Wild animals have no use in the 21 st century and trying to preserve animals now is just a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The natural habitats of wild animals and their way of life have been greatly affected by human activities, and in my opinion, we should try to take and initiate every possible step to save these wild animals. So, I disagree that animals in the wild serve us no purpose in modern times and trying to save them is a waste of money and resources. This essay explains why.
The 21st century does not mean that we have to alter the way of nature and destroy the planet. The lives of these wild animals have been endangered because of humans and some species are on the verge of extinction. If necessary steps are not taken immediately, many of these species will be lost forever. Humans need those animals to preserve nature and save the planet.
To keep the balance of the ecosystem, each species of the animal kingdom plays important roles and the existence of one species largely depends on another. To say that wild animal have no use for us is just a selfish statement and obviously, we should try to keep the natural balance for our own benefit. For example, many wild animals kill lots of rats and save the farmers' crops from being eaten or destroyed by those rats. So if we kill those animals, we will have to suffer.
In conclusion, we must try to preserve all the endangered and natural animals and as humans, we should feel responsible to ourselves not to let any species be lost forever. Those wild animals maintain biodiversity and help us live in a perfectly balanced world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant verbs Original: take and initiate every possible step Suggested revision: take every possible step Why it matters: 'Take' and 'initiate' duplicate the same meaning in this expression.
- 2. Make phrasing concise Original: animals in the wild serve us no purpose Suggested revision: wild animals serve no purpose Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary wording while preserving the claim being rejected.
- 3. Keep clauses parallel Original: modern times and trying Suggested revision: modern times and that trying Why it matters: A second 'that' is needed to coordinate the two propositions governed by 'disagree'.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: alter the way of nature Suggested revision: interfere with nature Why it matters: 'Alter the way of nature' is not a natural English expression for the intended idea.
- 5. Correct the subject Original: The lives of these wild animals Suggested revision: These wild animals Why it matters: Animals themselves become endangered, rather than their lives becoming endangered.
- 6. Use precise cause Original: because of humans Suggested revision: by human activity Why it matters: The revision names the causal agent more precisely and formally.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: those Suggested revision: wild Why it matters: Repeating the specific noun avoids an imprecise demonstrative reference.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: preserve Suggested revision: protect Why it matters: 'Protect nature' is the more natural collocation for preventing environmental harm.
- 9. Simplify the noun phrase Original: each species of the animal kingdom Suggested revision: each animal species Why it matters: The revision is more concise and avoids an unnecessarily elaborate phrase.
- 10. Match singular meaning Original: plays important roles Suggested revision: plays an important role Why it matters: The singular subject 'each species' is most naturally paired with one collective role here.
- 11. Fix noun number Original: animal Suggested revision: animals Why it matters: The plural verb 'have' requires the plural noun 'animals'.
- 12. Use academic wording Original: is just a selfish statement Suggested revision: is a self-centred claim Why it matters: The revision is more precise and less conversational in academic prose.
Suggested Rewrites
- take and initiate every possible step take every possible step
- animals in the wild serve us no purpose wild animals serve no purpose
- modern times and trying modern times and that trying
- alter the way of nature interfere with nature
- The lives of these wild animals These wild animals
- because of humans by human activity
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and uses ecosystem balance plus a relevant crop-protection example to support its position. Its main limitation is that the first body paragraph remains general and partly repeats the need for preservation rather than explaining resource value in depth, while several awkward phrases weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a distinct, specific reason in each paragraph and refine collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and supported by relevant ecological reasoning, though one body paragraph is general and only partly developed.
Give each body paragraph a distinct reason and explain precisely how it proves that preservation justifies its resources.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion sequence, and ideas progress logically with generally effective linking.
Strengthen progression by making the first body paragraph develop a separate point rather than repeating the overall position.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary to discuss habitats, extinction, ecosystems, and biodiversity, but several collocations and word choices are awkward.
Use more natural phrases for conservation responsibility and ecological relationships, and check singular-plural word forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures with mostly clear meaning, although agreement, article, and noun-form errors appear several times.
Check agreement within long sentences and revise plural forms and articles before finalizing the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Wild animals have no use in the 21 st century and trying to preserve animals now is just a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.