The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce these problems, should we discourage people to use cars?
Sample Response
In today's world, the ever-increasing use of personal cars has led to numerous environmental and societal problems. The severe repercussions of this trend call for immediate and stringent action to be taken to alleviate its negative impacts. Therefore, I believe that we should discourage people from using cars and explore alternative means of transportation.
The problems caused by excessive personal car usage are multifaceted and severe. Firstly, the high levels of carbon emissions from cars are the primary contributor to air pollution, causing numerous respiratory diseases and exacerbating global warming. Secondly, traffic congestion caused by personal cars leads to immense frustration and stress for drivers, thereby lowering their productivity and well-being. Finally, cars require a considerable amount of space for parking and driving, resulting in the loss of valuable land that could have been put to better use.
To mitigate these problems, governments should take a proactive role in discouraging people from using cars. This can be achieved by imposing high taxes on personal cars, increasing fuel prices, and investing in public transportation systems such as buses, trains, and subways. Additionally, governments should incentivise the use of green vehicles such as electric cars and hybrid cars, which have far less environmental impacts.
In conclusion, the problems caused by personal car usage are too severe to be ignored. Therefore, it is imperative that governments take decisive action to discourage people from using cars and transition to more sustainable modes of transportation. Failure to do so will result in irreversible environmental and societal consequences that will affect future generations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: call for immediate and stringent action to be taken Suggested revision: call for immediate and stringent action Why it matters: Action already conveys that measures should be taken.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: alleviate Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: Reduce collocates more naturally with impacts in this context.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: excessive personal car usage Suggested revision: excessive use of personal cars Why it matters: Use of personal cars is more idiomatic than personal car usage.
- 4. Fix complement agreement Original: high levels of carbon emissions from cars are the primary contributor Suggested revision: high levels of carbon emissions from cars are a primary cause Why it matters: The plural subject does not agree naturally with the singular complement the primary contributor.
- 5. Qualify the relationship Original: causing numerous respiratory diseases Suggested revision: contributing to numerous respiratory diseases Why it matters: Contributing to expresses the relationship more precisely than the absolute causing.
- 6. Moderate the wording Original: immense Suggested revision: considerable Why it matters: Considerable maintains emphasis without the excessive force of immense.
- 7. Avoid absolute causation Original: thereby lowering their productivity and well-being Suggested revision: potentially reducing their productivity and well-being Why it matters: Potentially reducing presents the proposed consequence with appropriate precision.
- 8. Use present reference Original: could have been put to better use Suggested revision: could be put to better use Why it matters: The paragraph describes a continuing general situation, so the present form is appropriate.
- 9. Use precise term Original: green vehicles Suggested revision: low-emission vehicles Why it matters: Low-emission identifies the specific environmental characteristic intended here.
- 10. Fix comparative form Original: far less environmental impacts Suggested revision: a far smaller environmental impact Why it matters: Impact needs a singular article with this comparison, and smaller correctly modifies the noun.
- 11. Clarify the actor Original: and transition to more sustainable modes Suggested revision: and encourage a transition to more sustainable modes Why it matters: The revision keeps governments as the grammatical subject without implying that governments themselves change transport mode.
Suggested Rewrites
- call for immediate and stringent action to be taken call for immediate and stringent action
- alleviate reduce
- excessive personal car usage excessive use of personal cars
- high levels of carbon emissions from cars are the primary contributor high levels of carbon emissions from cars are a primary cause
- causing numerous respiratory diseases contributing to numerous respiratory diseases
- immense considerable
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, organises the discussion efficiently, and supports its position with a strong range of environmental and social consequences alongside practical policy measures. The main limitation is that some claims are asserted broadly and the recommendation of greener cars sits slightly awkwardly beside the call to discourage car use. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish reducing conventional-car dependence from eliminating all private vehicles and justify that nuanced policy clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through several relevant problems, a clear position, and appropriately developed government responses.
Clarify how incentives for greener vehicles fit the wider aim of reducing car dependence, and support one policy with a more specific explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly from the position to problems, solutions, and conclusion, with effective paragraph focus and cohesive control.
Strengthen the conceptual link between discouraging car use and promoting cleaner cars so the policy paragraph forms an entirely unified argument.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad and precise academic vocabulary, including effective language for environmental harm, congestion, policy, and sustainability.
Refine the few less natural combinations, such as references to environmental impacts, while maintaining the existing lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are handled with a high degree of accuracy, and the rare minor error does not impede communication.
Polish agreement and countability in isolated phrases to make grammatical control consistently precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The use of personal cars has increased more than ever before but this use of cars causes many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce these problems, should we discourage people to use cars?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.