The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on the cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.
Sample Response
The line chart illustrates the average spending of the US people for mobile phone and fixed line services between 2001 and 2010. It can be seen that the annual spending for cellular services had increased sharply over the abovementioned period, while the residential one had a declining trend.
In 2001, the amount of money that was spent by an American resident for residential phone services was around $ 690. This amount was far higher than the figure for the cellular services, which stood at approximately $210. It is noticed that in 2006 the spending on fixed line services decreased to $550, while the average spending on cellular phone services rose to the same figure as the residential services.
From 2006 to 2010, the average annual spending of the American for cell phone services continued to increase to more than $ 750 per year. As for the residential services, the number of spending continued to decrease to just above $400 in 2010.
In summary, it is clear that over the ten-year period, the average expenditure of American people on phone services had changed. The spending amount on mobile services had risen sharply by almost quadruple, while the figure for residential service had dropped by almost half.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun Original: people Suggested revision: consumers Why it matters: This term identifies the people represented by expenditure data more naturally.
- 2. Correct service phrasing Original: for mobile phone and fixed line services Suggested revision: on cell phone and residential phone services Why it matters: Expenditure is made on services, and the revised labels match the chart.
- 3. Use simple past Original: had increased sharply Suggested revision: increased sharply Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate for a completed historical period without a later past reference point.
- 4. Use concise reference Original: abovementioned period Suggested revision: period Why it matters: The shorter reference is clearer and more natural in a chart description.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: the residential one Suggested revision: spending on residential services Why it matters: The pronoun does not clearly refer to expenditure rather than the service itself.
- 6. Use a direct verb Original: had a declining trend Suggested revision: declined Why it matters: A direct trend verb expresses the movement more precisely.
- 7. Match aggregate data Original: an American resident Suggested revision: US consumers Why it matters: The chart reports a consumer average, so a plural group reference is more accurate.
- 8. Remove extra article Original: the cellular services Suggested revision: cellular services Why it matters: The general service category does not require the definite article here.
- 9. Correct noun phrase Original: the average annual spending of the American Suggested revision: Americans' average annual spending Why it matters: The possessive plural form correctly expresses average expenditure by US consumers.
- 10. Use amount for spending Original: the number of spending Suggested revision: the amount spent Why it matters: Spending is uncountable and is described as an amount rather than a number.
- 11. Use simple past Original: had changed Suggested revision: changed Why it matters: Past perfect is unnecessary because no later past event is being contrasted.
- 12. Use precise group Original: American people Suggested revision: US consumers Why it matters: This wording is more natural and better aligned with the chart's population label.
Suggested Rewrites
- people consumers
- for mobile phone and fixed line services on cell phone and residential phone services
- had increased sharply increased sharply
- abovementioned period period
- the residential one spending on residential services
- had a declining trend declined
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents the two opposing trends clearly and supports them with well-chosen start and end figures. Its main weakness is a small but important data error: the services are said to reach the same spending level in 2006, whereas the lines cross after 2006. Prioritise checking every reported year and value against the graph, then refine awkward expressions about expenditure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant endpoint comparisons cover the main trends, although the claimed equality in 2006 is inaccurate.
Verify the crossover timing and each quoted value against the graph before finalising the report.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses clearly from the overview through the earlier and later periods, with effective paragraphing and referencing.
Avoid repeating the overview in a separate conclusion and use that space for another meaningful comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of trend and comparison vocabulary, but several collocations such as "the number of spending" are unnatural.
Use precise expenditure collocations, such as "spending fell" or "the amount spent declined", consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences communicates the comparisons clearly, though article, noun-form, and tense errors recur.
Use the simple past consistently for finished historical trends and check agreement in noun phrases.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on the cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.