Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
Improved fertilizers have undoubtedly boosted crop yields, ensuring a more abundant food supply and sophisticated machinery has increased efficiency in farming operations. I partially agree with the statement that food production has become more economical due to enhanced fertilizers and machinery, but I also acknowledge the potential risks associated with these advancements.
However, the increased use of certain fertilizers and pesticides raises concerns about their impact on human health and the environment as they are not naturally grown anymore. Some of these chemicals have been linked to health issues, and their residues may find their way into the food chain, posing risks to consumers. Furthermore, the extensive use of machinery can lead to soil degradation and compaction, affecting the long-term sustainability of agriculture.
In terms of negative effects on local communities, the intensification of farming practices may lead to the displacement of small-scale farmers and traditional agricultural systems. Large-scale industrial farming can sometimes exploit natural resources and disrupt local ecosystems, threatening the livelihoods of those dependent on them.
In conclusion, it is to be noted that while the economic benefits are apparent, it is crucial to strike a balance by adopting sustainable practices for the long term that prioritize human health, environmental conservation, and the well-being of local communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid absolute claim Original: have undoubtedly boosted crop yields Suggested revision: can boost crop yields Why it matters: The modal form presents the general effect with appropriate academic caution.
- 2. Separate coordinated clauses Original: food supply and sophisticated machinery Suggested revision: food supply, while advanced machinery Why it matters: The conjunction and comma clearly separate the two independent claims.
- 3. Use specific reference Original: these advancements Suggested revision: these production methods Why it matters: The explicit phrase links the risks directly to the methods discussed in the prompt.
- 4. Clarify the pronoun Original: as they are not naturally grown anymore Suggested revision: because crops treated with them are no longer grown entirely naturally Why it matters: The revision identifies crops as what is grown and removes the ambiguous pronoun reference.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: may find their way into the food chain Suggested revision: may enter the food chain Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 6. Fix the parallel meaning Original: the displacement of small-scale farmers and traditional agricultural systems Suggested revision: the displacement of small-scale farmers and the loss of traditional agricultural systems Why it matters: Farmers can be displaced, whereas agricultural systems are more logically lost.
- 7. Choose precise verb Original: exploit Suggested revision: overuse Why it matters: 'Overuse' directly expresses the harmful depletion intended in this context.
- 8. Clarify both references Original: those dependent on them Suggested revision: people who depend on those resources Why it matters: The revision makes both the affected group and the object of dependence explicit.
- 9. Mark the result Original: ensuring Suggested revision: thereby ensuring Why it matters: 'Thereby' makes the cause-and-result relationship with higher crop yields explicit.
- 10. Keep terminology consistent Original: enhanced Suggested revision: improved Why it matters: Using the same precise term avoids an unnecessary shift in wording.
- 11. Specify adverse effect Original: health issues Suggested revision: adverse health effects Why it matters: The revised phrase identifies the negative nature of the health impact more precisely.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: However, the increased use of certain fertilizers and pesticides raises concerns about their impact on human health and the environment as they are not naturally grown anymore. Suggested revision: However, the increased use of certain fertilizers and pesticides raises concerns about human health and the environment because crops treated with them are no longer grown entirely naturally. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the faulty pronoun reference and makes the causal relationship clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- have undoubtedly boosted crop yields can boost crop yields
- food supply and sophisticated machinery food supply, while advanced machinery
- these advancements these production methods
- as they are not naturally grown anymore because crops treated with them are no longer grown entirely naturally
- may find their way into the food chain may enter the food chain
- the displacement of small-scale farmers and traditional agricultural systems the displacement of small-scale farmers and the loss of traditional agricultural systems
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is logically organised and uses a suitably formal range of language to discuss economic benefits alongside health and community risks. Its main limitation is insufficient development: at 209 words, several claims remain general, and the link between environmental harm and effects on local communities is only briefly explained. Expand each main point with a specific causal explanation or example, while maintaining the current clear progression and careful sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear partial-agreement position addresses the main claims, but the under-length response develops its relevant ideas only briefly and sometimes generally.
Reach the required length by adding a specific example and a fuller explanation of how industrial farming directly affects local communities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with clear progression from benefits to health, environmental, and community concerns.
Refine the transition into the first risk paragraph so however contrasts explicitly with a clearly completed benefits point rather than the thesis itself.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of formal, topic-appropriate vocabulary with generally accurate control, despite occasional imprecise reference and repetition.
Use more exact wording for chemical inputs and crops, avoiding unclear expressions such as fertilizers being not naturally grown.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is handled accurately overall, with only occasional punctuation and construction problems.
Check coordination in long sentences, adding punctuation or restructuring clauses so independent ideas are joined cleanly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
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