The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Sample Response
The three provided graphs represent data on the type of music albums purchased by the different age groups in Britain. As is observed, Rock is most popular music type among the three music categories and people purchasing classical music album are mostly over 45 years and male listeners purchased more album than that of females. In all cases, men purchase more music albums than women did. Rock and pop music are more popular among young British while classical among the people over 45 years. The market of rock music albums is mainly dominated by men with a purchase record of over 30% compared to 16% purchase done by women. From the first graph, it is obvious that interest in pop music seems steady among the population who aged from 16 to 44 and after people turn to 45 years, they continue to buy pop type music albums, the ratio decreases nevertheless. Among the Britons of 16 to 34 years old, the rock music is most revered. Opposite to the classic music graph, the interest in rock music keeps falling after people reach their mid-thirties and a sharp fall after the age 45 is visible.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural form Original: type Suggested revision: types Why it matters: The three graphs cover multiple types of music, so the noun should be plural.
- 2. Match present tense Original: did Suggested revision: do Why it matters: Use the present tense consistently when describing what the graphs show.
- 3. Complete the noun phrase Original: young British Suggested revision: young British people Why it matters: British is an adjective here and needs a noun referring to the buyers.
- 4. Complete the comparison Original: while classical among the people over 45 years Suggested revision: while classical music is more popular among people aged 45 and over Why it matters: The contrast clause needs a subject and verb as well as an accurate age-group expression.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: The market of rock music albums Suggested revision: The rock music album market Why it matters: This noun phrase is a more natural way to refer to the market for rock albums.
- 6. Use chart terminology Original: record Suggested revision: rate Why it matters: The graph reports a percentage or rate rather than an individual purchase record.
- 7. Fix comparison wording Original: 16% purchase done by women Suggested revision: 16% for women Why it matters: This concise form makes the percentage comparison grammatical and clear.
- 8. Fix relative clause Original: the population who aged from 16 to 44 Suggested revision: people aged 16 to 44 Why it matters: Aged directly modifies people and avoids the ungrammatical who aged construction.
- 9. Express age naturally Original: Among the Britons of 16 to 34 years old Suggested revision: Among Britons aged 16 to 34 Why it matters: Aged 16 to 34 is the standard concise form for this age range.
- 10. Remove the article Original: the rock music Suggested revision: rock music Why it matters: Music genre names do not normally take the definite article in this construction.
- 11. Describe popularity Original: revered Suggested revision: popular Why it matters: Revered means deeply respected and does not accurately describe purchase rates.
- 12. Use a clear contrast Original: Opposite to the classic music graph Suggested revision: In contrast to the classical music graph Why it matters: In contrast to is the appropriate linking phrase, and classical is the correct genre label.
Suggested Rewrites
- type types
- did do
- young British young British people
- while classical among the people over 45 years while classical music is more popular among people aged 45 and over
- The market of rock music albums The rock music album market
- record rate
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several broad patterns accurately, especially the consistent male lead and the younger appeal of pop and rock, and it includes a recognizable overview. Its main limitation is selective coverage: the classical chart is barely developed, pop figures are mostly absent, and the claim that rock is generally most popular is overgeneralized. Prioritize balanced, data-supported comparisons across all three genres and age groups.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several valid trends are given, but coverage is uneven and some claims are insufficiently supported by the charts.
Compare all three genres with representative figures for both sex and age, especially the underdeveloped classical and pop data.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a broadly understandable progression, although the single-block presentation and some overloaded sentences weaken organization.
Separate the overview from two focused detail paragraphs and keep each comparison within a clearly controlled sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but several word choices and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use neutral chart language such as percentages, proportions, and purchases instead of imprecise expressions such as most revered or purchase done.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the main meaning, but recurring article, agreement, plural, tense, and clause-control errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement, then divide long clauses to avoid run-on structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.