Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today’s modern world, although there are a number of countries who have become rich and more affluent by following the development and advancement of technology, there are still some nations who have remained poor. Therefore, some people assert that rich countries have an obligation to offer jobs to talented and wise workers who come from the poor countries, which I strongly agree with.
There are several reasons which influence my view. To begin with, the act of allowing jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees from poor countries by rich nations is considered to be an effective way to help the poor countries and it will indirectly strengthen the relationship among nations. It is important to ensure there will not be an occurrence of war between the nations which may have negative effects on the people’s lives, for example, it may even cost many innocent lives. By maintaining the close relationship between the countries by offering jobs for the employees from poor countries, the citizens in both nations can live in peace and serenity.
The following factor that supports the idea of offering jobs to employees from poor countries by rich nations is that it could prove useful in helping the poor countries, especially the third world countries to reduce the cases of poverty. By offering jobs to the citizens from poor nations, they are able to support their family financially when they get back to their home countries. As proverb said, kill two birds with one stone, this action is believed to be beneficial to both sides, not only it will help the poor countries to tackle poverty and starvation problems, but also will help the rich nations to continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come. This is mainly due to the reason that the talented and intelligent employees from poor countries can contribute endlessly to the rich countries.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that rich countries should allow jobs for the employees from poor nations who are talented and intelligent owing to numerous factors. I believe the poor nations will soon become richer as long as the rich countries are willing to lend them a helping hand.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: today’s modern world Suggested revision: today’s world Why it matters: The words “today’s” and “modern” express the same idea here.
- 2. Use relative pronoun Original: who Suggested revision: that Why it matters: Use “that” rather than “who” for countries.
- 3. Avoid repetition Original: development and advancement of technology Suggested revision: advancement of technology Why it matters: “Development” and “advancement” are unnecessarily repetitive in this phrase.
- 4. Use relative pronoun Original: who Suggested revision: that Why it matters: Use “that” rather than “who” for nations.
- 5. Correct preposition Original: by offering jobs for the employees Suggested revision: by offering jobs to employees Why it matters: The verb “offer” takes “to” before the recipient, and the general plural needs no article.
- 6. Use natural transition Original: The following factor Suggested revision: Another factor Why it matters: This transition more naturally introduces an additional reason.
- 7. Use current term Original: the third world countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: “Developing countries” is a more neutral and current expression.
- 8. Fix collocation Original: reduce the cases of poverty Suggested revision: reduce poverty Why it matters: “Reduce poverty” is the natural collocation.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: family Suggested revision: families Why it matters: The plural pronoun “they” normally refers to multiple families in this general statement.
- 10. Use formal phrasing Original: get back to their home countries Suggested revision: return to their home countries Why it matters: “Return” is more concise and appropriately formal here.
- 11. Fix proverb phrase Original: As proverb said Suggested revision: As the proverb says Why it matters: The phrase needs the article and the present-tense reporting verb.
- 12. Correct word order Original: not only it will help Suggested revision: it will not only help Why it matters: Place “not only” after the auxiliary in this paired construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- today’s modern world today’s world
- who that
- development and advancement of technology advancement of technology
- who that
- by offering jobs for the employees by offering jobs to employees
- The following factor Another factor
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers two identifiable reasons, with the discussion of remittances and mutual economic benefit providing its strongest support. However, the peace-and-war argument is speculative, and repetition and awkward language reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop fewer claims through clearer cause-and-effect reasoning and specific, realistic support while editing sentence structures for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and supported by two relevant reasons, though the first is speculative and both arguments need fuller, more convincing development.
Build each reason around a precise causal chain and support it with a realistic example instead of broad claims about peace or national prosperity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, but repeated wording and some overloaded sentences make the argument feel mechanical.
Use concise topic sentences and vary referencing so each paragraph advances the argument without repeatedly restating jobs, rich countries, and poor countries.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations such as allowing jobs and contribute endlessly weaken naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate collocations such as offer employment, reduce poverty, and contribute expertise rather than using ambitious expressions that do not fit the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the meaning, although article, clause, and sentence-construction errors recur throughout.
Edit long sentences into controlled units and practise article use, relative clauses, and paired structures such as not only...but also.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.