Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many believeare of the belief that happiness is a result of financial success, while others feel there are other important factorsmore crucial factors. In my opinion, a certain degree of financial stability is a basic requirement for happiness but is less important overall than one’s family and health.
Those who claim that happiness correlates highly with earnings argue that it affords individuals a higher standard of living. A person with a considerable salary is able to buy a nice house, provide for their family, and purchase luxuries ranging from good food and frequent holidays to expensive vehicles and fashionable clothing. Each item taken on its own only contributes a small degree of pleasure; however, suchpleasure, however, such purchases add up to a generally comfortable and enjoyablecontent, comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. If a person is inclined to equate pleasure with happiness, then there is a legitimate argument to be made that pursuing happiness means pursuing moneyfor the pursuit of happiness being the pursuit of money.
However, the majority of individuals, wealthy and otherwise, would state that happiness is primarilymore a consequence of quality time with family and good health. A comfortable home filled with luxuries is enjoyable but the most enduringsustained happiness comes from relationships. Someone who has lost touch with their family and has frayed interpersonal bonds with their relatives iswith their relatives, is not likely to be able to fill such a void with physical possessions. DeleteAnecdotally, towards the end of life most people recognize that their happiest moments were spent in the presence of loved ones. Additionally, good health is a more powerful pre-condition for happiness since no amount of wealth can buy relief from chronic suffering.
In conclusion, happiness depends more on one’s relationship with their family and physical health than on financial successrather than financial success. There are, naturally, exceptions as happiness is subjective and can be defined differently.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops both perspectives with relevant, logically connected reasoning, while its vocabulary and sentence control are consistently strong. The main limitation is that several supporting claims remain general or anecdotal rather than sharply substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to make one example in each body paragraph more specific and analytically precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's qualified opinion are addressed directly and developed with relevant reasoning.
Strengthen the argument further by supporting the broad claims about lifestyles and end-of-life attitudes with more specific illustrations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the comparison naturally.
Refine a few long sentence transitions so contrasts such as the shift after pleasure are punctuated and linked more cleanly.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, including effective phrases about financial stability, relationships, and chronic suffering.
Improve precision in occasional combinations such as saying happiness is a consequence of quality time rather than more a consequence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor punctuation and agreement lapses.
Remove unnecessary commas between subjects and verbs and punctuate independent clauses more consistently.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.