The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Sample Response
The given charts enumerate the percentage of pop, rock and classical music album purchasers based on their sex and age group in Britain. As a general trend, men were dominant music album purchasers in every kind of music genre. In pop music, buyers from 16-34 years old were well ahead than other age groups. 16-25 years old pop album purchasers stood close to that of 25-34 years old and they combinedly purchased more than 60% pop albums sold in Britain. Almost 28% pop albums were purchased by males while this was less than 20% by females. People over 45 years old were less enthusiastic about pop and rock music while their main interest was classical music. With regards to rock music album purchase, a striking similarity between the purchasing trends of pop and rock music albums could be observed. Nevertheless, rock music was the most popular music genre for both male and female prefered pop music. On the other, classical music was most preferred by the people who were over 45 years old and they purchased 20% music albums of this music type. However, young Britons were quite less enthusiastic about classical music with their 1-2 percent purchase of the album of this genre. Interestingly, British people from 25-34 age group preferred classical music while British citizens from 35-44 did not.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural chart verb Original: enumerate Suggested revision: show Why it matters: ‘Show’ is the standard, precise verb for introducing information in charts.
- 2. Clarify grouping Original: based on their sex and age group in Britain Suggested revision: in Britain, grouped by sex and age Why it matters: This wording states the chart categories more directly and naturally.
- 3. Describe proportions precisely Original: men were dominant music album purchasers Suggested revision: men represented a higher percentage of album purchasers Why it matters: ‘Dominant purchasers’ is an awkward description of the higher male percentages.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: every kind of music genre Suggested revision: every music genre Why it matters: ‘Kind’ and ‘genre’ express the same idea here.
- 5. Fix age expression Original: buyers from 16-34 years old Suggested revision: buyers aged 16–34 Why it matters: Use ‘aged’ before a numerical age range when describing people.
- 6. Fix comparison form Original: than Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The adjective phrase ‘ahead’ takes ‘of’, not ‘than’.
- 7. Use approximate figure Original: Almost Suggested revision: About Why it matters: The bar is approximately 28%, so ‘about’ expresses the estimate accurately.
- 8. Clarify comparison subject Original: this was less than 20% by females Suggested revision: the figure for females was below 20% Why it matters: The replacement gives the percentage a clear grammatical subject.
- 9. Fix fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard expression is ‘with regard to’.
- 10. Use natural noun phrase Original: rock music album purchase Suggested revision: rock-music album purchases Why it matters: The plural noun phrase fits a discussion of purchasing patterns across groups.
- 11. Complete linking phrase Original: On the other, Suggested revision: On the other hand, Why it matters: The contrast linker is incomplete without ‘hand’.
- 12. Use concise comparison Original: most preferred by the people who were over 45 years old Suggested revision: most popular among people aged 45 and over Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the age-group comparison more concisely and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- enumerate show
- based on their sex and age group in Britain in Britain, grouped by sex and age
- men were dominant music album purchasers men represented a higher percentage of album purchasers
- every kind of music genre every music genre
- buyers from 16-34 years old buyers aged 16–34
- than of
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear overview and identifies several important age and gender patterns across the three genres. Its main limitation is that some comparisons are misleading or imprecise, especially the combined pop figure, the statement about 25–34-year-olds preferring classical music, and the unclear male/female popularity comparison. Prioritise checking each cross-chart claim against the bars and express comparisons in unambiguous sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant figures cover all three genres, but several comparisons are inaccurate or misleading and rock data are underdeveloped.
Compare the same groups across charts carefully and support each major trend with accurate, clearly interpreted figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a sensible pop–rock–classical sequence, although the single paragraph and some faulty transitions weaken the organisation.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, and choose linking phrases that state the relationship between ideas precisely.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows useful range for describing charts, but awkward collocations, imprecise word choices, and spelling errors reduce precision.
Use standard chart phrases such as 'was higher than' and proofread forms including 'preferred' and age-group descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in comparisons, articles, agreement, and sentence construction sometimes obscure meaning.
Prioritise accurate comparative structures and revise malformed sentences so each clause has a clear grammatical relationship.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.