Some believe that people are fully responsible for their happiness and they can be happy if they want. Others, however, feel that happiness depends on other factors in their life than just their wishes. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The question of whether individuals are solely responsible for their happiness or whetherif external factors play a significant role has prompted considerable debatehas ignited intense debates. This essay will examinewill shed some light on both perspectives. FromIn my perspective, while personal mindset and choices contribute to happiness substantiallyto a great extent, the influence of external circumstances cannot be disregarded.
On the one hand, proponents of the viewviewpoint that individuals are fully responsible forentirely accountable for their happiness and can be happy if they want to emphasize the power of positive thinking and self-determination. They argue that a person's mindset and attitude towards life can shape their experiences and emotions. By adopting an optimistic outlook and cultivating a sense of inner contentmentcultivating inner contentment, individuals can enhance their well-beingcan indeed enhance their sense of happiness. For instance, numerous self-help books and motivational speakers argue thatadvocate the idea that individuals can control their thoughts and reactions to external events, thereby shaping their emotional well-being.
On the other hand, according to many others, it is unrealistic to overlook the impact of external factors on one's happiness. Socioeconomic conditions, health, relationships, and life events significantly shape an individual's emotional state. People facing financial hardships, health challenges, or personal losses may find it challenging to maintain a consistent level of happiness, regardless of their mindset. For instance, someone experiencing prolonged unemployment or dealing with a serious illness may struggle to find happiness solely through their personal perspective.
In conclusion, the relationship between individual responsibility and external factors in achieving happiness is complex. While personal mindset and choices undoubtedly play a big role, the significance of external circumstances cannot be underestimated. Fostering a positive mindset and acknowledging the influence of external realities is essential for a comprehensive understanding of human well-being.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops both views with relevant explanations and examples, while maintaining a strong logical progression throughout. Its main limitation is that some support remains fairly general and a few phrases are awkward or imprecise; the highest-priority improvement is to use more specific evidence and refine collocations so the argument sounds consistently natural and authoritative.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, and the writer's balanced opinion is clear and consistently supported.
Develop one example with more concrete detail to make the otherwise strong argument more incisive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively.
Vary the framing of the two opposing perspectives to make the progression feel even less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary conveys abstract ideas effectively, despite a few awkward collocations.
Replace expressions such as 'in my perspective' with more natural academic phrasing and reduce repeated uses of 'happiness'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although occasional awkward constructions reduce precision.
Proofread long sentences for attachment and clause-boundary problems so every relationship is immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that people are fully responsible for their happiness and they can be happy if they want. Others, however, feel that happiness depends on other factors in their life than just their wishes. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.