It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
Sample Response
Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. However, other people think that a big city gives more opportunities and it is good for the long run. Personally, for several reasons I think that it is better for children to grow up in a city that offers numerous advantages. First of all, it is very important for a child to grow up in a healthy environment. Children need fresh air, not polluted by the huge amount of cars and factories of the modern city. In the country, they can spend more time exercising and walking with their friends. Scientists say that now children spend the same amount of time watching TV as they do at school. Probably, the possibility to join their friends for a play will change this proportion. Another important aspect of this is that parents will have more time to spend with their children as a result of eliminating traffic jams and decreasing driving time as a whole. From the other side, children have some advantages living in a big city. For example, they have more opportunities to choose from what they want to do. They can choose to attend ballet school, school of art, gymnastics, etc. For the long run, it is good for them. They will be better prepared for a life in a "real world" and they will have more chances to make a good career and succeed. Moreover, a big city usually has many entertaining centres with movie theatres and play stations. When I was a child I liked to go to the movie theatre with my parents to watch a premiere. One more reason to choose a big city for a child is that a city provides better live conditions and services such as medical, dental, etc. My friend lived in the country for a while and one time he and his family had to drive a couple of hours to the nearest medical centre when his child got a heavy cough. To summarise, I agree with those people who want to raise their children in a city. The plenty of opportunities offered by a city helps children to find what they really like and be the best at it. Moreover, despite the air pollution, children get a better medical service that is good for their health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: it is good for the long run Suggested revision: this is beneficial in the long run Why it matters: The revision expresses the long-term benefit more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Streamline the position Original: Personally, for several reasons I think Suggested revision: For several reasons, I think Why it matters: Removing the redundant stance marker makes the position more direct.
- 3. Use countable quantifier Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Number is required because cars and factories are countable plural nouns.
- 4. Use precise location Original: country Suggested revision: countryside Why it matters: Countryside is the precise term for rural areas in this comparison.
- 5. Use natural activity phrase Original: for a play Suggested revision: to play Why it matters: Join their friends to play is the natural expression for this activity.
- 6. Clarify the comparison Original: proportion Suggested revision: balance Why it matters: Balance more clearly refers to the distribution of children's time.
- 7. Use concise transition Original: Another important aspect of this Suggested revision: Another important consideration Why it matters: The concise noun phrase introduces the next point more clearly.
- 8. Use logical collocation Original: eliminating Suggested revision: avoiding Why it matters: Families can avoid traffic jams, whereas eliminating them implies removing congestion entirely.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: decreasing driving time as a whole Suggested revision: reducing overall driving time Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses the natural collocation with driving time.
- 10. Use correct contrast marker Original: From the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: On the other hand is the standard expression for introducing a contrasting point.
- 11. Add linking word Original: advantages living in a big city Suggested revision: advantages when living in a big city Why it matters: When is needed to link the advantages to the circumstance of city living.
- 12. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: choose from what they want to do Suggested revision: choose what they want to do Why it matters: Choose takes the following clause directly without from.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is good for the long run this is beneficial in the long run
- Personally, for several reasons I think For several reasons, I think
- amount number
- country countryside
- for a play to play
- proportion balance
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response establishes a consistent preference for city upbringing and supports it with a broad comparison covering health, activities, future prospects, recreation, and medical care. Its examples are generally effective, but all ideas are compressed into one continuous paragraph and several expressions are awkward or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the countryside and city arguments into distinct paragraphs, then refine recurring collocations about opportunities, living conditions, and healthcare.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position favouring city upbringing is clear and consistent, and both settings are explored through relevant reasons and specific examples.
Strengthen the evaluation by explaining more directly why city opportunities and healthcare outweigh the countryside's environmental and family-time benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible countryside-versus-city sequence, but the entire response appears as one long paragraph and some linking is formulaic.
Create separate introduction, countryside, city, and conclusion paragraphs so the logical stages of the comparison are immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss health, education, recreation, and opportunity, although several collocations and word choices are unnatural.
Use conventional expressions such as 'in the long run', 'living conditions', 'medical services', and 'a severe cough'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentences with generally clear meaning, but article, agreement, and construction errors recur.
Edit phrases such as 'the large number of cars', 'advantages to living', and 'the abundance of opportunities helps children'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.