Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?
Sample Response
An essential element of the ecosystem is water. Water pollution occurs when harmful chemicals or microorganisms are released into water bodies, which results in the degradation of animal and human’s life quality.
The most common cause of water pollution is the direct disposal of industrial and human waste into the surface water. Another reason worth mentioning is the oil spill.Since the dawn of industrialization, numerous factories have been discharging toxic chemical compounds such as metallic sulfides or cyanides. When being introduced into lakes, rivers, and seas, these toxic wastes poison freshwater or saltwater animals and plants, subsequently destroy the ecosystem. Even when the industrial waste is buried in the ground, they can still permeate the soil to pollute the underground water, thus begin the process again.
Another cause of water pollution is human waste. Various kinds of pathogenic bacteria live in human feces, and they may cause gastrointestinal infection if they appear in the water supply. Oil spills are also the reason for sea pollution. Most of the marine animals cannot digest oil, or cleanse the spilling oil on their feathers. Therefore, they will die soon unless there are human interventions. The spill also adversely affect seawater, which damages the tourist industry of coastal regions.
To summarize, water pollution is mostly the result of oil spills and industrial or human waste disposal. It severely affects the environment and subsequently the life of animals and human.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct verb Original: results in the degradation of Suggested revision: degrades Why it matters: A direct verb makes the causal statement more concise.
- 2. Fix possessive form Original: animal and human’s life quality Suggested revision: animals' and humans' quality of life Why it matters: The plural possessives and the phrase 'quality of life' are required here.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: into the surface water Suggested revision: into surface water Why it matters: Surface water is used generically here and does not need 'the'.
- 4. Use plural form Original: the oil spill Suggested revision: oil spills Why it matters: The sentence refers to oil spills as a general cause rather than one specific event.
- 5. Simplify passive clause Original: When being introduced Suggested revision: When introduced Why it matters: The reduced passive clause does not require 'being'.
- 6. Link coordinated verbs Original: subsequently destroy Suggested revision: and subsequently destroy Why it matters: The second verb needs a coordinator to remain parallel with 'poison'.
- 7. Use generic noun Original: the industrial waste Suggested revision: industrial waste Why it matters: The uncountable noun is being discussed generally, so the article is unnecessary.
- 8. Match the pronoun Original: they Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the singular uncountable noun 'waste'.
- 9. Use participle form Original: begin Suggested revision: beginning Why it matters: The result phrase after the comma requires a participle.
- 10. Name the process Original: the process again Suggested revision: the pollution process again Why it matters: Naming the process makes the reference clearer.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: infection Suggested revision: infections Why it matters: A range of bacteria can cause infections generally, so the plural is appropriate.
- 12. Use precise cause phrase Original: the reason for sea pollution Suggested revision: a cause of marine pollution Why it matters: This wording expresses one of several causes more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- results in the degradation of degrades
- animal and human’s life quality animals' and humans' quality of life
- into the surface water into surface water
- the oil spill oil spills
- When being introduced When introduced
- subsequently destroy and subsequently destroy
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly identifies several relevant causes and traces credible consequences for wildlife, health, and coastal economies, with a logical overall structure. Its main limitation is that some points are compressed and the response falls slightly below the required length, while recurring grammatical inaccuracies reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the societal effects more fully and proofread agreement, reference, and clause structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and effects with relevant explanations, though societal impacts receive less development and the essay is slightly under length.
Develop one societal consequence in greater depth and ensure the response comfortably exceeds 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and consequences, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Group each cause more consistently with its corresponding effects to avoid some repetition between body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied environmental vocabulary conveys precise ideas, despite several awkward collocations and word-form choices.
Use more natural combinations such as quality of life, oil spills, and human intervention, and check singular and plural forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures, but agreement, pronoun reference, and non-finite clause errors recur.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and ensure participle clauses have a clear, logical subject.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.