Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There are those who claim that music is solely for entertainment purposes while others feel it has larger societal implications. In my opinion, ostensibly most people listen to music for fun, however it still opens up pathways for fringe elements of society to become mainstream.
Those that argue for the narrower view of music can easily highlight the ways in which music is consumed today. People listen to music at parties, nightclubs, and weddings to dance and enjoy themselves. They listen using streaming services like YouTube, Apple Music and Spotify to relax throughout the average day. The end result of all that listening is not that individuals think deeply about the lyrics or in any way question their actions, attitudes, or prejudices. Moreso than narrative forms of entertainment like movies and books, music is almost purely for entertainment and rarely rises above the level of subconscious enjoyment.
While there is some truth to the argument above, music turns a positive spotlight on previously underrepresented demographic groups. People do not simply listen to music; they are also apt to follow and admire their favourite artists. One of the best examples of this is the championing of LGBT lifestyles. Elton John was an early example of an artist whose sexuality was fluid at a time when many viewed this behaviour as deviant. He did not come out as gay until much later but his influence on aspiring artists and the average listener was immense. Today, there are many artists who are openly gay and this not only reduces bigotry in general by undermining its logic but also inspires others to come out. A person listening to and following artists in any genre today accepts these once alternative lifestyles as the norm.
In conclusion, music has an important role to play in society by giving voice to previously silent groups. In the same way that music broke down racial barriers in the 20th century, the 21st century will be the century of inclusion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: larger Suggested revision: broader Why it matters: Broader is the more natural adjective for describing the extent of social effects.
- 2. Use who for people Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: Use who rather than that when the relative clause refers to people.
- 3. Complete the verb phrase Original: listen using streaming services Suggested revision: listen to music using streaming services Why it matters: The verb listen requires an object introduced by to in this construction.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: the Suggested revision: an Why it matters: An average day is the conventional phrase for a typical day.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: Moreso than narrative forms of entertainment Suggested revision: Compared with narrative forms of entertainment Why it matters: This replacement corrects the nonstandard form and makes the comparison explicit.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: turns Suggested revision: shines Why it matters: English conventionally uses shine rather than turn with the expression spotlight on.
- 7. Choose clearer wording Original: apt Suggested revision: likely Why it matters: Likely states the intended tendency more directly in this context.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: championing of LGBT lifestyles Suggested revision: increased visibility of LGBT people Why it matters: This wording describes the social visibility being discussed more precisely and neutrally.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In my opinion, ostensibly most people listen to music for fun, however it still opens up pathways for fringe elements of society to become mainstream. Suggested revision: In my opinion, most people listen to music for fun; however, it can also create pathways for marginalised groups to enter the mainstream. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the faulty contrast structure and states the two linked claims clearly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The end result of all that listening is not that individuals think deeply about the lyrics or in any way question their actions, attitudes, or prejudices. Suggested revision: Consequently, listeners may enjoy music without reflecting deeply on its lyrics or questioning their actions, attitudes, or prejudices. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces an unwieldy negative construction with a clear grammatical statement.
- 11. Strengthen example progression Suggested revision: State the general influence of artists first, then move from the Elton John example to present-day artists as a clear chronological progression. Why it matters: A more explicit sequence would connect the historical example to the paragraph's modern application more smoothly.
Suggested Rewrites
- larger broader
- that who
- listen using streaming services listen to music using streaming services
- the an
- Moreso than narrative forms of entertainment Compared with narrative forms of entertainment
- turns shines
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops both views through relevant, specific examples, with the discussion of music's social influence particularly well sustained. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and slightly awkward wording, which reduces precision despite consistently clear meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify broad claims about listeners and social acceptance while choosing more natural expressions for the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are clearly addressed with relevant, well-developed support.
Qualify sweeping claims about how all listeners respond to music so the argument remains fully persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear four-paragraph structure with effective referencing and transitions.
Make the relationship between the entertainment discussion and the final social-impact position slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, despite a few awkward choices such as 'ostensibly' and 'Moreso'.
Replace occasional strained or imprecise expressions with natural academic phrasing and correct 'Moreso' to 'More so'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with errors rare and meaning consistently clear.
Refine punctuation around contrasting clauses, especially sentences using 'however', to avoid loosely joined structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.