Some people are reducing their walks, however, many health experts say that walking is the best exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances?
Sample Response
Undoubtedly, walking is a very good form of exercise and is an effective method for improving and developing the health of all people. But, nowadays people have less interest in walking regularly due to various reasons. In addition, this essay also proposes some practical ways to promote this exercise as follows.
The primary reason is the lack of awareness about the advantages of walking regularly among common people. They always believe that walking is a complete waste of time and energy, which can be utilised in their job sector for greater productivity. For example, most of the men are working extra hours in offices to get a high salary for the betterment of financial status, instead of doing exercise. This would cause many health problems in their life later on.
The sedentary lifestyle and technological development are also influencing people to walk less. People are using their private cars even to visit a nearby place. The lifestyle and availability of cars and other transportation system are causing this problem.
Moreover, people lead much more busy life due to both personal and professional responsibilities. Therefore, they may not get sufficient amount of time for walking on a regular basis. For instance, children have many things to study for achieving higher qualification in their academic area, whereas youngsters are forced to work full- time because of a stiff target and higher competition. As a result, they mostly concentrate only on duties and responsibilities rather than healthy life.
The city life is another reason people walk less this days. They have markets, shopping malls, schools, hospitals etc. near their living places and as a consequence, they need to walk very little. Lack of proper pavement and green environment also a hindrance in many cities.
However, there are some practical ways to develop an interest in walking such as mass awareness, providing adequate facilities in work areas as well as in educational institutions for the greater betterment of the healthy society and so on. In this way, walking exercise can be an inevitable part of everybody’s life. Consequently, people would hardly have health issues namely obesity, high cholesterol level and blood pressure disorders. Parents should teach their children the importance of walking and other forms of exercises. More strict rules should be imposed in case of using frequent private cars and the proper pavements which are safe for people to walk should be building by the government.
In conclusion, although it is a time-consuming exercise, people have to find enough time to do walking exercise for longer distance without hesitation, which would help them enormously in the long run.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant verbs Original: improving and developing the health Suggested revision: improving the health Why it matters: Improving and developing express overlapping meanings in this context.
- 2. Fix contrast opener Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However is the appropriate sentence-level contrast marker and does not take a comma immediately after it here.
- 3. Use adjective construction Original: have less interest in walking Suggested revision: are less interested in walking Why it matters: The adjective construction expresses the comparison more naturally.
- 4. Remove doubled addition Original: In addition, this essay also Suggested revision: This essay also Why it matters: In addition and also duplicate the same linking function.
- 5. Use neutral group term Original: among common people Suggested revision: among the general public Why it matters: The general public is a neutral and natural term for people broadly.
- 6. Avoid absolute wording Original: They always believe Suggested revision: Many of them believe Why it matters: The revised wording preserves the tendency without making an unsupported universal claim.
- 7. Use natural work phrase Original: utilised in their job sector Suggested revision: used at work Why it matters: At work is the natural expression for time or energy devoted to employment.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the men Suggested revision: many men Why it matters: The phrase does not refer to a previously defined group, so the is inappropriate.
- 9. Use salary collocation Original: get a high salary Suggested revision: earn a higher salary Why it matters: Earn collocates naturally with salary, and higher expresses the intended comparison.
- 10. Use natural financial phrase Original: the betterment of financial status Suggested revision: improve their financial situation Why it matters: The revised phrase states the purpose directly and naturally.
- 11. Use exercise verb Original: instead of doing exercise Suggested revision: instead of exercising Why it matters: Exercise functions naturally as a verb after instead of.
- 12. Fix time expression Original: in their life later on Suggested revision: later in life Why it matters: Later in life is the idiomatic expression for a future life stage.
Suggested Rewrites
- improving and developing the health improving the health
- But However
- have less interest in walking are less interested in walking
- In addition, this essay also This essay also
- among common people among the general public
- They always believe Many of them believe
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay offers a substantial, relevant range of reasons for reduced walking and proposes several appropriate responses, including awareness, better facilities, safer pavements, and limits on unnecessary car use. Its main limitation is uneven development: the causes dominate while the encouragement measures are compressed and vague, and frequent collocation and grammar errors reduce polish; prioritise two well-explained solutions linked directly to the identified causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and multiple solutions, but the causes receive much fuller development and several encouragement measures remain general.
Select two principal causes and explain matching solutions in depth, showing specifically how each measure would make people walk farther.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly from causes to solutions and uses appropriate paragraphing, although linking is sometimes formulaic and the many cause paragraphs create imbalance.
Group related causes into two developed paragraphs and devote comparable space to the proposed encouragement measures.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough range to discuss health, transport, work, and infrastructure, but frequent awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as “common people,” “betterment of financial status,” “stiff target,” and “healthy life” with concise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear and sentence patterns show some variety, but agreement, article, plural, comparative, and passive-form errors occur throughout.
Focus on forms such as “transport systems are,” “busier lives,” “these days,” “stricter rules,” and “should be built.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people are reducing their walks, however, many health experts say that walking is the best exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.