We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages of this technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the current era, technology has completely transformed our world towards a digital landscape. The internet, in particular, has become a vital part of our daily life. While some believe that the problems associated with the control and security of information outweigh the advantages, I disagree with this view. In this essay, I will outline why I think the advantages of the internet are far greater than the drawbacks related to the control and security of information.
To begin with, the internet has revolutionized the way we communicate and access information. It has opened up a world of opportunities for people who may have otherwise been excluded from knowledge and information. Through the internet, people can access online libraries, academic journals, research papers, and so on, which were previously only available in hard copy form. This has significantly improved the quality of education and research globally. Moreover, the internet has made communication easier and more efficient than ever before, allowing people to connect with each other regardless of geographic boundaries.
In addition, the internet has transformed the way we do business. It has made it possible for small businesses to compete with larger businesses on a global scale. The internet has also created new business models and industries such as e-commerce, digital marketing, and online advertising, which have provided job opportunities for millions of people worldwide. Furthermore, the internet has made it possible for people to work remotely, which has greatly improved work-life balance and reduced commuting time and costs.
While the internet may pose some risks in terms of control and security of information, such as data breaches and cyber-attacks, these risks can be mitigated through proper security measures and regulations. Moreover, the benefits of the internet far outweigh the risks.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantages of the internet far outweigh the problems in terms of control and security of information. The internet has reshaped the way we communicate, access information, and do business, providing countless opportunities for people globally. While there are some risks associated with the internet, these can be mitigated through proper security measures and regulations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a concise opener Original: In the current era Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: Today conveys the same time reference more directly.
- 2. Correct the direction phrase Original: towards Suggested revision: into Why it matters: Transform into is the correct construction for a change from one state to another.
- 3. Match the plural reference Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: Lives agrees more naturally with the plural possessive our.
- 4. Clarify access to knowledge Original: may have otherwise been excluded from knowledge and information Suggested revision: might otherwise have lacked access to knowledge and information Why it matters: People can lack access to knowledge, whereas being excluded from knowledge is an awkward collocation.
- 5. Use a stronger verb Original: It has made it possible for small businesses Suggested revision: It has enabled small businesses Why it matters: Enabled expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 6. Reduce repeated wording Original: the internet has made it possible for people to work remotely Suggested revision: the internet has enabled people to work remotely Why it matters: Enabled avoids repeating the earlier made it possible construction.
- 7. Tighten the risk phrase Original: risks in terms of control and security of information Suggested revision: risks to information control and security Why it matters: The concise noun phrase makes the relationship between the risks and information clearer.
- 8. Use natural placement Original: globally Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide is the more natural modifier after people in this sentence.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In this essay, I will outline why I think the advantages of the internet are far greater than the drawbacks related to the control and security of information. Suggested revision: The internet's advantages are far greater than its drawbacks relating to information control and security. Why it matters: The direct thesis removes unnecessary essay signposting while preserving the stated position.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Through the internet, people can access online libraries, academic journals, research papers, and so on, which were previously only available in hard copy form. Suggested revision: Through the internet, people can access libraries, academic journals, research papers, and other resources that were previously available only in hard-copy form. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the relative clause a clear antecedent and avoids implying that online libraries existed only in print.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the current era Today
- towards into
- life lives
- may have otherwise been excluded from knowledge and information might otherwise have lacked access to knowledge and information
- It has made it possible for small businesses It has enabled small businesses
- the internet has made it possible for people to work remotely the internet has enabled people to work remotely
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position, develops several relevant benefits, and moves through its argument with strong control and largely accurate language. Its main limitation is that the security and control concerns are acknowledged only briefly and dismissed with a general reference to regulation, so the comparison is less persuasive than it could be. The highest-priority improvement is to analyse a specific risk and show concretely why mitigation makes the benefits greater.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant advantages are well developed, but the opposing security and control concerns receive only brief, general treatment.
Analyse at least one significant information-security risk and explain specifically why available safeguards make the advantages outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is clearly sequenced, paragraphs are purposeful, and cohesive devices and referencing are managed effectively throughout.
Refine the progression further by linking the risk paragraph more explicitly to the preceding benefits rather than treating it as a brief addendum.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports fluent discussion of communication, education, business, and cybersecurity.
Reduce repetition of the internet and replace a few conventional phrases with more varied, context-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Polish the few awkward constructions, particularly introductory phrasing, while preserving the strong level of structural control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages of this technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.