Nowadays, people always throw old things away and buy new things, whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead to?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it has become prevalent to witness individuals opting to purchase entirely new items rather than repairing slightly defective ones. This shift is primarily attributed to the increased affluence of people in contemporary society, coupled with the constant stream of innovations. The repercussions of this trend are notably observed in the escalating waste crisis and the widening gap between the affluent and the less privileged.
One significant factor contributing to this phenomenon is the substantial rise in the percentage of affluent individuals over the last three to four decades. This demographic shift indicates that citizens in modern societies possess more valuable possessions compared to previous generations. Another driving force behind this trend is the proactive marketing strategies employed by companies targeting their wealthier customer base. Notably, highly populated countries like Japan and China showcase a preference for extravagant products, such as Prada handbags, while the younger generations predominantly constitute the user base for high-end gadgets like iPhones.
The potential consequences of the aforementioned issues are poised to further exacerbate the existing challenges related to global waste and climate changes. The manufacturing industry, driven by profit motives, tends to focus on catering to the elite class, perpetuating a disposable, one-time-use mentality. This is evident in the creation of sophisticated and expensive inventories, acknowledging that a significant portion—approximately 80%—of the global population cannot afford such products. This stark disparity reflects the clear delineation between social classes, exemplified by countries like India, where a majority lives below the poverty line while a mere 5% belong to the world’s wealthiest population.
To conclude, the increase in waste issues today is connected to wealthier individuals who are hesitant to fix or share their belongings. Manufacturers, driven by profit, frequently ignore the less privileged when creating products, continuing a cycle of harm to the environment and social unfairness. In my view, it’s crucial to work together to encourage a more inclusive approach in both how people consume and how products are made to tackle these issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise proportion term Original: percentage Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: “Proportion” is the more natural term for the share of a population.
- 2. Avoid repetition Original: possess more valuable possessions compared to previous generations Suggested revision: own more valuable goods than previous generations did Why it matters: The revision removes repetition and makes the comparison grammatically complete.
- 3. Clarify the modifier Original: companies targeting their wealthier customer base Suggested revision: companies that target wealthier customers Why it matters: A finite relative clause states the relationship more clearly and concisely.
- 4. Name the consumers Original: highly populated countries like Japan and China showcase Suggested revision: consumers in densely populated countries such as Japan and China show Why it matters: People, rather than countries themselves, hold a preference for particular products.
- 5. Use direct phrasing Original: younger generations predominantly constitute the user base Suggested revision: younger generations form most of the user base Why it matters: The revision conveys the same proportion more directly and naturally.
- 6. Use accurate reference Original: aforementioned issues Suggested revision: trend Why it matters: The previous paragraph describes causes of one trend, so “issues” is an inaccurate backward reference.
- 7. Use uncountable form Original: changes Suggested revision: change Why it matters: The global environmental phenomenon is conventionally expressed as the uncountable singular “climate change.”
- 8. Use neutral phrasing Original: catering to the elite class Suggested revision: catering to affluent consumers Why it matters: The replacement identifies the intended customer group more precisely and naturally.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: belong to the world’s wealthiest population Suggested revision: are among the world’s wealthiest people Why it matters: People can be among a wealthy group, but they do not “belong to” a single wealthiest population.
- 10. Use standard term Original: unfairness Suggested revision: inequality Why it matters: “Social inequality” is the established term for unequal social and economic conditions.
- 11. Reduce wordiness Original: increased affluence of people in contemporary society Suggested revision: greater affluence in contemporary society Why it matters: The revision expresses the same cause more concisely without the unnecessary “of people.”
- 12. Use a direct verb Original: are notably observed in Suggested revision: include Why it matters: “Include” introduces the stated consequences more directly and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- percentage proportion
- possess more valuable possessions compared to previous generations own more valuable goods than previous generations did
- companies targeting their wealthier customer base companies that target wealthier customers
- highly populated countries like Japan and China showcase consumers in densely populated countries such as Japan and China show
- younger generations predominantly constitute the user base younger generations form most of the user base
- aforementioned issues trend
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response has a clear structure and confidently addresses both causes and consequences with a broad range of language. However, some supporting examples and causal links are only loosely connected to the replacement of old goods, especially the discussion of luxury products and inequality. The highest-priority improvement is to explain each cause-and-effect chain directly and support it with evidence that clearly illustrates disposable consumption.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered and the main ideas are extended, though some evidence does not convincingly demonstrate the stated causes or effects.
Use examples that directly show why consumers replace repairable goods and how that behaviour produces each identified consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion progression, but some connections within the consequence paragraph are conceptually loose.
Organise each body paragraph around explicit cause-and-result chains and avoid vague backward references such as the aforementioned issues.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is broad and appropriately formal, although several ambitious expressions are imprecise or unnatural in context.
Prioritise exact collocations and concrete wording over inflated phrases when describing wealth, marketing, products, and environmental change.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled with strong control, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Polish occasional noun forms and article or number choices while preserving the effective variety of complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, people always throw old things away and buy new things, whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead to?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.