function, so using both is redundant.
- 6. Fix singular comparison Original: subjects Suggested revision: subject Why it matters: Any other takes a singular countable noun in this comparison.
- 7. Use standard preview phrase Original: next Suggested revision: following Why it matters: Following is the natural adjective for sections that come next in a text.
- 8. Clarify social dependence Original: society consists of a variety of professions Suggested revision: society requires a variety of professions Why it matters: A society consists of people but requires different professions to function.
- 9. Use concise contrast Original: replace a profession with a different one Suggested revision: replace one profession with another Why it matters: One and another express the comparison naturally and concisely.
- 10. Use formal sequence marker Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Secondly Why it matters: Secondly is the standard academic transition after first of all.
- 11. Use inclusive pronoun Original: has his/her hobbies Suggested revision: has their own hobbies Why it matters: Singular they avoids the awkward slash construction and own clarifies possession.
- 12. Fix generation collocation Original: bring up generations Suggested revision: produce generations Why it matters: Policies produce a generation, while people bring up individual children.
Suggested Rewrites
- There have been always debates There have always been debates
- in on
- computer computing
- has a higher priority takes higher priority
- but from my point of view, I think but I think
- subjects subject
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position in favour of school music and develops several relevant reasons, particularly the need for varied professions, recognition of individual talent, and a balanced society. Its main limitation is that some claims—especially music improving concentration in science—are asserted rather than demonstrated, while recurring awkward forms reduce polish; prioritise deeper evidence for the strongest educational benefit and more idiomatic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is sustained and supported by several relevant arguments and examples, although some key claims are only briefly explained and the resource trade-off receives limited analysis.
Develop one concrete example showing how music education benefits learning or talent development and address why that gain justifies the required time and money.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised with clear topic progression and effective paragraphing, though sequencing language is sometimes formulaic and repetitive.
Replace labels such as “First of all” and “Second of all” with topic-led openings and reduce repeated uses of “So.”
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied to discuss education, professions, talent, and social balance, but several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural expressions such as “raise generations,” “passion for their work,” “receive adequate time,” “identify talented students,” and “technical professionals.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of sentence forms, but agreement, article, plural, word-order, and conditional errors recur without obscuring the argument.
Edit forms such as “There have always been debates,” “other subjects,” “a generation of mathematicians,” and “at school level.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.