Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's digital age, children are exposed to a significant amount of screen time, spending hours watching TV and playing video games. Some people say that these activities have harmful psychological effectsit has harmful psychological impacts on young minds. This essay agrees with the viewagrees on the notion that these activities can be detrimental to a child's mental well-being.
One of the major concerns associated with excessive TV watching and video game playing is the sedentary lifestyle they promotesedentary lifestyle it promotes. Children who spend prolonged periods sitting in front of screens are may develop psychological problems as a resultat risk of developing psychological problems as a result. A sedentary indoor lifestyleA sedentary and indoor lifestyle increases the risk of mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. For example, a study conducted by the World Health Organization found a correlation between excessive screen time and a higher prevalence of depression and anxietyan increased prevalence of depression and anxiety.
Another significant drawback of excessive TV watching and video game playing is the potential for social isolation and impaired social skills. Children who spend too much timespend excessive time engaged in these activities may miss out on real-world interactions and have difficulty developingface difficulties developing meaningful relationships. Face-to-face communication and social engagement are vital for a child's social and emotional development. Without these experiences, children may struggle to develop essential social skills, such as empathy, communication, and conflict resolution. For instance, research conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that excessive screen time during early childhood can lead to delayed social developmentskills and difficulty forming interpersonal relationshipsdifficulties in forming interpersonal relationships.
In conclusion, excessive TV watching and video game playing can have negative effects on a child's mental health. The sedentary nature of these activities hampers a child's emotional development and hinders their social skills while also increasing their mental problems.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay's strongest feature is its direct, well-structured support for a clear position, with two developed pathways from excessive screen use to poorer mental and social well-being. Its main limitation is some repetition and a few imprecise expressions, especially where correlation is treated as straightforward causation. Prioritise qualifying the evidence and varying repeated references to excessive television and gaming use.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear position and two relevant, well-developed arguments supported by examples.
Add a brief qualification about the amount or type of screen use so the causal claims are more nuanced and defensible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used effectively despite some repetition.
Vary sentence openings and use concise references to screen-based activities to reduce repeated wording across the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary conveys the psychological and social arguments clearly, with a few awkward collocations and repeated terms.
Prefer natural phrases such as agrees with the view and mental health difficulties, while varying repeated uses of excessive screen time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates a wide range of accurate complex structures, and the few minor errors do not impede meaning.
Check pronoun reference and verb-preposition combinations to eliminate isolated slips in otherwise controlled sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.