It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Sample Response
Some people believe that children can not distinguish right from wrong, and parents and teachers should instil morality and responsibility in them even if it means imposing some sort of punishment. I agree with this opinion, but I believe that they must first explain and advise them, and only after several violations or impish acts, they should use punishment. They should also make sure that punishment should not affect a child negatively; rather it must be constructive for them.
Nowadays, children are vulnerable to being negatively affected by their surroundings, peers and electronic and social media. Hence parents and teachers must teach them morality and make them aware of distinguishing right from wrong. At an early age, children have boundless curiosity and they may imitate what they see, and that turns out to be disastrous at times. To avoid that, minor punishment is the best way as fear of punishment makes them stay away from many wrongdoings. To prove that, Stanford University has done many surveys on children and the results show that 80% of children who had already been punished for their particular mistakes had not repeated the same.
But we need to understand that punishments should always be associated with some lessons for children. It must not be physically or mentally harmful. For example, the World's Nursery in Japan asks children to plant trees as a punishment. Many schools in India punish children by asking them to run a few kilometres. Such punishments are constructive for children's health and society, and could also teach children that their actions have consequences.
To conclude, I believe that children have to learn about positives and negatives and punishment is one of the effective ways to guide them to learn this distinction. However, parents and teachers must use constructive and positive punishments to show them the right path.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: some sort of punishment Suggested revision: a form of punishment Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more concisely in an academic register.
- 2. Use natural values phrase Original: instil morality and responsibility in them Suggested revision: instil moral values and responsibility in them Why it matters: Moral values is the natural expression for principles of right and wrong.
- 3. Clarify pronoun reference Original: even if it means imposing Suggested revision: even if this requires imposing Why it matters: This clearly refers to the act of teaching morality and responsibility.
- 4. Avoid doubled modality Original: make sure that punishment should not affect Suggested revision: ensure that punishment does not affect Why it matters: Ensure already expresses the intended requirement, so should is unnecessary in the subordinate clause.
- 5. Clarify singular reference Original: constructive for them Suggested revision: constructive for the child Why it matters: The child provides a clear singular referent after a child in the preceding clause.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: vulnerable to being negatively affected Suggested revision: easily influenced Why it matters: The revision conveys the same susceptibility more directly.
- 7. Clarify coordinated list Original: peers and electronic and social media Suggested revision: peers, electronic media, and social media Why it matters: Commas and parallel noun phrases separate the three sources of influence clearly.
- 8. Add transition comma Original: Hence parents and teachers Suggested revision: Hence, parents and teachers Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory conjunctive adverb hence.
- 9. Use correct verb pattern Original: make them aware of distinguishing Suggested revision: teach them to distinguish Why it matters: Teach someone to distinguish is the natural construction for learning this skill.
- 10. Clarify possible consequence Original: and that turns out to be disastrous Suggested revision: which can have disastrous consequences Why it matters: The relative clause links the potential outcome clearly to imitating what children see.
- 11. Clarify reference Original: To avoid that Suggested revision: To prevent this behaviour Why it matters: The revision names the behaviour being prevented instead of using the vague pronoun that.
- 12. Avoid absolute phrasing Original: minor punishment is the best way Suggested revision: minor punishment can be an effective method Why it matters: The revision preserves the proposed benefit without presenting punishment as the sole best approach.
Suggested Rewrites
- some sort of punishment a form of punishment
- instil morality and responsibility in them instil moral values and responsibility in them
- even if it means imposing even if this requires imposing
- make sure that punishment should not affect ensure that punishment does not affect
- constructive for them constructive for the child
- vulnerable to being negatively affected easily influenced
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both parts of the task with a clear, qualified position and offers concrete examples of constructive punishment. Its main limitation is that some support is asserted rather than convincingly explained, and the proposed physical exercise is not examined for possible harm. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a principled distinction between acceptable consequences and harmful punishment, then evaluate each example against it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the necessity of punishment and identifies permissible forms, maintaining a clear position throughout.
Explain why each proposed consequence is educational and safe, rather than relying on unsupported statistics or assumptions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear paragraph structure with logical progression and generally effective linking.
Make the connection between the general principle and each punishment example more explicit within the third paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, with some less natural combinations and imprecise expressions.
Use more natural terms such as 'misbehaviour,' 'right and wrong,' and 'beneficial to children' in place of awkward collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used with generally accurate control, and errors rarely affect clarity.
Refine clause structure and reference, particularly in sentences using repeated coordination or unclear pronouns such as 'that.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Your response
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