Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some People are of the view that happiness is directly proportional to economic success, while others have an opinion that many different factors are also responsible for leading a happy life. Living a joyful life has a different meaning for every individual.
People who believe that the secret to a happy life is dependent directly on the monetary aspects are partially correct. Economic growth is an essential part of the kind of life one wants to live. They want to acquire materialistic goods and services, which without having good economic growth isn’t possible. For instance, a person who has an impressive net worth would always want more and more assets in their life. Another person having an attractive salary can live a life they have dreamt of. People work hard to achieve more, and in today’s time, the achievement is only measured by how many financial resources one attains. People are often judged by the Vehicle they drive, Branded clothes they wear, and this makes them recognizable in society.
On the other hand, Few others believe happiness is not merely restricted to economic growth but also to various other factors. Likewise, People who are social helpers may not earn a handsome salary and may not enjoy the perks of a good life. But for them, happiness is dependent upon the amount of help they can provide to society. They are constantly working and are driven by the causes society faces. Few others also believe in spending time with their loved ones. This makes them happy. Every person is required to work to earn money for their livelihood. How they pursue and find happiness is directly related to their desires and fulfillments. It’s correctly said never judge a book by its cover. What may look tempting may be poisonous on the other side.
To sum up, Living a balanced life where you are driven to earn more and also determined to provide someone help is a good way to live. Family plays an important part in life; in the race of achievements, we often ignore our elderly who, after retirement, is dependent on us and want some kind of attention from us. We should not ignore them for the sacrifices they have made for our demands. Making others happy brings more happiness and joy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix capitalization Original: People Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Common nouns should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.
- 2. Use direct wording Original: have an opinion Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: The direct verb is more natural and concise in this context.
- 3. Clarify the relationship Original: leading a happy life Suggested revision: contributing to a happy life Why it matters: Factors contribute to a happy life rather than lead the life themselves.
- 4. Choose natural wording Original: monetary aspects Suggested revision: financial circumstances Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended idea more naturally.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: having an attractive salary Suggested revision: earning a high salary Why it matters: People earn a salary, and high is the natural adjective here.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: dreamt Suggested revision: dreamed Why it matters: This version is more direct while preserving the intended meaning.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: in today’s time Suggested revision: today Why it matters: Today already expresses the time reference without a redundant phrase.
- 8. Remove the article Original: the achievement Suggested revision: achievement Why it matters: Achievement is used generally here, so the definite article is inappropriate.
- 9. Use accurate expression Original: how many financial resources one attains Suggested revision: how much wealth one accumulates Why it matters: Wealth is uncountable and accumulates is the natural verb for the intended meaning.
- 10. Use lowercase Original: Vehicle Suggested revision: vehicle Why it matters: A common noun within a sentence should begin with a lowercase letter.
- 11. Use lowercase Original: Branded Suggested revision: branded Why it matters: This adjective should not be capitalized within the sentence.
- 12. Avoid unintended scarcity Original: Few others believe happiness Suggested revision: Others believe happiness Why it matters: Few suggests a very small number, which is not the intended contrast between viewpoints.
Suggested Rewrites
- People people
- have an opinion believe
- leading a happy life contributing to a happy life
- monetary aspects financial circumstances
- having an attractive salary earning a high salary
- dreamt dreamed
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear four-paragraph structure, which presents economic and non-economic perspectives in a generally logical sequence. Its main limitation is that several supporting points are broad or only loosely connected to personal happiness, while frequent awkward wording weakens precision. The highest priority is to explain each example’s link to happiness more explicitly and revise sentences for accurate collocation and grammar.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a balanced opinion emerges, but some support is general or only indirectly related to happiness.
Make the position explicit in the introduction and explain precisely how each example produces personal happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph organisation is clear, although progression within the second body paragraph becomes loose and occasionally abrupt.
Order each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use transitions that show the exact relationship between points.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur frequently.
Replace awkward combinations such as personal economic growth and materialistic goods with precise, natural expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning, though agreement, article, clause, and capitalisation errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and check subject-verb agreement and unnecessary capital letters.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.