Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Different employers hold varying views regarding whether providing their employees with subsidized memberships to gymnasiums or sports centres will have a favourable effect on the health and general work performance of their staff. In this essay, I will discuss both views. Personally, I think that such initiatives have great results when it comes to workers' health and performance.
Some business owners believe that offering subsidized memberships to gyms or sports clubs is not effective as it may not result in workers being healthier or more productive. For instance, some employees may already have their own fitness routine or may not be interested in joining a gymnasium. Additionally, some workers may lack the motivation to exercise even with subsidized membership. Therefore, such an initiative may end up being a waste of resources for the employer.
On the other hand, many believe that offering subsidized memberships to gyms or sports clubs is an excellent way to improve employees' health and work performance. Firstly, exercise has been shown to have numerous health benefits, such as reducing stress, improving mental clarity, and increasing overall well-being. This, in turn, can lead to increased productivity and a better work-life balance. Secondly, offering these benefits to employees demonstrates the employer's commitment to the well-being of their staff. This can foster a positive working relationship between employees and employers, resulting in increased loyalty and staff retention.
In conclusion, I support the view that offering subsidized memberships to gyms or sports clubs is an effective way to improve employees' health and work performance. Although some employers may argue against this approach, I believe that the benefits to the employees and the employer are profound.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: varying views regarding whether Suggested revision: different views on whether Why it matters: Different views on whether conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 2. Use correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Membership takes in when referring to participation in an organisation or facility.
- 3. Use natural modifier Original: general Suggested revision: overall Why it matters: Overall is the more natural modifier for performance considered as a whole.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: have great results Suggested revision: yield significant benefits Why it matters: Yield significant benefits is a more precise formal collocation for the positive effects described.
- 5. Add article Original: with subsidized membership Suggested revision: with a subsidized membership Why it matters: The singular count noun membership requires an article here.
- 6. Keep outcomes parallel Original: increased loyalty and staff retention Suggested revision: greater loyalty and improved staff retention Why it matters: Separate modifiers make the two outcomes clearer and more parallel.
- 7. Generalize consistently Original: benefits to the employees and the employer Suggested revision: benefits for employees and employers Why it matters: For is the natural preposition, and plural nouns fit the essay's general discussion.
- 8. Use measured wording Original: profound Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: Substantial expresses a strong degree more naturally for practical benefits.
- 9. Use measured modal Original: will Suggested revision: can Why it matters: Can presents the proposed effect as a possible outcome rather than a certainty.
- 10. Remove mechanical signposting Original: In this essay, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The essay structure is already clear, so this explicit announcement is unnecessary.
- 11. Use concise phrase Original: their own fitness routine Suggested revision: a personal fitness routine Why it matters: A personal fitness routine expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 12. Clarify the reference Original: This, in turn, can lead Suggested revision: These benefits, in turn, can lead Why it matters: Naming the benefits gives the demonstrative a clear referent.
Suggested Rewrites
- varying views regarding whether different views on whether
- to in
- general overall
- have great results yield significant benefits
- with subsidized membership with a subsidized membership
- increased loyalty and staff retention greater loyalty and improved staff retention
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both positions and maintains a clear opinion, supporting each side with relevant explanations and examples. Organisation is smooth and grammatical control is strong, while the main limitation is some repetition of the task's wording and a few less natural lexical choices. For further improvement, vary the language used for the scheme and deepen the evaluation of when employer subsidies are most effective.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are directly addressed with relevant, well-developed reasoning.
Add a more nuanced evaluation of which workplace conditions determine whether the subsidy delivers value.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without disrupting flow.
Create slightly stronger conceptual links between employee uptake, health outcomes, and organisational benefits.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports the discussion, with only occasional repetition and less natural combinations.
Vary repeated references to subsidized memberships and replace phrases such as have great results with more precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only minor slips that do not impede communication.
Refine article use and compressed noun phrases while preserving the current variety and control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.