Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
These days, some people believe that teenagers should do unpaid work in their spare time for the benefit of society. I strongly agree with this notion that it is necessary to engage them in voluntary work. This essay will discuss the main points with examples. To begin with, adolescents who take part in unpaid work would be more responsible to the community. When they are involved with other residents then they come to realize the problems that people deal with everyday like poverty, pollution and many more. Moreover, we all have been affected by the current Covid-19 pandemic and a good many people suffer a loss. As revealed by “ The Voice of Vietnam- VOV”, a volunteer who is against the virus and empathize with mental pain that the patients are going through, he always delivers oxygen and food for people who need it the most. For that reason, volunteering makes students the most responsible citizens of the country. Furthermore, unpaid work can help children expand their social cycle and soft skills. Because when they participate in an unrewarded job, they will meet different types of people, as they learn from each other myriad skills such as leadership, teamwork, communication and handle difficult situations. For instance, a recent search conducted in Japan has revealed that students who had take part in voluntary work can be more sociable, energetic and also respectful to others. Compared with teenagers that do not do unpaid work, they will become more verted, idle and listless. On balance, I believe that youngsters should do unpaid work for social work instead of paying. This is because they are able to learn many crucial skills and are more responsible to society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct stance phrase Original: I strongly agree with this notion that it is necessary Suggested revision: I strongly believe that it is necessary Why it matters: The replacement removes the awkward combination of 'agree with this notion that'.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: responsible to the community Suggested revision: responsible toward their community Why it matters: 'Responsible toward' expresses a sense of duty to the community more naturally.
- 3. Correct the clause structure Original: residents then they Suggested revision: residents, they Why it matters: The dependent 'when' clause should be followed by a comma and the main clause without 'then'.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: the current Covid-19 pandemic Suggested revision: the Covid-19 pandemic Why it matters: The time reference is already clear, so 'current' adds no useful meaning.
- 5. Introduce examples formally Original: like poverty Suggested revision: such as poverty Why it matters: 'Such as' is more appropriate for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 6. Complete the reference Original: and many more Suggested revision: and many other issues Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a plural noun identifying what there are more of.
- 7. Place the adverb naturally Original: we all have been affected Suggested revision: we have all been affected Why it matters: The adverb 'all' normally follows the auxiliary verb in this passive construction.
- 8. Use consistent tense and number Original: a good many people suffer a loss Suggested revision: many people have suffered losses Why it matters: The present perfect matches the preceding time frame, and plural 'losses' agrees with many people.
- 9. Use the comparative form Original: the most responsible citizens Suggested revision: more responsible citizens Why it matters: The argument compares volunteers with others, so the comparative form is required.
- 10. Correct the social expression Original: children expand their social cycle Suggested revision: teenagers widen their social circles Why it matters: 'Social circle' is the correct expression, and 'teenagers' keeps the subject consistent with the task.
- 11. Use the research term Original: search Suggested revision: study Why it matters: A study, rather than a search, is conducted to produce research findings.
- 12. Correct the verb form Original: had take part Suggested revision: take part Why it matters: The base form after 'had' is incorrect here, and the simple present fits the general group being described.
Suggested Rewrites
- I strongly agree with this notion that it is necessary I strongly believe that it is necessary
- responsible to the community responsible toward their community
- residents then they residents, they
- the current Covid-19 pandemic the Covid-19 pandemic
- like poverty such as poverty
- and many more and many other issues
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is a clear agreement with compulsory community work, supported by two relevant benefits for teenagers and society. Its main limitation is that examples and comparisons are sometimes unclear, while frequent grammatical and word-choice problems interrupt the flow. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the ideas into clear paragraphs and develop each benefit through precise cause-and-effect explanation rather than loosely connected or awkward examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and addresses benefits to both teenagers and society, though some support is vague or insufficiently connected.
Develop each benefit with a specific, credible example and explain directly how it supports compulsory unpaid community work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two main ideas follow a generally logical order, but the single paragraph, fragments, and awkward linking weaken cohesion.
Separate the introduction, two body ideas, and conclusion, and use complete cause-and-effect sentences within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate choices and collocations frequently make expression unnatural or imprecise.
Replace unclear phrases such as social cycle, recent search, and more verted with accurate, familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, clauses, and sentence construction reduce control.
Focus on forming complete complex sentences and checking verb agreement and tense before adding further grammatical variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.