Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Art education in schools is a topic of debate, with some individuals emphasising its importance while others perceive it as a futile endeavour. This essay will examine both viewpoints. It is my opinion that art is an essential subject that fosters creativity, critical thinking, and personal development.
Those who argue against art education often view it as a waste of time, asserting that it diverts valuable resources and attention from core academic subjects such as math and science. They believe that students should focus solely on acquiring knowledge and skills that are directly applicable in the professional world. Additionally, some argue that art is subjective and lacks a concrete set of criteria for evaluation, making it an unreliable field to invest time and effort.
However, proponents of art education argue that it plays a vital role in nurturing creativity and imagination in children. Through art, students develop innovative thinking, problem-solving skills, and the ability to express themselves. Artistic endeavours provide a platform for self-discovery and self-expression, allowing students to explore their emotions, thoughts, and perspectives. Moreover, art encourages collaboration, as students often work together on projects, fostering teamwork and communication skills.
Furthermore, art education has been shown to have numerous benefits beyond the realm of creativity. Research has indicated that engaging in artistic activities can enhance cognitive development, improve concentration, and boost academic performance. By incorporating art into the curriculum, students can develop a holistic understanding of the world, as art often reflects historical, cultural, and societal aspects.
In conclusion, art is an essential subject for children at school. Art promotes creativity, critical thinking, personal development, and cultural understanding. It enhances cognitive abilities, emotional expression, and overall well-being. By integrating art into the curriculum, we provide students with a well-rounded education that prepares them for a dynamic and diverse world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal subject term Original: math Suggested revision: mathematics Why it matters: Mathematics is the more formal term in an academic essay.
- 2. Use objective criteria phrase Original: a concrete set of criteria Suggested revision: objective criteria Why it matters: Objective criteria expresses the intended contrast with subjectivity more precisely.
- 3. Clarify opposing concern Original: an unreliable field to invest time and effort Suggested revision: an unsuitable subject in which to invest time and effort Why it matters: The revision preserves the opposing view while using a grammatically natural collocation.
- 4. Use direct opportunity phrase Original: provide a platform for Suggested revision: offer opportunities for Why it matters: Offer opportunities is more direct and less formulaic.
- 5. Use concise contrast Original: beyond the realm of creativity Suggested revision: beyond creativity Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same scope without unnecessary abstraction.
- 6. Use direct present tense Original: Research has indicated Suggested revision: Research indicates Why it matters: The simple present is concise and appropriate for a general research claim.
- 7. Reduce vague abstraction Original: holistic Suggested revision: broader Why it matters: Broader states the intended expansion of understanding more plainly.
- 8. Use context collocation Original: historical, cultural, and societal aspects Suggested revision: historical, cultural, and social contexts Why it matters: Contexts is the natural noun for the dimensions reflected in art.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: They believe that students should focus solely on acquiring knowledge and skills that are directly applicable in the professional world. Suggested revision: They believe that students should focus exclusively on knowledge and skills directly applicable to employment. Why it matters: The rewrite preserves the opposing claim while removing wordiness and an awkward collocation.
- 10. Consolidate overlapping benefits Suggested revision: Group the closely related creativity, innovative-thinking, and self-expression points before moving to the distinct collaboration benefit. Why it matters: A clearer internal sequence would reduce conceptual repetition and sharpen progression.
- 11. Differentiate added benefit group Suggested revision: Signal more explicitly that this paragraph moves from creative and social benefits to cognitive and academic outcomes. Why it matters: The paragraph extends the same side of the discussion, so a precise transition would clarify its new focus.
Suggested Rewrites
- math mathematics
- a concrete set of criteria objective criteria
- an unreliable field to invest time and effort an unsuitable subject in which to invest time and effort
- provide a platform for offer opportunities for
- beyond the realm of creativity beyond creativity
- Research has indicated Research indicates
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay discusses both perspectives clearly, sustains a firm opinion, and develops the educational benefits of art through a well-organised sequence and sophisticated, accurate language. Its main limitation is that several supporting claims remain broad, particularly the reference to research, and the conclusion lists benefits rather than crystallising why they outweigh the competing curriculum concerns. Prioritise one specific illustration and a sharper comparative justification.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed and the writer's position is clear and substantially developed with relevant reasons.
Support one claimed cognitive or academic benefit with a specific example and explicitly explain why it outweighs the resource objection.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through distinct viewpoints and supporting benefits, with effective paragraphing and controlled cohesion.
Link the additional benefits paragraph more explicitly to the preceding pro-art argument rather than introducing it as a separate list.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural across the discussion, with effective control of abstract educational concepts.
Replace the slightly awkward phrase an unreliable field to invest time and effort with a less subjective measure of educational value.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied, flexible, and consistently accurate, with punctuation and agreement handled at a very high level.
Maintain this control while varying a few repeated subject-led sentence openings in the conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.