Some people say that today’s children are living under more pressure from society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In the 21st century, people enjoy a more comfortable life with better facilities, increased life expectancy and more possibilities than ever before. Despite these advancements and achievements, many people feel that modern children are living under immense pressure from society, and I quite agree with this viewpoint.
First of all, the competition that children face in school and at home is far more than in the past centuries. As society appreciates only the best performers and parents want their children to excel in every field, childhood today is far different than our forefathers. Competition and pressure are everywhere for children. Renowned and good schools have a limited number of seats, and the competition for those seats is overwhelming. Parents want their children to excel in music, sports, arts, science and in other fields. So they are often forced to get involved in activities that they have little interest in. Thus children in the present era live under constant pressure, fear and competition.
On top of that, overpopulation and scarcity of land have forced city dwellers to move to an apartment rather than a traditional home. These apartments force children to have limited activities at home which include watching television and using the internet. In addition, these apartments have some regulations such as not making noise or playing, and that is why children cannot enjoy their life freely feeling a kind of pressure that often make their life measurable.
Finally, the loose family bonding and parents’ priority for their careers often creates an invisible pressure on the children that has many negative psychological effects. Parents’ actions affect their offspring severely, and any social and family degradation will create extra stress on children.
To conclude, today’s children have more toys, electronic gadgets, and opportunity to learn and express their views, but that does not make their childhood more enjoyable as they feel more anxiety and pressure from everywhere. The type of pressure they face is quite overwhelming and that has many adverse effects on their growth as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the comparison Original: is far more than in the past centuries Suggested revision: is far greater than it was in previous centuries Why it matters: The comparison needs an explicit reference to the earlier level of competition.
- 2. Choose precise verb Original: appreciates Suggested revision: values Why it matters: “Values” more naturally expresses society's preference for top performers.
- 3. Avoid redundant adjectives Original: Renowned and good schools Suggested revision: Prestigious schools Why it matters: “Prestigious” conveys the intended meaning without the vague and repetitive adjective pair.
- 4. Keep list parallel Original: in music, sports, arts, science and in other fields Suggested revision: in music, sports, the arts, science, and other fields Why it matters: Removing the repeated preposition and adding the article creates a parallel list.
- 5. Use formal connector Original: So they Suggested revision: Therefore, they Why it matters: “Therefore” makes the causal link more explicit in formal writing.
- 6. Improve relative structure Original: activities that they have little interest in Suggested revision: activities in which they have little interest Why it matters: The revised relative construction is more controlled and formal.
- 7. Punctuate linking adverb Original: Thus children Suggested revision: Thus, children Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory linking adverb “Thus.”
- 8. Use consistent number Original: forced city dwellers to move to an apartment Suggested revision: forced city dwellers to move into apartments Why it matters: The plural “dwellers” calls for the generic plural “apartments,” and “move into” is the natural phrase.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: force children to have limited activities Suggested revision: restrict children's activities Why it matters: The original verb phrase is unnatural; “restrict activities” expresses the meaning directly.
- 10. Clarify the modifier Original: at home which include Suggested revision: at home, including Why it matters: “Including” correctly introduces examples of the restricted activities.
- 11. Express rules clearly Original: some regulations such as not making noise or playing Suggested revision: rules that prohibit them from making noise or playing Why it matters: Regulations do not themselves consist of actions; they prohibit those actions.
- 12. Match plural possessive Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural subject “children” requires the plural noun “lives.”
Suggested Rewrites
- is far more than in the past centuries is far greater than it was in previous centuries
- appreciates values
- Renowned and good schools Prestigious schools
- in music, sports, arts, science and in other fields in music, sports, the arts, science, and other fields
- So they Therefore, they
- activities that they have little interest in activities in which they have little interest
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear agreement position and offers several logically separated sources of pressure, with the discussion of educational competition providing the strongest development. The apartment-living argument is less convincingly tied to social pressure or to a comparison with the past, and recurring word-choice and agreement errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason through an explicit past-versus-present comparison supported by a clearly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent position and several relevant reasons, although some ideas are only partly developed or weakly connected to the required historical comparison.
Make each body paragraph compare modern childhood directly with the past and support the claimed pressure with a specific, relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses coherently from educational competition to living conditions and family relationships, with effective overall sequencing.
Use internal linking to show more clearly how each cause creates pressure rather than relying mainly on paragraph-opening signposts.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss social, educational, and psychological issues, but several inaccurate or unnatural choices weaken precision.
Replace faulty expressions such as “far different than our forefathers,” “loose family bonding,” and “make their life measurable” with accurate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences effectively, but recurring agreement, article, and noun-form errors prevent consistently strong control.
Check agreement carefully in clauses such as “pressure that often make” and “bonding and parents’ priority ... creates,” and review singular-plural noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that today’s children are living under more pressure from society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.