One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups have made many people become refugees, and this is a global problem. As an immediate solution, many express their view that rich countries should allow more evacuees to enter their borders to reduce the severity of this crisis. However, accepting a higher number of migrants by rich countries is not a viable solution to this refugee crisis, in my opinion.
To begin with, worldwide refugees and their constant sufferings are often reported on TV. It might seem that industrialised countries can easily solve this emergency and miseries by allowing more refugees to enter their countries. In reality, this is certainly not an easy solution. If we only look at the few recent catastrophic events that the migrant refugees have caused, it would become clear why the governments in developed countries are unwavering to accept more people to their countries. Besides, historically, it is evident that only granting more refugees to other countries does not solve the problem, in some cases, it deteriorates it.
It is true that, due to humanitarian reasons, some developed countries should help destitute and needy people. This is partly a moral issue and partly because it is in the self-economic interest of the industrialised countries. Considering this, a practical way of reducing the severity of this crisis would be to accept more refugees, particularly when it is caused by a natural disaster and civil war.
But, from a more practical point of view, mass immigration would bring more negative effects. Solving the root cause of the outbreaks of refugees is a far better way than allowing them freely migrate to developed countries. On a practical level, homeless refugees are sometimes better off receiving aid in their homeland than suffering racism and begging on the streets in a country where they cannot speak the language.
To conclude, rich countries should take refugees but only in severe cases and should focus on solving the primary reason behind the refugee issue. Sometimes funds and aids for refugees in their local area are far more beneficial than accepting them as migrants and finally forcing them to beg on the street.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve list parallelism Original: The recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups Suggested revision: Recent political unrest, wars, and the rise of a few terrorist groups Why it matters: Use parallel noun forms and punctuation to make the opening list clearer.
- 2. Use natural causation Original: made many people become refugees Suggested revision: forced many people to become refugees Why it matters: The verb combination is awkward, while “forced” expresses the intended causation directly.
- 3. Use the accurate term Original: evacuees Suggested revision: refugees Why it matters: Evacuees are temporarily removed from danger, whereas the essay is discussing refugees.
- 4. Fix agent placement Original: accepting a higher number of migrants by rich countries Suggested revision: rich countries accepting a higher number of refugees Why it matters: Place the agent before the gerund and retain the task’s precise term.
- 5. Fix modifier position Original: worldwide refugees Suggested revision: refugees worldwide Why it matters: The location adverb naturally follows the noun it modifies here.
- 6. Use uncountable suffering Original: constant sufferings Suggested revision: ongoing suffering Why it matters: Suffering is normally uncountable when referring generally to hardship.
- 7. Correct the collocations Original: solve this emergency and miseries Suggested revision: resolve this emergency and alleviate this misery Why it matters: An emergency is resolved and misery is alleviated rather than both being solved.
- 8. Remove redundant wording Original: migrant refugees Suggested revision: refugees Why it matters: The added noun is unnecessary and makes the reference less precise.
- 9. Choose the intended adjective Original: unwavering Suggested revision: unwilling Why it matters: Unwavering means firm or resolute and does not express reluctance.
- 10. Correct the verb choice Original: only granting more refugees to other countries Suggested revision: simply admitting more refugees into other countries Why it matters: Refugees can be admitted into countries, while “grant” requires a benefit or permission as its object.
- 11. Use reason preposition Original: due to humanitarian reasons Suggested revision: for humanitarian reasons Why it matters: The conventional phrase for expressing motivation is “for humanitarian reasons.”
- 12. Match alternative causes Original: a natural disaster and civil war Suggested revision: natural disasters or civil wars Why it matters: The plural alternatives and “or” show that either kind of event may cause the crisis.
Suggested Rewrites
- The recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups Recent political unrest, wars, and the rise of a few terrorist groups
- made many people become refugees forced many people to become refugees
- evacuees refugees
- accepting a higher number of migrants by rich countries rich countries accepting a higher number of refugees
- worldwide refugees refugees worldwide
- constant sufferings ongoing suffering
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, qualified position and maintains it through a logically organised discussion of admission, aid, and root-cause solutions. Its main limitation is that several claims about refugees and their effects are broad or asserted without sufficiently precise support, while some awkward phrasing reduces clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each central claim with a specific, credible explanation or example and express it through more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear, nuanced position addresses the question throughout, though some supporting claims are generalised or insufficiently substantiated.
Support the key argument about alternative solutions with specific causal explanation and a credible example rather than broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through contrasting perspectives, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Strengthen the connection between the humanitarian concession and the later case for aid by making their roles in the argument more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately formal, but several unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as "outbreaks of refugees" and "funds and aids" with natural, context-specific expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally secure control, despite occasional article, complement, and agreement errors.
Check verb patterns and noun forms carefully, especially constructions such as "allow them to migrate" and uncountable "aid".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.