Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? Give your views in not less than 250 words.
Sample Response
It is true that a recent trend of replacing the experienced old workers with young talents has cropped up in every industry. In my opinion, not all the old workers should be replaced by young individuals.
Experienced employees of every industry should be considered as valuable assets. This is because their experience in the company would be definitely proportional to their loyalty and gratitude towards the employers which is an added advantage. Such Emotionally bonded employees would work sincerely for the development of the company. This is not all; their total experience could never be replaced by anything which implies that they would have sound practical knowledge. Therefore it is always better for the businesses to retain their older employees in spite of recruiting freshers.
On the other hand, fresh graduates are the need of the hour to make the industry sustain in the prevailing high competition. The world has become revolutionised with the advancements in technology and thus a people with cutting edge technical skills are needed in every industry for its economic growth.
Contrarily, it is not a wise decision to fire the old and experienced employees considering age as the only factor. Their experience should be valued, although they might not be aware of updated technologies. There would be problems wherein freshers could find difficulty. In this case, they certainly need guidance. Why can’t every industry use their senior employees as a mentor to train fresh trainees?
It should also be taken into consideration that an industry should be ruthless at times, in my opinion, to make its progress consistent. So if work like marketing and sales involves an old aged employee who is really getting weak, then the wisest decision would be to replace him or her with a young and energetic person. It is not that the older one should be fired but can be used as a resource person for the industry.
To conclude, both old and young employees are the prerequisites for a healthy work- environment. There should be a mutual sharing of knowledge and skills for the upliftment of the industry. But, few people whose age is an issue for their work could be replaced with young individuals and not all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use respectful age wording Original: the experienced old workers Suggested revision: experienced older workers Why it matters: Older is the appropriate comparative adjective for workers in this context.
- 2. Name the workers directly Original: young talents Suggested revision: younger workers Why it matters: Talent is normally uncountable when describing ability, while workers identifies the people.
- 3. Use formal trend wording Original: cropped up in every industry Suggested revision: emerged across industries Why it matters: The revision is more formal and avoids the overly absolute every industry.
- 4. Use natural age wording Original: not all the old workers Suggested revision: not all older workers Why it matters: Older workers is the natural respectful phrase, and the article is unnecessary.
- 5. Correct the industry preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Employees work in an industry rather than belonging to it with of.
- 6. Remove the unnecessary as Original: considered as valuable assets Suggested revision: considered valuable assets Why it matters: Consider meaning regard does not take as in this structure.
- 7. Lowercase the adverb Original: Emotionally Suggested revision: emotionally Why it matters: Emotionally is not a proper noun and should not be capitalised.
- 8. Use the work collocation Original: sincerely Suggested revision: diligently Why it matters: Diligently is the natural adverb for sustained conscientious work.
- 9. Use business outcome wording Original: development Suggested revision: success Why it matters: Success more naturally describes the outcome employees work towards.
- 10. Use an additive connector Original: This is not all Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: Moreover links the additional experience point more formally and directly.
- 11. Use accumulated experience Original: total Suggested revision: accumulated Why it matters: Accumulated precisely describes experience built over time.
- 12. Correct the alternative relationship Original: in spite of recruiting freshers Suggested revision: rather than replacing them with recent graduates Why it matters: Rather than expresses the intended alternative, and recent graduates is more formal than freshers.
Suggested Rewrites
- the experienced old workers experienced older workers
- young talents younger workers
- cropped up in every industry emerged across industries
- not all the old workers not all older workers
- of in
- considered as valuable assets considered valuable assets
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a clear, nuanced view that values experienced staff while recognizing situations in which younger workers may be preferable, and its mentoring proposal gives the discussion practical direction. The main weakness is uneven language control, with frequent awkward collocations and grammatical inaccuracies. The highest-priority improvement is to express the well-chosen ideas in more natural, concise sentences and support questionable generalizations with firmer reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a consistent qualified position and relevant consideration of experience, technology, mentoring, and physical demands.
Strengthen the discussion by replacing unsupported assumptions, such as experience automatically producing loyalty, with clearer evidence or explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organized into a logical progression and the conclusion matches the position, though some paragraph transitions feel formulaic or slightly repetitive.
Combine closely related points and use transitions that show the precise relationship between them rather than repeatedly switching sides.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of employment-related vocabulary, but recurrent awkward choices such as ‘make the industry sustain’ and ‘old aged employee’ weaken precision.
Prioritize natural academic collocations, for example ‘remain competitive’, ‘older employee’, and ‘professional development’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts varied complex structures, but errors with articles, agreement, sentence construction, capitalization, and punctuation occur regularly without obscuring meaning.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject-verb structure and check articles, plural forms, and punctuation systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? Give your views in not less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.