You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. In your letter say: - what the conference is about how you know about the conference - explain to him/her - why it is important that you attend this conference
Sample Response
Dear Mrs Patricia, I am Anna Ferguson, a senior officer in your New Jersey office. I am writing in regard to a business conference which would take place in New York from 22nd to 26th September on 'Green Entrepreneurship & Management Skills'. I am hoping that you would permit me to attend this conference and give me a chance to better serve my position with the knowledge learned. This conference is being hosted by IPOC, a renowned business research organisation, and it would be presided over by some industry experts. I learned about it from an advertisement published on 12 August in the Daily Business People newspaper. The conference would cover different aspects of green business and entrepreneurship, steps to engage in forward-thinking policies for environmental concerns, policies affecting human rights and implementing changes and evaluating progress. As we are planning to comply with the green business policies, I can contribute to that from the theories and ideas learned from the discussion. I would hereby request you to kindly authorize me to attend this convention and oblige thereby. I hope to receive your permission soon. Yours sincerely, Anna Ferguson
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise preposition Original: in regard to Suggested revision: regarding Why it matters: Regarding expresses the same relationship more concisely in this formal letter.
- 2. Use definite future Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: Will is clearer for a scheduled future conference whose dates are known.
- 3. Introduce the conference title Original: on Suggested revision: entitled Why it matters: Entitled correctly introduces the name of the conference.
- 4. Use natural role phrase Original: better serve my position Suggested revision: perform better in my role Why it matters: A person performs in a role rather than serving a position.
- 5. Name the learner Original: with the knowledge learned Suggested revision: using the knowledge I gain Why it matters: The revision identifies who gains the knowledge and links it clearly to future work.
- 6. Use natural event verb Original: it would be presided over by Suggested revision: it will be led by Why it matters: Led by is a more natural description of experts directing a conference.
- 7. Simplify the request Original: would hereby request you to kindly authorize me Suggested revision: therefore request permission Why it matters: The revision removes redundant formality while keeping an appropriately respectful tone.
- 8. Remove archaic wording Original: this convention and oblige thereby Suggested revision: this conference Why it matters: This keeps the event term consistent and removes the unclear phrase oblige thereby.
- 9. Use the manager's surname Original: Dear Mrs Patricia Suggested revision: Dear Mrs [Surname] Why it matters: A formal salutation should use the manager's title and surname rather than a title with a first name.
- 10. Introduce yourself formally Original: I am Anna Ferguson Suggested revision: My name is Anna Ferguson Why it matters: My name is provides a more natural self-introduction in a formal workplace letter.
- 11. Use office preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At is the more natural preposition for employment at a particular office.
- 12. Use formal date style Original: from 22nd to 26th September Suggested revision: from 22 to 26 September Why it matters: This concise date format is conventional in formal correspondence.
Suggested Rewrites
- in regard to regarding
- would will
- on entitled
- better serve my position perform better in my role
- with the knowledge learned using the knowledge I gain
- it would be presided over by it will be led by
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly identifies the conference, explains how it was advertised, and links attendance to the organisation's green-business plans in an appropriately respectful tone. Its main limitation is expression: several formal phrases are unnatural, and the long list of conference topics is not grammatically parallel. Prioritise stating two concrete workplace benefits in direct, idiomatic language and organising the request into clear paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter achieves its purpose and covers the conference, source of information, and professional value with relevant supporting detail.
Make the benefit more concrete by explaining exactly how one or two conference lessons would be applied in the office.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a clear request-to-justification sequence, but the single-paragraph presentation and a lengthy topic list reduce readability.
Use separate paragraphs for the conference details, its workplace relevance, and the closing request.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of formal workplace vocabulary, although several collocations such as better serve my position and oblige thereby sound unnatural.
Prefer direct phrases such as perform my role more effectively and I would appreciate your approval.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but awkward verb patterns and weak parallelism recur in the conference-topic sentence.
Make lists grammatically parallel, for example by using a consistent series of noun phrases or gerunds.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. In your letter say:
- what the conference is about how you know about the conference
- explain to him/her
- why it is important that you attend this conference
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.