Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
Use of tobacco products has become popular after the industrial revolution. Cigarettes are so cheaply available that people do not bother to think about it before lighting one in every minute. Society is engaged in very long debate, whether smoking should be banned completely in public places or not. Some argue that it would encroachment to one's freedom, while others support this idea. I think smokers should be allowed to smoke only in designated areas away from the public. According to world health organisation, smoking is biggest cause of oral and lung cancer. Even second-hand smokers, people who inhale smoke releases by smokers, are equally prone to the disease. Therefore, looking at this risk, smokers and non-smokers should be segregated. In countries like the United States of America, designated smoking areas are built and smoking in public places is banned and fines are imposed if anyone is found using cigarettes in public place. While it may be easy to argue that banning smoking is intruding to one's freedom. But forcing one's smoke to other non-smokers is even a bigger crime. Advocates, who fight for the ban of smoking, ask that why should an innocent bystander suffer from the smoke released by smokers? Therefore, it can easily be concluded that banning smoking is public place is not attached to freedom; it is rather imposing the right of freedom. With above points, in conclusion, it can be concluded that with alternative options for smoking location made available, smoking can be banned at all public location without creating any controversy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct expression Original: popular after the industrial revolution Suggested revision: popular since the Industrial Revolution Why it matters: Since marks the starting point of a continuing trend, and the historical period is capitalised.
- 2. Correct expression Original: engaged in very long debate, whether Suggested revision: engaged in a longstanding debate over whether Why it matters: The countable noun needs an article, and debate takes over before whether.
- 3. Correct expression Original: it would encroachment to one's freedom Suggested revision: it would encroach on one's freedom Why it matters: The modal requires a base-form verb, and encroach takes on.
- 4. Correct expression Original: According to world health organisation Suggested revision: According to the World Health Organization Why it matters: The named organisation requires the article and standard capitalisation.
- 5. Correct expression Original: smoking is biggest cause Suggested revision: smoking is a major cause Why it matters: The singular countable complement needs an article, and major avoids an unsupported superlative.
- 6. Correct expression Original: second-hand smokers Suggested revision: people exposed to second-hand smoke Why it matters: The original term incorrectly labels non-smokers as smokers.
- 7. Correct expression Original: releases Suggested revision: released Why it matters: The past participle is required in the reduced passive clause.
- 8. Correct expression Original: prone to the disease Suggested revision: prone to these diseases Why it matters: The sentence refers to both oral and lung cancer, so the reference should be plural.
- 9. Correct expression Original: should be segregated Suggested revision: should be kept separate Why it matters: Kept separate states the practical policy without the inappropriate social connotations of segregated.
- 10. Correct expression Original: Advocates, who Suggested revision: Advocates who Why it matters: The defining relative clause identifies which advocates and takes no comma.
- 11. Correct expression Original: fight for the ban of smoking Suggested revision: campaign for a smoking ban Why it matters: Campaign for and smoking ban are the natural collocations.
- 12. Correct expression Original: suffer from the smoke Suggested revision: be exposed to the smoke Why it matters: Exposure, rather than suffering from smoke itself, expresses the physical situation accurately.
Suggested Rewrites
- popular after the industrial revolution popular since the Industrial Revolution
- engaged in very long debate, whether engaged in a longstanding debate over whether
- it would encroachment to one's freedom it would encroach on one's freedom
- According to world health organisation According to the World Health Organization
- smoking is biggest cause smoking is a major cause
- second-hand smokers people exposed to second-hand smoke
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear, practical position: public smoking should be banned while designated areas preserve an option for smokers, and the health argument is supported with a relevant real-world example. Its main weaknesses are the single-block organisation and frequent awkward or faulty sentences; the priority is to separate the reasoning into focused paragraphs and express the freedom-versus-harm comparison more accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported through health risks, passive smoking, designated areas, and a response to the freedom objection.
Develop the freedom issue more carefully by explaining why preventing harm justifies limits while designated areas protect smokers' choices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical general sequence, but the lack of paragraphing and some repetitive conclusion signals weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the position, health evidence, the freedom counterargument, and the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of relevant vocabulary, although frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward phrases with natural forms such as infringe on freedom, expose non-smokers to smoke, and public places.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but errors in articles, verb forms, relative clauses, and sentence boundaries occur frequently.
Eliminate sentence fragments and check agreement and passive forms before attempting longer complex constructions.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.