One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The issue of increasing numbers of refugees is one of the biggest challenges of the modern era. The world is now experiencing the largest refugee crisis since World War II, with millions of people being forced to flee their homes due to wars, conflicts, and persecution. Some suggest that developed nations should take more refugees to address this problem. I agree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will argue that developed nations should take more refugees to tackle this problem.
Firstly, taking more refugees will help to address the humanitarian crisis that many of them face. Refugees often flee their homes because of persecution or conflict and face immense difficulties in resettling in a new country. By taking more refugees, developed nations can provide them with a safe haven, access to basic services, and a chance to rebuild their lives. This not only helps the refugees but also supports global stability and security, as it reduces the likelihood of further conflict and displacement.
Secondly, taking more refugees can also benefit the host countries. Many developed countries, especially those with low birth rates, need a workforce to support their ageing populations. Refugees can fill skill gaps in sectors such as healthcare, construction, and IT, and contribute to the local economy. Additionally, they can bring new ideas, skills, and cultures, which can enrich the host society and promote diversity.
However, there are also valid arguments against taking more refugees. Some people argue that such a step can lead to economic burdens, security risks, and social tension. However, these concerns can be addressed through effective screening processes, integration programs, and community engagement.
In conclusion, while taking more refugees may present some challenges, it is ultimately a humane and pragmatic response to the growing refugee crisis. Developed nations have a responsibility to support those in need and contribute to global stability and prosperity. Therefore, it is important for them to take more refugees and to work towards a sustainable solution to this global challenge.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: increasing numbers of refugees Suggested revision: the growing number of refugees Why it matters: The singular collective expression is more natural in this context.
- 2. Avoid category overlap Original: wars, conflicts, and persecution Suggested revision: conflict and persecution Why it matters: Wars are a type of conflict, so the original list is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 3. Tighten verb phrase Original: will help to address Suggested revision: will help address Why it matters: The infinitive marker is optional here, and removing it makes the phrase more concise.
- 4. Use natural complement Original: immense difficulties in resettling Suggested revision: immense difficulty resettling Why it matters: The singular mass noun with a gerund complement is more idiomatic for a general challenge.
- 5. Use concise signposting Original: Secondly Suggested revision: Second Why it matters: This matches the concise transition used for the preceding reason.
- 6. Remove redundant addition Original: can also benefit Suggested revision: can benefit Why it matters: The paragraph-opening transition already signals that this is an additional point.
- 7. Choose direct wording Original: need a workforce Suggested revision: need workers Why it matters: The revision states the labour need more directly and naturally.
- 8. Refine abstract noun Original: new ideas, skills, and cultures Suggested revision: new ideas, skills, and cultural perspectives Why it matters: People can bring cultural perspectives, whereas saying they bring entire cultures is imprecise.
- 9. Use idiomatic plural Original: tension Suggested revision: tensions Why it matters: The plural form is more natural when referring generally to possible strains within society.
- 10. Avoid repeated transition Original: However Suggested revision: Nevertheless Why it matters: A different concessive transition avoids repeating “However” in consecutive sentences.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: I agree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will argue that developed nations should take more refugees to tackle this problem. Suggested revision: I agree that developed nations should accept more refugees as part of the response to this problem. Why it matters: The revision states the position directly and removes repetitive essay-announcement wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing numbers of refugees the growing number of refugees
- wars, conflicts, and persecution conflict and persecution
- will help to address will help address
- immense difficulties in resettling immense difficulty resettling
- Secondly Second
- can also benefit can benefit
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops a persuasive case through humanitarian and economic arguments, with a relevant acknowledgement of counterarguments. Its main limitation is that some claims, especially the link between refugee admission and reduced conflict, are asserted rather broadly. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal explanation and support the strongest claims with more precise reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a clear position, well-developed supporting reasons, and a relevant treatment of opposing concerns.
Explain more precisely how resettlement contributes to global stability instead of leaving that causal connection largely asserted.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, and each paragraph has a clear function within the overall argument.
Use slightly less formulaic paragraph openings and create smoother conceptual transitions between the humanitarian and host-country benefits.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, accurate, and appropriately formal, with effective language for humanitarian, economic, and social issues.
Reduce repetition of taking more refugees by using precise alternatives such as expanding resettlement commitments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are used flexibly and accurately, with punctuation and agreement consistently well controlled.
Refine the few slightly generic constructions and vary clause openings further to make the prose even more polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.