Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?
Sample Response
As technology improves, it came along with some issues that can cause remarkable changings on environment. Facilities around the world pollute more and more every single year and of course there are crucial changings on habitat.
There are several type of pollution such as air, water or even sound (have you ever tried to sleep in the apartmant that located at a busy street). As technology grows, us people has more oppurtunity to produce, consume, and leave a trash behind more and more compared to early 1900 (before the industrial revulation) And all these things come with consuquences. In production, water takes an important role. Its crucial for coloring, cooking, cleaning even testing medicines before it takes place in shelfs, pharmacies. Moreover, to get rid of chemical products, we again using water (or even pouring our dirts into rivers, lakes and seas)
It may seem like pouring a glass of a water to a huge ocean, but for sea ecosystem, every single drop of chemical, radioactive remeanings matter a lot. Those creatures aren't evolved to maintain leaving properly, or staying alive with those environment had affected by our poor knowledge. That may also cause water ecosystems to lose their diversity of animals, plants and even microbes and as well as in long term other ecosystems that partly involved with water.
Also some cultures are depended on water. Their economic growth depend on fishing, tourism on beach life or even more producing sustainable energy from waves kinetic potential or algies (a creature lives in the sea). Human society will be effected by their habits changing because of the pollution, and they may even feel depression since its their normal from their roots.
So its important to look after seas. Its important to take steps to enable more volumes of water wasted over something that we could change.1
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Inconsistent verb tense Original: it came along Suggested revision: it has come along Why it matters: The present perfect tense is needed here to match the present tense used in the first clause.
- 2. Incorrect noun form and preposition Original: changings on Suggested revision: changes to the Why it matters: The noun 'change' is countable and takes the preposition 'to' when referring to environmental impact.
- 3. Incorrect noun and preposition Original: changings on habitat Suggested revision: changes to habitats Why it matters: Use the standard plural noun 'changes' followed by 'to' and the plural 'habitats'.
- 4. Noun number mismatch Original: type of pollution Suggested revision: types of pollution Why it matters: The plural 'types' is required because several examples are listed immediately after.
- 5. Spelling and relative clause error Original: apartmant that located at Suggested revision: apartment located on Why it matters: Correct the spelling of 'apartment' and use a past participle modifier with the preposition 'on'.
- 6. Subject pronoun and verb agreement Original: us people has Suggested revision: we humans have Why it matters: The subject pronoun 'we' is required, which agrees with the plural verb 'have'.
- 7. Spelling error Original: oppurtunity Suggested revision: opportunity Why it matters: The word 'opportunity' is misspelled.
- 8. Spelling error Original: revulation Suggested revision: revolution Why it matters: The word 'revolution' is misspelled.
- 9. Spelling error Original: consuquences Suggested revision: consequences Why it matters: The word 'consequences' is misspelled.
- 10. Irregular plural noun Original: shelfs Suggested revision: shelves Why it matters: The plural form of 'shelf' is 'shelves'.
- 11. Missing auxiliary verb Original: we again using Suggested revision: we are again using Why it matters: The present continuous tense requires the auxiliary verb 'are'.
- 12. Spelling error Original: remeanings Suggested revision: remnants Why it matters: The intended word is 'remnants' or 'residues'.
Suggested Rewrites
- it came along it has come along
- changings on changes to the
- changings on habitat changes to habitats
- type of pollution types of pollution
- apartmant that located at apartment located on
- us people has we humans have
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay successfully addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying industrial causes of water pollution and discussing its consequences on both marine ecosystems and human communities. However, the progression of ideas is occasionally disrupted by informal phrasing and frequent errors in spelling and grammar. To improve, the candidate should focus on academic register and systematic proofreading to eliminate basic grammatical and lexical mistakes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses all parts of the prompt, outlining causes such as industrial waste and detailing effects on both marine life and human societies.
Ensure all supporting examples are highly relevant and avoid conversational tangents, such as rhetorical questions about sleeping in apartments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs with a generally logical progression, though transitions between some ideas feel slightly abrupt.
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition signals to connect paragraphs and sentences more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main ideas, there are frequent errors in spelling and word formation, such as 'changings', 'oppurtunity', and 'remeanings'.
Focus on learning correct spelling patterns and the proper collocations of common academic words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but grammatical errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and passive voice are frequent.
Review core grammatical structures, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct formation of passive verb tenses.
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