Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.
Sample Response
The automobile has undeniably revolutionized transportation, offering unprecedented freedom and convenience. However, its widespread adoption has also sparked debate concerning its overall negative impact. While some argue that the car's drawbacks far outweigh its advantages, I hold the opposing view that I will explain in this essay by outlining the merits and demerits of owning a car.
A key advantage of car ownership is the undeniable freedom it provides. Unlike public transport, which operates on fixed schedules and routes, cars offer complete control over travel plans. This allows individuals to readily access remote locations, spontaneous outings, and errands outside the confines of public transport schedules. Additionally, cars provide a sense of privacy and security, especially for families and individuals travelling with valuables. For instance, a young woman travelling alone late at night may feel significantly safer driving her own car than relying on public transportation, especially if she is carrying valuables like her laptop or jewellery.
However, the car's environmental impact cannot be ignored. Extensive car usage contributes significantly to air and noise pollution, leading to respiratory problems and other health issues. Moreover, car ownership can be financially burdensome. The initial purchase price of a car is significant, and ongoing expenses like fuel, maintenance, and insurance can strain household budgets. Additionally, parking fees and tolls can add further costs to car usage, particularly in urban areas.
In conclusion, car ownership, on the one hand, offers undeniable advantages in terms of individual freedom and economic development. On the other hand, its environmental and financial drawbacks are substantial and cannot be ignored. Personally, I believe that owning a car offers far more benefits than the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix relative clause Original: opposing view that I will explain Suggested revision: opposing view, which I will explain Why it matters: A non-defining relative clause is needed to add this comment about the view.
- 2. Avoid repeated wording Original: especially if she is carrying valuables like her laptop or jewellery Suggested revision: particularly when carrying a laptop or jewellery Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated reference to valuables while preserving the example.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: Extensive car usage Suggested revision: Heavy car use Why it matters: Heavy car use is a more concise and natural expression.
- 4. Choose precise adjective Original: significant Suggested revision: high Why it matters: High precisely describes the amount of a price.
- 5. Use formal example marker Original: ongoing expenses like fuel Suggested revision: ongoing expenses such as fuel Why it matters: Such as is more appropriate for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 6. Clarify ownership costs Original: add further costs to car usage Suggested revision: increase the cost of car ownership Why it matters: The replacement states the financial effect more naturally and precisely.
- 7. Place contrast marker clearly Original: car ownership, on the one hand, offers Suggested revision: on the one hand, car ownership offers Why it matters: Placing the connector first makes the two-sided contrast easier to follow.
- 8. Match the body argument Original: economic development Suggested revision: privacy and security Why it matters: The body develops privacy and security, whereas economic development is not explained there.
- 9. Keep comparison parallel Original: far more benefits than the drawbacks Suggested revision: far more benefits than drawbacks Why it matters: Removing the article creates a parallel comparison between plural count nouns.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This allows individuals to readily access remote locations, spontaneous outings, and errands outside the confines of public transport schedules. Suggested revision: This allows individuals to reach remote locations, take spontaneous trips, and run errands without being restricted by public transport schedules. Why it matters: The rewrite gives each item a suitable verb and restores parallel structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- opposing view that I will explain opposing view, which I will explain
- especially if she is carrying valuables like her laptop or jewellery particularly when carrying a laptop or jewellery
- Extensive car usage Heavy car use
- significant high
- ongoing expenses like fuel ongoing expenses such as fuel
- add further costs to car usage increase the cost of car ownership
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay directly answers the question with a consistent position and develops both sides through well-chosen explanations of freedom, safety, pollution, and ownership costs. Its structure and language are controlled and persuasive; the main limitation is the unsupported reference to economic development in the conclusion. The highest priority is to keep the final synthesis strictly aligned with the benefits actually developed and briefly explain why they outweigh the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully discusses advantages and disadvantages and sustains a clear view with relevant, well-developed support.
Justify the final weighing more explicitly and avoid introducing economic development when it has not been discussed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing, logical progression, and well-managed cohesive links make the argument easy to follow throughout.
Reduce minor repetition of evaluative words such as undeniable and substantial to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced advantages, risks, and financial implications with strong control.
Vary repeated references to car ownership and use a more precise phrase than overall negative impact in the introduction.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only rare minor awkwardness that does not affect communication.
Refine the introductory relative construction so the opposing view and the essay's purpose are expressed more directly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.