Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
There is no scope of argument that cigarette smoking is harmful both for the smoker and people around him/her. Cigarette smoking has two major effects on non-smokers-injurious passive smoking and smoking display that has an invitational or persuasive effect on non-smokers. I believe banning smoking in public places and offices not only will discourage smoking but will also keep the smoking practice out of site, though it might apparently look like transgress into smoker’s freedom. But I believe any harmful activity of a particular person or group of people can not be a definition of freedom. If smoking right in any place is a definition of freedom then why not other drugs? In m opinion, every public place including office must be smoking free. There are several reasons that government and private authorities are being strict on smoking in offices and even public places. Firstly, this is an accepted fact that smoking is injurious and deadly to health in several ways. Secondly, smoking causes health hazards to non-smokers who inhale smoke passively from the smokers. Thirdly, smoking has a strong psychologically influence on others, particularly on children and young who learns from their elderly. Fourthly, in many countries, the cost of health care and insurance has gone up due to smoking related illnesses. So health authorities and governments are trying to have been seen that due to the restrictions, the habit of smoking is on a decline among office goers. Though non-smokers think that restricting smoking in offices and public places is a good idea, smokers often view it as an intervention into their right. Smokers argue that cigarette smoking has a direct relation to their workplace performance, though passive smoking can cause objections from colleagues. But considering the harm of smoking it should be banned. Though pressure groups such as tobacco companies may discourage restrictions on smoking, since the advantages of ban outweigh the disadvantages, mass public support such bans. Moreover, offices have the right to regulate staff behaviour and activities and governments too can ban smoking in public places for a greater societal benefit. In conclusion, restricting smoking in workplaces and in public is a good idea. I can also understand the opinion of smokers that banning smoking in such places limits their work speed but I believe with little practice and determination they can overcome it. So I strongly support the idea of prohibiting smoking in any public place including the office premises.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: no scope of argument Suggested revision: no doubt Why it matters: This phrase is not an idiomatic way to express certainty.
- 2. Fix reference agreement Original: the smoker and people around him/her Suggested revision: smokers and those around them Why it matters: The plural wording avoids the awkward singular pronoun reference.
- 3. Separate the explanation Original: non-smokers-injurious Suggested revision: non-smokers: injurious Why it matters: A colon clearly introduces the two effects that follow.
- 4. Use a clear noun phrase Original: smoking display Suggested revision: the display of smoking Why it matters: The original noun combination is unclear and unnatural.
- 5. Place correlative correctly Original: not only will discourage Suggested revision: will not only discourage Why it matters: The auxiliary must precede the correlative phrase in this declarative clause.
- 6. Correct the homophone Original: site Suggested revision: sight Why it matters: Sight, not site, means the range of vision.
- 7. Fix verb construction Original: look like transgress Suggested revision: appear to transgress Why it matters: Look like cannot be followed directly by this base-form verb.
- 8. Use plural possessive Original: smoker’s freedom Suggested revision: smokers’ freedom Why it matters: The argument concerns smokers generally, so the plural possessive is needed.
- 9. Join the modal form Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: Cannot is normally written as one word.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: smoking right Suggested revision: right to smoke Why it matters: Right to smoke is the standard expression for this claimed freedom.
- 11. Correct the typo Original: m Suggested revision: my Why it matters: The possessive determiner my is misspelled.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: office Suggested revision: offices Why it matters: Office should be plural when referring to workplaces generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- no scope of argument no doubt
- the smoker and people around him/her smokers and those around them
- non-smokers-injurious non-smokers: injurious
- smoking display the display of smoking
- not only will discourage will not only discourage
- site sight
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with several relevant health and social arguments, including consideration of smokers’ objections. Its main weakness is that development becomes repetitive and occasionally unclear, while frequent language errors and the absence of paragraph breaks weaken precision and flow. Prioritise organising the argument into focused paragraphs and revising awkward sentences so each supporting point is expressed accurately and convincingly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by several relevant reasons, although some points are repetitive or insufficiently developed.
Develop fewer arguments more deeply, especially the freedom counterargument, with precise explanation rather than repeated assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, but the single-block presentation and some mechanical transitions weaken cohesion.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs with one central idea each and use transitions more selectively.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably wide topic-specific vocabulary, but frequent word-choice, spelling, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Review less common expressions and replace inaccurate combinations such as those involving rights, influence, and public support with natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the argument, though recurring agreement, article, and sentence-construction errors are noticeable.
Edit each complex sentence for a complete grammatical structure, accurate subject-verb agreement, and correct article use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.