Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some people feel that cultural traditions are ruined when people use them to make money from tourists. Others claim that using these traditions as money-making ventures is the only way to save them. In my opinion, both views are true to a certain extent.
To begin with, many traditional customs are modified for commercialization, and eventually lose their originality and value. For example, Vietnamese traditional dances such as the lion dance, which were traditionally performed only by martial artists during special occasions, are now often poorly performed by amateurs at tourist sites across the country. Such changes not only give foreign visitors a false impression, but can also make the dance less meaningful to the local people. Also, many traditionally sacred sites are heavily damaged by the irresponsible behaviors of tourists. For instance, a well-known Youtuber named Logan Paul visited Japan and filmed himself dumping a bag of coins into a sacred well, where people often drop coins for luck, and did permanent damage to one of Japan’s most famous iconic traditions.
On the other hand, there are several reasons why making money from cultural traditions is the only way to protect them. Firstly, the revenue could be used for the preservation of such traditions. For example, many people in Bat Trang village in Vietnam make their living from selling traditional ceramic products, and thus are able to continue one of the oldest traditions in Vietnam. Secondly, by putting cultural tradtions on public display, the government could heighten people’s awareness of preserving these traditions. For instance, the Vietnamese government has built several museums around the country that solely exhibit examples of ethnic minority cultures in an attempt to protect cultural values without affecting the lives of these ethnic people, yet successfully gathering much public attention and support.
In conclusion, using cultural traditions as money-making attractions has both positive and negative impacts on the preservation of such traditions.
TR: 8.0 CC: 9.0 LR: 8.0 GRA: 9.0
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary comma Original: for commercialization, and eventually Suggested revision: for commercialization and eventually Why it matters: The comma unnecessarily separates two coordinated verb phrases sharing the same subject.
- 2. Fix paired structure Original: , but can also make Suggested revision: but also make Why it matters: The correlative structure should pair 'not only give' directly with 'but also make'.
- 3. Avoid redundant modifier Original: traditionally sacred sites Suggested revision: sacred sites Why it matters: The word 'sacred' already conveys a traditional or religious status here.
- 4. Use uncountable noun Original: behaviors Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: In this general sense, 'behaviour' is normally used as an uncountable noun.
- 5. Remove redundant adjective Original: most famous iconic traditions Suggested revision: most iconic traditions Why it matters: Using both 'famous' and 'iconic' is repetitive because their meanings overlap.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: used for the preservation of Suggested revision: used to preserve Why it matters: The verb form expresses the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 7. Use natural place name Original: Bat Trang village Suggested revision: the village of Bat Trang Why it matters: This form introduces the named village more naturally in formal prose.
- 8. Correct spelling Original: tradtions Suggested revision: traditions Why it matters: The noun 'traditions' is misspelled.
- 9. Fix collocation Original: heighten people’s awareness of preserving Suggested revision: raise people’s awareness of the need to preserve Why it matters: The standard collocation is 'raise awareness of the need to' do something.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, a well-known Youtuber named Logan Paul visited Japan and filmed himself dumping a bag of coins into a sacred well, where people often drop coins for luck, and did permanent damage to one of Japan’s most famous iconic traditions. Suggested revision: For instance, a well-known YouTuber named Logan Paul visited Japan, filmed himself dumping a bag of coins into a sacred well where people often drop coins for luck, and thereby caused permanent damage to one of Japan’s most iconic traditions. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the coordination of the actions and removes the awkward attachment of the final clause.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, the Vietnamese government has built several museums around the country that solely exhibit examples of ethnic minority cultures in an attempt to protect cultural values without affecting the lives of these ethnic people, yet successfully gathering much public attention and support. Suggested revision: For instance, the Vietnamese government has built several museums around the country that exclusively exhibit examples of ethnic minority cultures, protecting cultural values without affecting the lives of these ethnic groups while successfully attracting public attention and support. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the final participial phrases parallel and uses the natural collocation 'attracting attention'.
Suggested Rewrites
- for commercialization, and eventually for commercialization and eventually
- , but can also make but also make
- traditionally sacred sites sacred sites
- behaviors behaviour
- most famous iconic traditions most iconic traditions
- used for the preservation of used to preserve
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents both perspectives clearly and supports them with specific, generally well-explained examples, while its controlled organisation and varied language make the argument easy to follow. The main limitation is that the writer’s own position remains broad and the example about the sacred well does not clearly demonstrate commercialisation. A sharper final judgement and more precisely relevant evidence would make the argument fully convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are developed with relevant reasons and examples, and a qualified position is stated, though the personal judgement remains rather general.
Clarify exactly when tourism preserves traditions and when it destroys them, then ensure every example directly illustrates that distinction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and without distracting repetition.
Strengthen the connection between each example and its paragraph claim so that the reasoning advances even more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and generally precise vocabulary for culture, tourism, and preservation, with only occasional spelling or collocational imprecision.
Proofread for slips such as "tradtions" and replace vague or awkward combinations with the most exact term for the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede communication.
Review complex participle constructions, particularly the awkward "yet successfully gathering" phrase, to maintain full control in longer sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.