Some people believe that if a child commits a crime he or she should be punished, while others think it is the child’s parents who should be punished. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Opinions are divided on the topic of who should bear the most responsibility for crimes committed by minors. There are those who believe that the parents of children who commit crimes should be punished, while others disagree. I believe that while both arguments offer valid points, the decision ultimately depends on the individual circumstances surrounding each crime.
According to some people’s perspectives, all children regardless of their age should be held accountable for their actions, and that any punishment meted out to the child will serve as a deterrent to others. There is also the beneficial prospect of rehabilitation and instilling a sense of responsibility in the young offenders. Rehabilitation programs aimed at juvenile offenders can effectively reform their behaviour, thus making them responsible members of society.
Conversely, another perspective contends that parents should be held responsible, especially if negligence or poor upbringing has played a significant role in the child’s actions. The cornerstone of this argument is that parents play a vital foundational role in shaping a child’s moral compass. When parents neglect their duties or act as an inappropriate role model, they indirectly contribute to a child’s deviant behaviour. For instance, there have been a number of recent cases where children had unrestricted access to firearms at home and committed accidental crimes, which points directly to parental negligence.
In my opinion, a blanket approach cannot be applied in this complex matter. While children must learn about the consequences of their actions, it is also vital to assess parental roles in individual cases. A collaborative system which evaluates both the child’s understanding and parental neglect would be most appropriate and beneficial for everyone involved.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural phrase Original: According to some people’s perspectives Suggested revision: From some people’s perspective Why it matters: This is the natural construction for introducing a viewpoint.
- 2. Set off the aside Original: all children regardless of their age Suggested revision: all children, regardless of their age, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase should be enclosed by commas.
- 3. Remove the faulty complement Original: and that any punishment Suggested revision: and any punishment Why it matters: The conjunction links two independent claims, so “that” makes the second clause ungrammatical.
- 4. Use a natural collocation Original: reform Suggested revision: change Why it matters: Programs can change behaviour, while “reform” more naturally takes a person as its object.
- 5. Remove redundant emphasis Original: vital foundational role Suggested revision: foundational role Why it matters: “Foundational” already conveys that the role is essential, so “vital” is repetitive.
- 6. Match the plural subject Original: act as an inappropriate role model Suggested revision: act as inappropriate role models Why it matters: The plural subject “parents” requires the plural complement “role models.”
- 7. Clarify the relationship Original: committed accidental crimes Suggested revision: committed crimes accidentally Why it matters: The adverb makes it clear that the manner of committing the crimes was accidental.
- 8. Match the antecedent Original: points Suggested revision: point Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun “cases,” so the verb should be plural.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: applied in this complex matter Suggested revision: applied to this complex issue Why it matters: An approach is applied “to” an issue, and “issue” is the more natural noun in this context.
- 10. Use a precise noun Original: roles Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: The discussion concerns how much responsibility parents bear, so the singular concept is more precise.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There is also the beneficial prospect of rehabilitation and instilling a sense of responsibility in the young offenders. Suggested revision: Punishment also offers the prospect of rehabilitating young offenders and instilling a sense of responsibility in them. Why it matters: The rewrite creates parallel verb forms and makes the source of both potential benefits explicit.
- 12. Avoid repeated development Suggested revision: Progress from accountability to deterrence and then rehabilitation, combining the two rehabilitation statements so each stage adds a distinct point. Why it matters: The final two sentences currently repeat the rehabilitation idea instead of advancing the paragraph.
Suggested Rewrites
- According to some people’s perspectives From some people’s perspective
- all children regardless of their age all children, regardless of their age,
- and that any punishment and any punishment
- reform change
- vital foundational role foundational role
- act as an inappropriate role model act as inappropriate role models
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay gives a thoughtful, nuanced answer, develops both sides with relevant reasoning, and maintains a clear position that responsibility should depend on individual circumstances. Its strongest feature is the controlled progression from competing views to a balanced judgement, while a few awkward collocations and grammatical lapses slightly reduce precision. Refine less natural phrases and sharpen the explanation of how responsibility would be divided in practice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, and the qualified opinion is clear, relevant, and well supported.
Make the proposed case-by-case system more concrete by briefly stating when each party should bear responsibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with distinct paragraph purposes and cohesive links that remain unobtrusive.
Tighten the transition into the first body paragraph so its grammatical structure connects more cleanly to the main claim.
Lexical Resource
A broad and flexible vocabulary conveys complex ideas, though several collocations are slightly unnatural or imprecise.
Use more idiomatic alternatives for phrases such as 'according to some people's perspectives' and 'accidental crimes'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are used confidently, but occasional faulty parallelism and number agreement remain noticeable.
Check coordination and subject-reference agreement when constructing longer sentences with multiple clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that if a child commits a crime he or she should be punished, while others think it is the child’s parents who should be punished. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.