Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Sample Response
In today’s rapidly advancing technological world, the demand for skills related to science, engineering, and technology has never been higher. Given this shift, I believe that art and music hold a relatively minor place in education and that children should not spend excessive time on these subjects at school.
To begin with, the modern economy is largely driven by technology, and proficiency in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) fields is crucial for success in today’s world. With industries such as artificial intelligence, robotics, and biotechnology booming, children need to focus on acquiring technical skills that will be relevant in the workforce. For instance, learning coding, programming, and other technological skills can open doors to high-paying, future-oriented careers. By spending too much time on art and music, children risk missing out on the opportunity to develop these critical abilities.
Moreover, as technology continues to evolve, it is essential that students are prepared for the digital future. Subjects like mathematics, physics, and computer science equip children with the analytical and problem-solving skills needed to thrive in the modern world. With the rapid pace of technological innovation, the job market will increasingly demand individuals who can contribute to technological advancements, not just appreciate traditional art forms. Therefore, by prioritizing art and music over more relevant subjects, schools could be doing students a disservice in preparing them for the challenges of the 21st century.
In conclusion, while art and music offer valuable cultural and emotional benefits, their role in education should be limited. With the growing importance of science and technology, children should spend more time learning subjects that directly contribute to their future success and the advancement of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: advancing Suggested revision: evolving Why it matters: A technological environment more naturally "evolves" than "advances" as a whole.
- 2. Make wording concise Original: skills related to science, engineering, and technology Suggested revision: scientific, engineering, and technological skills Why it matters: Parallel adjectives express the three skill areas more compactly.
- 3. Use role collocation Original: hold a relatively minor place Suggested revision: play a relatively minor role Why it matters: "Play a role" is the natural collocation for describing importance in education.
- 4. Clarify proportion Original: spend excessive time Suggested revision: spend a disproportionate amount of time Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the concern is the share of school time allocated.
- 5. Use precise growth verb Original: booming Suggested revision: expanding Why it matters: "Expanding" is a more measured formal description of growth than "booming".
- 6. Tighten workforce phrase Original: skills that will be relevant in the workforce Suggested revision: skills relevant to the workforce Why it matters: The shorter modifier expresses the same relationship without an unnecessary relative clause.
- 7. Avoid overlapping terms Original: learning coding, programming, and other technological skills Suggested revision: learning programming and other technological skills Why it matters: "Coding" and "programming" overlap substantially, so listing both is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 8. Use formal verb Original: open doors to Suggested revision: provide access to Why it matters: The revision is more formal while preserving the idea of career opportunity.
- 9. Clarify contrast Original: not just appreciate Suggested revision: rather than merely appreciate Why it matters: The revised connector makes the contrast with contributing to advancements more explicit.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, by prioritizing art and music over more relevant subjects, schools could be doing students a disservice in preparing them for the challenges of the 21st century. Suggested revision: Therefore, schools that prioritise art and music over more relevant subjects could leave students less prepared for the challenges of the 21st century. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward phrase "a disservice in preparing" and states the consequence directly.
- 11. Reduce repeated reasoning Suggested revision: Distinguish this paragraph from the previous one by focusing its progression on preparation for the digital job market and trimming repeated claims about technical skills. Why it matters: Both body paragraphs currently follow a very similar technology-skills-careers line of reasoning.
Suggested Rewrites
- advancing evolving
- skills related to science, engineering, and technology scientific, engineering, and technological skills
- hold a relatively minor place play a relatively minor role
- spend excessive time spend a disproportionate amount of time
- booming expanding
- skills that will be relevant in the workforce skills relevant to the workforce
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear, well-organised position that art and music retain limited value but should not displace technology-focused subjects, and it communicates this view with highly controlled language. Its main limitation is that both body paragraphs repeat the economic importance of STEM while the continuing cultural or emotional place of the arts receives little development; the priority is to address that first question directly with a balanced, specific explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions receive clear answers and the case for prioritising STEM is developed, but the continuing role of art and music is only briefly acknowledged.
Explain one concrete modern function of art or music before justifying why schools should still limit the time allocated to them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress smoothly through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used naturally and effectively.
Differentiate the two body paragraphs more sharply by assigning one to the arts' modern role and the other to school-time priorities.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and precise academic vocabulary for technology, education, employment, and social value.
Introduce more specific vocabulary for the cultural, creative, and emotional functions of art and music to broaden the comparison.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used flexibly and accurately, with virtually no grammatical obstruction.
Maintain this control while varying a few repeated conditional and participial patterns for greater stylistic range.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.