The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is said that support funds that are given to third world countries will not solve the poverty issue and therefore developed countries should think of other kinds of help, which are more effective. To a certain point, I would agree that there should be an alternative kind of help for the poor countries, but financial support would also be needed for a short time period. Many experts believe that financial supports that are given to poor countries are not effective and efficient; therefore there should be other kinds of help which could be considered. Firstly, it is a fact that illiteracy has become one of the major issues in poor countries, and developed countries could send some of their teachers to improve the education system there. It is hoped should the literacy rate increase, the number of unemployment will gradually reduce. Secondly, people of the poor countries are suffering due to the low quality of the health system there. Building more qualified hospitals and improving the quality of the medical staffs would be an effective way to help them. And lastly, many third world countries have a bad infrastructure and public transportation facilities. By building more roads and improving the public transports there, it is hoped that people of these poor countries would be more productive as they will have easier access to their workplaces. It can be seen that all of the alternative ideas are long term projects, and people would only see the improvement after ten or fifteen years minimum. For a short period of time, financial aid is still needed by the third world countries; as governments could not provide decent health and education system, and many people are starving and sick. However, since corruption is also a serious problem in poor countries, strict monitoring over the financial support should be a priority, to ensure that the fund is appropriately utilised. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that financial aids given by advanced countries to poor nations would not be the best solution in solving the poverty issue. However, since resolving poverty problem would be a long term project, financial help should also be given for a short period of time, but it should be strictly controlled.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use extent phrase Original: point Suggested revision: extent Why it matters: To a certain extent is the standard expression for partial agreement.
- 2. Use plural alternatives Original: an alternative kind of help Suggested revision: alternative forms of help Why it matters: The plural phrase better matches the several forms discussed later.
- 3. Remove redundant time Original: a short time period Suggested revision: a short period Why it matters: Period already denotes time, so time is redundant.
- 4. Use uncountable support Original: supports Suggested revision: support Why it matters: Support is uncountable when referring generally to financial assistance.
- 5. State recommendation directly Original: other kinds of help which could be considered Suggested revision: other forms of help that should be considered Why it matters: Should states the proposed alternative more directly than could.
- 6. Use location preposition Original: people of the poor countries Suggested revision: people in poor countries Why it matters: People living in countries take the preposition in.
- 7. Use healthcare collocation Original: low quality of the health system Suggested revision: poor quality of the healthcare system Why it matters: Healthcare system is the natural term, and poor collocates with quality.
- 8. Describe equipped hospitals Original: more qualified hospitals Suggested revision: better-equipped hospitals Why it matters: Hospitals are equipped rather than qualified.
- 9. Use collective staff Original: staffs Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: Staff is a collective noun and is not pluralised here.
- 10. Use formal sequence linker Original: And lastly Suggested revision: Lastly Why it matters: Lastly continues the numbered sequence without the unnecessary initial And.
- 11. Use uncountable infrastructure Original: a bad infrastructure Suggested revision: poor infrastructure Why it matters: Infrastructure is uncountable in this general sense.
- 12. Use uncountable transport Original: transports Suggested revision: transport Why it matters: Public transport is uncountable when referring to the system.
Suggested Rewrites
- point extent
- an alternative kind of help alternative forms of help
- a short time period a short period
- supports support
- other kinds of help which could be considered other forms of help that should be considered
- people of the poor countries people in poor countries
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops several relevant forms of long-term assistance while explaining why tightly controlled financial aid remains necessary in the short term. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in grammar and word choice, compounded by an almost entirely unbroken paragraph structure. Prioritise clearer paragraphing and edit plural, article, and collocation errors so the strong argument reads more fluently and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The qualified position is clear throughout, and both alternative assistance and the continuing short-term role of financial aid are well developed.
Add a more concrete example of how one proposed intervention would reduce poverty to make the support even more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through alternative measures and short-term aid, but the lack of clear paragraph divisions weakens the overall organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main stage of the argument, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although recurring inaccurate collocations and plural forms reduce precision.
Revise combinations such as financial support, medical staff, public transport, and unemployment figures for more natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but errors with articles, plurals, agreement, and clause construction recur.
Proofread complex sentences for noun form and clause accuracy, especially constructions beginning with it is hoped and sentences joined by semicolons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.