Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Sample Response
We all know that work is the food of life. There is no doubt that the experienced staff is far better qualified to a promotion than the fresh employee. It is taken for granted that the long-service employee has several potentials which help him to get a promotion contrary to the new employee. Thus many companies reward the employees who have been with them for a long. In my opinion, this is indeed a good idea for the motivation of the employee and for the improvement of the company.
One of the reasons why the only experienced employee should get a promotion is that s/he knows many things about his/her job. For example, he can tackle any issue related to the scope of his work and can implement good solutions to such problems. Undoubtedly, such employee deserves the promotion due to his broad knowledge and experience. Another important issue is the employee loyalty towards the company and that should be rewarded.
Another reason is that the experienced employee can communicate elegantly with people from different backgrounds. To illustrate, he is able to deal with everyone perfectly and this, without a doubt, is because of his long experience in his work. Consequently, he is the only one who can get the promotion.
In conclusion, it cannot be denied that the experienced employee is the only one who deserves the promotion. As stated above, the experienced employee not only knows the tactics of his work but also can perfectly deal with people. Hence, he must be promoted.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the opening Original: work is the food of life Suggested revision: work is essential to life Why it matters: The original metaphor is unclear and distracts from the topic.
- 2. Use a singular noun Original: that the experienced staff is Suggested revision: that an experienced staff member is Why it matters: 'Staff' is a collective noun, while the comparison concerns one employee.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: qualified to a promotion Suggested revision: qualified for promotion Why it matters: The adjective 'qualified' takes 'for' when referring to promotion.
- 4. Use natural wording Original: fresh Suggested revision: new Why it matters: 'New employee' is the standard expression for someone recently hired.
- 5. Correct the adjective Original: service Suggested revision: serving Why it matters: 'Long-serving' is the natural adjective for an employee with lengthy service.
- 6. Use a countable noun Original: potentials Suggested revision: strengths Why it matters: 'Potential' is normally uncountable when referring to ability, so 'strengths' fits this structure.
- 7. Fix the comparison Original: get a promotion contrary to the new employee Suggested revision: be promoted rather than a new employee Why it matters: 'Rather than' expresses the intended comparison between the two employees.
- 8. Punctuate the transition Original: Thus many companies Suggested revision: Thus, many companies Why it matters: The sentence connector 'Thus' should be followed by a comma.
- 9. Remove the article Original: reward the employees Suggested revision: reward employees Why it matters: The plural noun refers to employees generally and does not require 'the'.
- 10. Complete the time phrase Original: for a long Suggested revision: for a long time Why it matters: The duration expression requires the noun 'time'.
- 11. Use a direct purpose Original: for the motivation of the employee Suggested revision: to motivate employees Why it matters: The infinitive expresses the purpose more naturally and avoids an awkward noun phrase.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: for the improvement of the company Suggested revision: to improve the company Why it matters: The infinitive keeps the purpose structure concise and parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- work is the food of life work is essential to life
- that the experienced staff is that an experienced staff member is
- qualified to a promotion qualified for promotion
- fresh new
- service serving
- potentials strengths
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay takes a clear position and gives relevant reasons why long-serving employees may deserve promotion, including expertise, loyalty, problem-solving, and communication skills. Its main limitation is that the same claim is repeatedly asserted without considering whether newer employees might outperform experienced colleagues or whether service length alone is sufficient. Prioritise a balanced evaluation of experience against measurable competence, results, and leadership potential, supported by specific workplace examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported with several relevant qualities of experienced staff, but development is repetitive and the word only is not critically examined.
Consider a highly capable newer employee and explain why performance and leadership should or should not outweigh length of service.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through knowledge, loyalty, and communication in clear paragraphs, though the argument circles repeatedly around the same conclusion.
Give each paragraph a distinct evaluative purpose and reserve the final judgement for the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for promotion and workplace experience, but recurring awkward collocations and repetition limit precision and flexibility.
Use eligible for promotion, long-serving employee, strengths, institutional knowledge, solve problems, and communicate effectively.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, pronoun, and complement errors recur.
Correct patterns such as staff are, qualified for promotion, such an employee, loyalty to the company, and promoted because of performance.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.