Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The ethical implications surrounding the existence of zoos continue to spark contentious debates and some opine that they are inhuman and should not exist. I am in staunch agreement that zoos, due to their inherent inhumanity, should be abolished for compelling reasons that challenge their ethical standing.
Primarily, zoos are often criticized for confining animals within unnatural and restricted enclosures, depriving them of their natural habitats and essential freedoms. For instance, large mammals such as elephants or big cats, naturally accustomed to vast territories, are confined to limited spaces within zoos, leading to stress, behavioural abnormalities, and compromised physical health. The notorious incident of a confined orca, Tilikum, in SeaWorld suffering physical and psychological distress, as depicted in the documentary "Blackfish," epitomizes the detrimental consequences of captivity on animal welfare.
Furthermore, zoos perpetuate the notion of animals as mere spectacles for human entertainment, commodifying living creatures for profit. Animals' instinctual behaviours are often restricted or manipulated to accommodate visitor schedules or enhance the spectacle, disrupting their natural behavioural patterns. This highlights the ethical dilemma of using sentient beings solely for human amusement, undermining their intrinsic value and dignity. For instance, in some zoos, nocturnal animals like owls, typically active at night, are unnaturally exposed to bright lights during the day to cater to visitor viewing times, disturbing their natural sleep cycles and causing stress.
In conclusion, the ethical arguments against zoos' existence are compelling and persuasive. The detrimental impact of confining animals to limited spaces, depriving them of natural habitats, and exploiting them for human entertainment collectively constitute a strong case for the abolition of zoos. I believe that zoos have no moral ground to exist in the modern world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant intensity Original: contentious debates Suggested revision: debate Why it matters: Debate already implies disagreement, so contentious and the plural form add unnecessary weight here.
- 2. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is a more natural academic reporting verb in this construction.
- 3. Use cruelty adjective Original: inhuman Suggested revision: inhumane Why it matters: Inhumane describes cruelty, whereas inhuman primarily means lacking human qualities.
- 4. Use direct agreement verb Original: in staunch agreement Suggested revision: strongly agree Why it matters: Strongly agree is the natural verb construction for stating a firm position.
- 5. Use natural behaviour phrase Original: instinctual Suggested revision: natural Why it matters: Natural behaviours is the more conventional expression for species-typical actions.
- 6. Use plural possessive Original: accommodate visitor schedules Suggested revision: accommodate visitors' schedules Why it matters: The schedules belong collectively to multiple visitors, requiring a plural possessive.
- 7. Clarify plural possession Original: cater to visitor viewing times Suggested revision: accommodate visitors' viewing times Why it matters: The plural possessive shows that the viewing times belong to visitors, and accommodate is more precise here.
- 8. Remove overlapping adjective Original: compelling and persuasive Suggested revision: compelling Why it matters: Compelling already means persuasively convincing, making persuasive redundant.
- 9. Match singular subject Original: constitute Suggested revision: constitutes Why it matters: The verb must agree with the singular head noun impact.
- 10. Use grounds collocation Original: no moral ground to exist Suggested revision: no moral grounds for existing Why it matters: Grounds for is the standard collocation when stating a basis or justification.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The notorious incident of a confined orca, Tilikum, in SeaWorld suffering physical and psychological distress, as depicted in the documentary "Blackfish," epitomizes the detrimental consequences of captivity on animal welfare. Suggested revision: As depicted in the documentary "Blackfish," the physical and psychological distress suffered by Tilikum, a confined orca at SeaWorld, epitomizes the detrimental consequences of captivity on animal welfare. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the sentence a clear subject and correctly places the appositive and documentary reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- contentious debates debate
- opine argue
- inhuman inhumane
- in staunch agreement strongly agree
- instinctual natural
- accommodate visitor schedules accommodate visitors' schedules
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response takes a clear, unwavering position and develops two persuasive ethical arguments with specific, relevant examples of harm caused by captivity. Its main limitation is minor overstatement and occasional repetition of the same ethical language; the priority is to introduce slightly more nuance and vary repeated expressions while preserving the essay’s strong precision, control, and logical progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and fully developed through two relevant ethical arguments supported by detailed examples.
Add brief nuance about whether any conservation-focused institutions could avoid these criticisms while still defending the central position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing, progression, and referencing are well managed, creating a coherent argument that is easy to follow.
Vary the transition into the second body paragraph and trim repeated references to natural behaviour and ethical harm.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys complex ethical ideas effectively, with only minor repetition and occasional overstatement.
Vary recurring terms such as ethical and natural, and replace absolute wording with equally precise but more measured language where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare awkward constructions.
Simplify the sentence introducing the Tilikum example so its main clause is immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.